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Thread: INFJ and ENFP

  1. #11
    To the top of the world arcticangel02's Avatar
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    On one hand, Desert Flower, you should proceed carefully. ENFPs are, unfortunately, rather flighty creatures that tend to lose interest quickly. We don't mean to hurt other people, it's just the way we are.

    Yet on the other hand, the way you describe this fellow - how he gets very uncomfortable and shy around you... is one of the (rare) indicators of him genuinely having feelings for you. Not to say that it's certain he does, but I think if he was to be just there to 'crack you open because he can't help himself', he would approach you more openly and charmingly - like he normally is, and how he charms everyone else. It's only when our feelings are genuinely involved that we tend to get confused and quiet.

    So that's what it looks like to me - I would say proceed. With caution, of course, but go ahead. I think the signs look good.
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  2. #12
    *ears perk up* wolfmaiden14's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post

    I would see you being able to benefit him by example. According to Lenore Thompson, ENFPs are at risk of spending to much time discovering new things in the external realm, which leaves their "introverted" realm undeveloped. This time alone would allow them to think through their own problems and experience self-reflection. INFJs are able to show them what this kind of reflection consists of, and hopefully can encourage them. Thompson warned that extraverts tend to be the ones that experience mid-life crisis later on in life due to their unexplored sense of indentity. In turn, their fun-loving extraverted nature could definitely help the INFJ learn to put aside their internal contemplation and experience reality more thoroughly.

    Life consists of a balance of thinking and doing and I see INFJs and ENFPs at polar ends of this. With mutual love and support they could balance each other out and make each other better people. All of this is my opinion, though.
    The relationship I have with an ENFx friend of mine is exactly what you describe!! At least from my end. Haha. He doesn't quite let me play my part (yet) but I know we could really bring out the best in each other the way you describe.

    Desert.. I totally know what you mean about feeling like an alien throughout high school and then being introduced to MBTI. I don't even think any of the friends I had/have are Ns at all, let alone NFs. I wish I could help you out more with the question, but really I'm in a similar position and just as confused.
    Forming characters! Whose? Our own or others? Both. And in that momentous fact lies the peril and responsibility of our existence. - Elihu Burritt

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  3. #13

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    Thanks everyone for the input . I'll shall proceed with caution. I actually don't mind that ENFPs lose interest and return sporatically. I like my space and having my own adventures. But I have trouble trusting people because if I'm geninune sometimes other people think they can manipulate or take advantage. If I understand someone's temperament its easier to see what kind of behavior they might be predisposed to engage in (although nothing is really guaranteed). I'll try letting my guard down slightly in our next conversation. It will be fun to pick his brain apart.
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  4. #14
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    As an ENFP, I have always been intrigued by people whom I couldn't "figure out" as easily as others.

    I am a people person, and by that I mean that I am principally concerned with, and intrigued by human beings. My interest includes a consideration of human beings at the species level, i.e. developing and understanding defining characteristics shared by all human beings; of human beings as individuals, i.e identifying the variants, and examining the variable characteristics found amongst human beings; and of human's being, i.e. differentiating and understanding the behavioral/existential aspects of how human's act as individuals as well as how they interact as social beings.

    I am most concerned with, and fascinated by, exceptional people.

    I think this guy views you as an exceptional person. A person he has yet had the opportunity to experience and explore. And if you are in fact exceptional, (which by reading your posts I am fairly confident you are), then you have nothing to worry about in terms of losing his attention.


    *also, if he truly is an ENFP, you need not worry about him being manipulative or selfishly intentioned.
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  5. #15

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    Thanks alot.
    I love this place (has a really warm atmosphere)
    Last edited by Desert Flower; 03-13-2008 at 11:38 PM.
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  6. #16
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desert Flower View Post
    Thank alot.
    I love this place (has a really warm atmosphere)
    I agree with you. I love this forum. It is home to some very pleasant people.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seanan View Post
    You did way better than I would have. I would have been thinking.. who the #ell does she think she is and wouldn't have had much, if anything, to say to her the rest of the evening. Talk about jumping boundaries! People who do that always seem to have an air of entitlement about them that signals "superiority" to me.

