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View Poll Results: Do ENFP’s Lead People On?

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  • I think ENFPs often lead people on, but they aren’t usually aware of it.

    17 39.53%
  • I think ENFPs often lead people on, and they usually know exactly what they are doing.

    6 13.95%
  • I think ENFPs often lead people on, and I’m unsure if they are aware of this or not.

    16 37.21%
  • I don’t think ENFPs often lead people on.

    4 9.30%
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  1. #11
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Someone help me hug this man!
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #12
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Oh goodie! A chance to talk about myself!

    Your distinction between active Fi and passive Fi seems off. It sounds like "passive Fi" is just Fi (taking in information. and processing it... which is not passive), and "active Fi" is the verbalization of what your "passive Fi" has come up with.

    Your main point (that self-disclosure is a better indicator of serious interest) makes more sense, but I don't entirely agree with it. The thing is, many other factors (independent of interest) could determine who you disclose your Fi to. Whether or not you think the person would understand you is a big one. The other person's attitude towards you is another.

    As for personal experience, I don't need to be interested/invested in someone to disclose Fi. For example, I might share a religious experience with a random Muslim dude to demonstrate why I hold some value/belief. Disclosing insecurities, on the other hand, I reserve for people that I trust and am invested in, but that's common to most people regardless of type.

    EDIT: I should add that I don't think there's any good way to determine whether or not someone is into you based on type. I have both smothered and literally run away from people I had the hots for. MBTI is irrelevant with this stuff.

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

  3. #13
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Someone help me hug this man!
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  4. #14
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    If they are crushing on you but the crush is unrequited, then they want nothing to do with you ever again. They want what they want from you, or else it's "go away you slime bucket, I can't believe you took me out but didn't like me romantically". Monday you are their "everything", Tuesday you are thrown out with the garbage.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  5. #15
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    ^That said, I still love 'em!
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  6. #16
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    i think this is same that with any communication misunderstandings. other part doesent express him/herself in a way that the other would understand properly. but i dont think its either ones fault, i mean why should the "talker" get tuned to "listeners" wave length, but the listener doesent have to tune with the talkers? i think people who blame the enfp for giving the wrong impression are just egocentric idiots. basically they blame the enfp leading them on because enfp didnt talk their language, but fail to realize that its equally their fault that they didnt talk the enfp language. so they get hurt and want to blame others, because they cant admit that its partially their own fault. ofc enfps can sometimes actually lead on people, but it seems that usually its just a misunderstanding in communication.
    Agreed.

    I've never understood this whole ENFP issue and the anger towards it from other types. It bothers me to see the weight of expectation that people often place on ENFPs. To me it seems ENFPs are simply express openly without much thought about how it will be interpreted. Sure, sometimes this can be careless (and maybe even callous at times) but mostly its ingenuous, heartfelt thoughts leaping forth and others somehow making it all about themselves. Anyway, since when did being friendly and remotely showing interest in others become code for "I love you and want to have your babies". :rolli:

    While I'm not entirely sure about your theory, Esoteric Wench, I do agree with the sentiment. I have noticed that ENFPs have deceptive intimacy boundaries. I've known them to publicly announce the most embarrassing details about themselves without blinking an eye, yet I can sense what they are really holding back by the things they don't talk about. I have wondered if this is a version of what INFPs do. I can easily compartmentalise private and intimate emotions, from what are everyday, superficial thoughts and feelings that I bear no real attachment to. People, however, can mistakenly assume these superficial, incidental emotions are indicative of what is going on underneath. I feel like ENFPs have this problem too, only their 'private compartment' is much smaller than the average INFP's, and the 'surface compartment' larger and more present so others are even more likely to mistake this for heartfelt emotion. However, clearly both types define true, intimate, invested relationships based upon their ability to safely reveal this concealed part of themselves.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    i think this is same that with any communication misunderstandings. other part doesent express him/herself in a way that the other would understand properly. but i dont think its either ones fault, i mean why should the "talker" get tuned to "listeners" wave length, but the listener doesent have to tune with the talkers? i think people who blame the enfp for giving the wrong impression are just egocentric idiots. basically they blame the enfp leading them on because enfp didnt talk their language, but fail to realize that its equally their fault that they didnt talk the enfp language. so they get hurt and want to blame others, because they cant admit that its partially their own fault. ofc enfps can sometimes actually lead on people, but it seems that usually its just a misunderstanding in communication.
    I get called an egocentric idiot (in so many words) at least weekly on this site.

    The funny thing is, the people who say it matter so little that it doesn't bother me.

    But if someone I cared about and really considered a friend said it, then I would pause and reflect on my behavior, and even apologize for hurting them.

  8. #18
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    Oh nvm you were saying the people who judge ENFPs are egocentric idiots. But I think people tend to call ExFPs in general egocentric idiots a lot.

