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View Poll Results: Do ENFP’s Lead People On?

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  • I think ENFPs often lead people on, but they aren’t usually aware of it.

    17 39.53%
  • I think ENFPs often lead people on, and they usually know exactly what they are doing.

    6 13.95%
  • I think ENFPs often lead people on, and I’m unsure if they are aware of this or not.

    16 37.21%
  • I don’t think ENFPs often lead people on.

    4 9.30%
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  1. #51
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    Obvious flirting in that respect is lying...

    Speaking of..

    Agentfurria that guy you kissed.. He probably wont help another girl in math again.. hes winy inner voice: "they are just using me"

    Kinda like me prinsippialy never buying a drink to a girl unless i want a quick answer to my suspicions. I have made exeptions tho when i meet someone different.
    i hope he didn't conclude that i was using him. i would prefer the conclusion that i am a flake, or that I was emotionally distraught over the death of my father. but never once has a shy guy been straight with me about his feelings. it would be a huge relief, and i would have welcomed the opportunity to discuss my feelings.

    but when you deal with pebble throwers and men who cry as happened to marm, combined with an apparent ENFP cluelessness (at least on my part) and universal friendliness, it seems like misunderstandings are bound to arise. and that is why i think self-knowledge and communication skills probably play such significant roles in bringing people like us together.

    my pet theory is that most of these relationships have the potential for great happiness, or great friendship, if only people could say as soon as emotions arise: "I like you. Do you like me?" (Or "It seems that you may like me. Is that true?")

    but that's crazy talk.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


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  2. #52
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    Only if you agree with the quote.

    Seems you do..

    Seems like i have been a bit hard jugding in this thread.. hmm...

    Perhaps im defensive due to previous experiences= Hard jugding
    a little. perhaps not unfairly, just hard.

    i think one of the problems is that ENFP misleading - intentional or not - looks the way people think flirting should look...
    whereas, at least for me, when i really like someone, i get all serious and hesitant.

    and admittedly, Ne-ing includes generating all solutions, including manipulating perspectives (ie lying), to get to the endgoal. and what some people call "lying" is not always... well, it's just that everything is just so subjective and words can mean so many different things. i have a hard time dealing with people who are hardliners about "ALWAYS BE HONEST" because it seems so ridiculously superficial. what is honesty, really? just your own opinion, phrased in your own words. and personally, i almost never intentionally mislead with the intention to harm - but sometimes i manipulate a bit with the intention to get around something that needs getting around for the greater good. i do not think that integrity necessitates precise honesty - but it does necessitate being genuine. i mean, anyone on the forums can see that i am very open, and when i write, it would be harmful to myself, much less others, to lie. it would be an awful world if everyone went around misleading others all the time, but seeing honesty as "healing" is a mistake as well. i have a friend like this. he is a hardliner for honesty but not many people like him because he thinks that honest and good are the same thing. all he ever does is give you his unadulterated and often very judgmental opinion on things. there's a fine line between being intentionally deceptive, and filtering yourself to not hurt others unnecessarily.

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina
    however, upon recent reflection, i think i was misinterpreting their habit of pulling away to assess as a sudden lack of interest, either in friendship or anything more.
    i think i've done this too. i'm not very confident and i'm bad at reading others in terms of their feelings about me... so when someone stops showing blatant interest, i backpedal very quickly. sadly this has probably killed a couple potentially very good relationships with Ni dom/auxs.

  3. #53
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    whereas, at least for me, when i really like someone, i get all serious and hesitant.
    yes, same here. i often immeduately move from friendly and exuberant mode to introspective and reflective mode. all in a frantic attempt to get a grip on my emotions.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I think i've done this too. i'm not very confident and i'm bad at reading others in terms of their feelings about me... so when someone stops showing blatant interest, i backpedal very quickly. sadly this has probably killed potential very good relationships with Ni dom/auxs.
    same here. i am making a personal commitment to do whatever i can on my part to clear the air and get things out in the open once i sense an interest from someone, or develop an interest in them. i think my comfort with ambiguity and dislike of hurting someone has been a huge part of the problem.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

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  4. #54
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I never realized the ENFP leading other people on issue until joining the forum. I realized I have the ability to do this-I just dump happy Fi glow at them....and I found it terrible. It really bugged me because it felt as those I was manipulating them by tapping into something they could not really control. Basically I was taking control of them without their permission by using my Fi to influence their Fi. It bothered me a great deal.

    Because so few do see my Fi, to be honest I dont think I have ever led anyone on in these sense you guys describe, but the potential is there.

    I'd say the "passive Fi" sounds familiar-that is when I let my Fi remold around the other person and become what they need me to be in that moment.

    The Active Fi...hmmmm. I suppose when I feel driven to speak up about an issue bothering me...then it is me using my Fi on those around me-but it REALLY has to be for a good reason...(or at least a silly reason that has my Fi all in a tither)

  5. #55
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I've never understood this whole ENFP issue and the anger towards it from other types. It bothers me to see the weight of expectation that people often place on ENFPs. To me it seems ENFPs are simply express openly without much thought about how it will be interpreted. Sure, sometimes this can be careless (and maybe even callous at times) but mostly its ingenuous, heartfelt thoughts leaping forth and others somehow making it all about themselves.
    I had no idea how much people hate enfps until joining this forum. I always knew I had to hide a significant part of myself and that it would never be okay to be me, but it wasnt until I saw the comments here that I realized how much other types detest us.