    As an ENFP I can pretty confidently say that this person did NOT mean to come across as 'superior'. The entitlement we probably give off comes from our honest curiosity, good intentions, and willingness to help. SHe probably looked at you and thought about what might cause you unhappiness and asked about that thing. Which, since we really do have good intentions makes us feel kind of entitled to your information... does that make sense? Also we project our desire to be understood onto other people... and assume you share it...:/unfortunately not always the case.
    I want a love who knows that loving him is all I want to do

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    And you like this? Do you enjoy it, or does it just fascinate you?

    In my experience (and I'm not saying it always happens this way to everyone) extroverts don't seem to take things quite as seriously as I do when it comes to sharing personal things. It's easier for them to open up and talk a lot, so they have a more difficult time understanding how significant it is when I open up to them. They tend to take it lightly, as though we're discussing housekeeping or sports teams. ENFs are good at it, and it's enjoyable while it lasts, but it doesn't seem to be quite as intimate to them as it is to me. I've been burned several times by ENFs who engage and encourage me to open up; I do so, thinking it means we're sharing a special intimacy, only to realize they saw it on par with trading cookie recipes.

    Situations like the one you describe, I go very very slowly and don't assume anything.
    I'm going to hazard the opinion that we <E's or ENF's> do take your personal things seriously. It probably will never come off that way, but we treasure anything people give us about themselves. We seem light-hearted because it IS easier for us to share... but we give in the hopes of receiving. I think your sharing seems on par with cookie recipies because the harder it is for you to share it, we sense that and dont bring it up casually. I'm sure there are people out ther who crack you open for purely selfish curiosity reasons but NF's in particular want to know you because the more they know the more they have to care about/cherish. As a type that NEEDS cherishing we lavish it on others in a golden rule like thing.
    I want a love who knows that loving him is all I want to do

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desert Flower View Post
    "I've learned that (for me) it's usually a mistake to open up to anyone all at once. I do it in small increments, pausing at each stage to observe the results and make sure it's still wise to continue."

    I totally agree with you because this method saved me from a tragic relationship with an ESFJ. I'm sure if I had exposed myself with him he would have done alot of emotional damage. The thing I find intriguing about this guy is that when ever I talk to him my brain locks up . Usually, I'm good at tangling up flirtatious guys in their logic. I don't like flirting because of the insincerity sometimes. Still, its a good laugh when a guy that is trying to "run game" gets all embarrassed and surprised when I point out inconsistencies in his thoughts and surprise him with a little zany humour. Its easy to maintain the upper hand. But with this interaction I feel like he is peeling me apart without even much information or without my permission. Its like he detects I am hidding my emotion. I'm still trying to figure out if he is geniunely interested in me or just wants to crack me open because he can't help him self .
    He can't help himself from wanting to crack you open... but it's not callous curiosity and it's definitely not going to be used against you... unless it will help you grow...
    He probably is detecting your hidden things, and it probably attracts him and distresses him at the same time. He wants to know you. Not the 'you' on the outside, because that's not the authentic true essence of 'YOU' and that inside person is the intriguing one. So open up a little.
    I want a love who knows that loving him is all I want to do

  10. #20
    Senior Member chippinchunk's Avatar
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    You people write too much.

    Anyways, I like ENFPs. They're very nice and have a thing for helping people. I wouldnt mind be around one. But since I feel the need to help people as well, it cancels out and we're not really helping eachother, more like bugging/hasseling eachother. And since, I, personally don't like drama, which ENFPs (the ones that Ive met anyways) are really high on, I can't really take that. It's just a complete turn off.

    ENTPs, though, I've only met one. Very strange...funny though, also completely random. But random isn't a bad thing.
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