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  1. #21
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    It's so special when I hear my NT friend's advice (FDG and Oakysage). It's practical and make me wonder, am I ENTJ ^^

  2. #22
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    i'm just not attracted to people that don't have their shit together.
    so i dunno if it would even get to the point of having to wait.
    or if i'd want someone like that to wait.

    "what do you mean you don't have your shit together?
    what? i'm your motivation? only NOW you'll get it together?
    no fucking thank you".

    see ya!
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  3. #23
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    No.

    Life is short, just do it. If your plan is to work toward what you consider "marriage" material status (MMS)then can you say with 100% certainty that once you arrive at MMS that by then you will have not moved the goal posts? In other words are today's goals going to be the same 8 years from now? At first it's "finish college" then it becomes "get a job/career" somewhere along the way it's "get a car" or "get my own apartment" eventually it could become "buy a home". Next thing you know, you're 30 wondering where all the years went and reminiscing about all those "lost" opportunities.

    Less think, more do.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    As NF...I believe I could stand 800 years for a love.

    But what about building a life together?
    Me too..

    Although I can also be extremely fickle..

    And this has been my point for sometime.. Somethings... WILL NEVER IMPROVE UNLESS LOVE IS ACTUALLY PRESENT IN YOUR LIFE...

    So building together is the whole point .

    Thank you for listening

    Arc

  5. #25
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    I'm wondering if there is a cultural difference that needs to be considered here? Where are you from?
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  6. #26
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by tommyrader View Post
    When you love a girl

    And you know, at this time, you can't bring her a good life, you can't give her a warm life, you can't insure a stable life for her.

    Can you stand 8 years without showing that you love her, to make change of yourself, to make you stronger, better, to have a firm stuff to face the life issue, and to invite her to your life,
    Oh, shit... this is really freaking me out. The stuff they put in our minds...

    Umm, first of all, I assume you are from a relatively similar culture as I am. I mean, I understand your problem if it is not acceptable for you to date someone for religious reasons or such. If the only option is to do it with the intention to marry. Then you really have a problem. Or then you have a different kind of a problem.

    But, if we are culturally on the same page, then I would say you are really overestimating the level of control people have over their lives. You might build your status and get money and become more stable, but you will not be ready, you will not be a whole individual, there's always something missing. It is one of the big illusions of the western culture. There will not be a moment you stop and say "I am here, now I can start living". It seems to me that you consider your present life as some sort of preparation for the actual life, which you define as something stable. This is not good if you want to be happy. Your life is now, and if you constantly think about the future, you will miss the NOW. Then you have spent eight years just preparing for that perfect moment, and I am sure that it will not be the way you imagine it.

    Another thing. You or her can be dead tomorrow. Or the day after that. Anything can happen. Or she might find someone else. You might find someone else. Listen, I know where you are coming from with these ideas, and it is not just you. Anyone except some narcissist will think that they are not enough in some way. "Why would she love me because I am just... me...." Well, all I can say about this is that there are issues of timing which are quite subtle. I have personally had to regret this enough times to take it seriously. There really in some way is no other chance except now. Think of you and her floating in water, separately. Then you seem to float by her for a time, then the current takes you away. And she's lost. This stuff happens all the time. We lose the people who are most important to us at some point. So, you'll just have to admit that you are not perfect now, and will never be, and if that isn't good enough for her, then it isn't. But at least then you would know her answer. If you wait for eight years, you might never know, and I can tell you that it is a lot more painful in the long run than the knowing.

    Wow, this is becoming a long post. As you probably noticed, I have had my issues with similar situations... But, I don't really want to tell you what to do, exactly, since I don't know the specifics of your case. This is just what I think will happen.

  7. #27
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    Great point by JoSunshine, but all cultural differences aside, it's better to know. Why wait 8 years to tell someone you love them only to possibly find out that they have never and will never feel the same way? Wouldn't be better to tell this person how you feel NOW and see if she feels, or even thinks that there is a possibility, of feeling the same way? If it's a yes, than you can begin to plan for the future. It it's a no, than you can move on. Having extremely passionate feelings pent up inside with no outlet can be a living hell. I'm sure everyone on here has been there before. If there are no social taboos against at least telling her how you feel, then I say do it. If there are, then I'd like to know about them just for my own knowledge, and still I say do it anyway. Either way, I'm rooting for you!

  8. #28
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    wow 8 years are tough. I think if it has to stand for 8 years you'll loose a lot of blood in vital function in your brain, but what the heck... I like a challenge
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #29
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    CV, I personally agree. However if he lives in a culture where being able to care for a woman is a hallmark of being a good man, issues of compromised self worth (feeling like a failure as a man) based on that societies values may come into play. I would want to address that issue, but only if it is relevant.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  10. #30
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Where does the 8 years come from? In most countries where men and women aren't considered equal, you don't have people waiting until their 30s (8 years) to get married. At least not any of the cultures I'm familiar with. They usually want women to start popping them out asap.

    /culturally insensitive
    -end of thread-

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