    ENFPs kinda get stuck in a weird place...Ne forces us out in the world and Fi forces us to be authentic. Te is our only difference but then we are "bossy bitches". The authenticity is the really messed up part-it feels very wrong to wear a mask-yet the world will never accept us unless we wear a mask.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i think one of the problems is that ENFP misleading - intentional or not - looks the way people think flirting should look...
    whereas, at least for me, when i really like someone, i get all serious and hesitant.
    agreed.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    i hope he didn't conclude that i was using him.
    He probably did... at least it would have crossed my mind..
    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    "I like you. Do you like me?" (Or "It seems that you may like me. Is that true?")

    but that's crazy talk.
    I guess im crazy then.. nothing new :P

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    "ALWAYS BE HONEST" because it seems so ridiculously superficial. what is honesty, really?
    Hehe im working on it.. I just hate lying in your face thats all. Im not trained/made for lying. I ofc see the use of a small one here and there to avoid issues with other types..
    What you/i say means so much to me. I made a promise to myself to stop saying i would do things and not do them.. Instead i promise less and try to do more..

    I said after studies last year that i wanted to try skydiving. I said it only once or twice to my family, suddenly i had done it and they were all "wow" you did it!
    It was a tandem..

    Still miss that feeling.

    I let go of the "belts" and wanted to go faster.. your not supposed to let go of the "belts"

  7. #57
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Good post indeed, it's the major trouble I have with my girlfriend. It's kinda difficult to explain, I'll try nevertheless:

    As a Fe user you are generally uncomfortable with understanding your own emotions or to really think about them. So your focus is more often on other people. My girlfriend, infp on the other hand seems to only talk about her. even when you think this time the discussion is about you and you only, at some point she says how she feels about it and you think to yourself: "oh nice she ignored me again."

    I've seen her in combination with her Mum a primary Fe-dom. She appears to be very egoistical then and even has this "grumpy-child-stumbs-on-the-ground" attitude if not everybody at the table is listening to her. Her mum is kinda oblivious to this and needs a long time to get agitated. Most often she tho keeps up the peace at the table and dubs egoistical vibes with humor.

    Of course that agitates my gf even more because if she speaks she wants people to listen, cause the things she say are very important to her.

    For me it's complicated on a different level. As an introverted thinker you have a constant flux of tetris going on in your mind. I am glad Ti isnt my strong function and I can switch the silly switch from times to let loose of a way to think which can be very straining. The problem is, you dont notice it, you go on at work all day working with your brain and even with simple exercises you think a trillion things thru so you can make the result perfect and leave no questions open. It's a curse and it does make you restless and unhappy, but you dont notice it.

    When I talk to my infp after a long day, I start to vent. I basically only crave for some motivation then, like a pat on the back or a hug. She tho does somehow always relate things to herself. Before I really can start venting, we already ended in a discussion about her or us and that is never what I want. So before I get the chance to vent my own anger, I have to see after her and make it clear that I am not unhappy with our life.

    You can see this two ways, some people would say Fi-people are the most egoistic clowns on the world, other people would say Fi-people are the most deep people on the world. When I am asked how a gearbox in a car works, I tend to answer there are a lot of things involved you need to understand before you know the place the gearbox has in the whole system 'car'. I demand the big picture. Well the same is it for my girlfriend, she extrapolates my unhappiness and expands it on a personal level, tho I never meant that, not even thought close about it.

    She and me are maybe one of the most unfitting pairs on the world but that's exactly why we love each other. We have so much to give each other, it's amazing and a lifetime wont be enough. We argued a lot in the beginning and the last 5 years have been a constant growth for both of us. She made me a man. This thing I described here, she's well aware of by now, but she'll never give it up to think like that. That would be like to ask me to give up breathing aswell, cause our Ne-Fi-Ti combo just works that way.

    The thing is many people think they have to educate other people and teach them some sort of social norms so these people can communicate better. But to really understand that when people communicate differently, they have aswell a fundamentally alien world in them, which is so intresting to explore and full of things you would have never noticed or found out without help, those people dont understand that. Those people will forever stay in their boring and fully safely explored own world and they are nothing that intrests me
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #58
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Communication is everything!

    Its mighty important as Agentfurria discovered with that half aspergers guy.

    Im going drunk now so hope i did not insult anyone.

  9. #59
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    I had no idea how much people hate enfps until joining this forum.
    yes. i picked up on that right away. i take the good and filter out the bad. but then again, i've yet to post a Nohari window. i'm already self-critical, i don't need > critique. at least, not yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    ENFPs kinda get stuck in a weird place...Ne forces us out in the world and Fi forces us to be authentic. Te is our only difference but then we are "bossy bitches". The authenticity is the really messed up part-it feels very wrong to wear a mask-yet the world will never accept us unless we wear a mask.
    i don't think people realize how sensitive we are, and how little say we have in the matter. and w/r/t acceptance: perhaps that's why i like INTPs/INTJs. we are all poorly-understood rarities. although i suspect we ENFPs are deeply unhappy about this, whereas those types *seem* to somehow accept it more. i also don't think they bother with the mask, unless it's the death-stare variety.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  10. #60
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    She and me are maybe one of the most unfitting pairs on the world but that's exactly why we love each other. We have so much to give each other, it's amazing and a lifetime wont be enough. We argued a lot in the beginning and the last 5 years have been a constant growth for both of us. She made me a man.
    lovely. congratulations, there is hope.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

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