  9. #19
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    i think this is same that with any communication misunderstandings. other part doesent express him/herself in a way that the other would understand properly. but i dont think its either ones fault, i mean why should the "talker" get tuned to "listeners" wave length, but the listener doesent have to tune with the talkers? i think people who blame the enfp for giving the wrong impression are just egocentric idiots. basically they blame the enfp leading them on because enfp didnt talk their language, but fail to realize that its equally their fault that they didnt talk the enfp language. so they get hurt and want to blame others, because they cant admit that its partially their own fault. ofc enfps can sometimes actually lead on people, but it seems that usually its just a misunderstanding in communication.


    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    If they are crushing on you but the crush is unrequited, then they want nothing to do with you ever again. They want what they want from you, or else it's "go away you slime bucket, I can't believe you took me out but didn't like me romantically". Monday you are their "everything", Tuesday you are thrown out with the garbage.
    for me, it's not really throwing away... it's running away... because i've probably already gotten attached and subsequently gotten hurt and if i don't run like hell i'll end up mooning over that person for months. sorry if you've been the victim of that, it's a shitty unintended consequence

    so... my thoughts...

    sometimes i accidentally lead people on. i didn't realize it until i read about how ENFPs tend to do that somewhere on the forums, and was like oh, shit, i behave like that and garner similar responses from others. i tend to be enthusiastic and positive and warm and interested, which people take as "i am especially interested in you" instead of "i am being genuinely me". i also have a very hard time turning someone down without feeling like an asshole. and it's not even in a romantic sense always. most people just seem to think i'm nicer than my inner thoughts are, lol.

    it's not just that i'm not aware of it - or even if i am aware of it, i'm not always sure how to fix it... but i'm also not always sure why i should, for reasons similar to what INTP said. i don't want to have to stop being who i am when i'm most happy because other people draw inaccurate conclusions from it. you know? in some ways it feels like the argument that rape victims are asking for it when they don't wear conservative clothing. i know that i shouldn't go around sending the wrong signals - and i don't want to mislead - but on the other hand, it's also the other person's responsibility to make sure they're reading me accurately, and not just making assumptions that suit their personal desires.

    EW, i think you're on to something interesting with the idea of switching focus between the other person and oneself, but i also feel like i'm not in complete alignment with the active/passive split. when you talk about determining intimacy level, i think that's relevant, because a boyfriend of mine once pointed out that i "controlled" conversation - which i thought really funny, because he was a J, and always leading everything. but he said i had "stopping points" or something (my guess being where things infringed upon my Fi evaluations). we never really got to the bottom of that conversation, but i found it curious. i don't know if that has much to do with leading others on, but it's definitely important in relationship communication. i think maybe he was noticing certain areas in conversation where i begin to reveal an explicit agenda and/or opinion, as i usually do not. and it would be true to say that i do not open up much like that to those i don't know well.

    these points of satine's resonated with me:

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine
    [u]the things i'll self disclose here, are 90 percent of the time things that I've dealt with, that I've untangled in my brain, that I'm ok with and that I'm ok with others knowing. [...] Then there's the Fi-vulcano situation that unfortunately many are familiar with already [...] There's a softer variant of that when [...] I'm the one *being* comforted. It makes me feel cared for and connected (something I need like a drug) and allows me a moment to be vulnerable. I'll usually close it off as soon as the excess pressure is gone, as I *know* I'm on borrowed time. I also feel guilty for doing it afterwards, knowing most people cannot handle it very well for a very long time [...] Then there's the emotional one night stand. [...] There's a soul-exchange almost. Then, the frenzy dies. [...] There was an intense sharing, intense bonding, yet somehow you're not compatible
    so, i'm not sure really what to say at this point. i'm curious about what others' opinions are. i realize it's a problem to make people feel led on, but at the same time, i think the same factors leading to that are the ones that are making others feel happy and relaxed around me. and it's a free and natural way of being for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross
    I've known them to publicly announce the most embarrassing details about themselves without blinking an eye, yet I can sense what they are really holding back by the things they don't talk about. I have wondered if this is a version of what INFPs do. I can easily compartmentalise private and intimate emotions, from what are everyday, superficial thoughts and feelings that I bear no real attachment to. People, however, can mistakenly assume these superficial, incidental emotions are indicative of what is going on underneath. I feel like ENFPs have this problem too, only their 'private compartment' is much smaller than the average INFP's, and the 'surface compartment' larger and more present so others are even more likely to mistake this for heartfelt emotion.
    this is a smart observation. i do that often; most people don't notice. people think i am very open. i hide a lot. i think one of the things about my compartment is not that it contains mostly "range" - though it does contain some deep feelings, yes - but more of it is hidden ideas and... well, "variety". just kind of odd things, like how i practiced neopaganism for a few months as a teen. philosophical angst and questioning. ENFPs as a whole, i think, tend to hide their darker sides.
    Last edited by skylights; 01-21-2011 at 02:04 AM.

  10. #20
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I lead people on intentionally sometimes. I'm a broke college student so I frequently seduce women into getting me into the club for free and buying me drinks. the funny thing is, I'm not attracted to them at all... but they don't need to know that hehehe

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