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Thread: ENFP or ENFJ

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    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Default ENFP or ENFJ

    I have this friend whom I can't decide if she's ENFP or ENFJ. She's taken the test herself, as she's a psychology major, but even she can't decide. She always say's she feels very balanced all across the board. I originally pinned her for ENFJ... but now I'm contemplating ENFP for her as well. I have several ENFP friends and a couple of ENFJ friends, but she's one of the rare ones I feel caught in the middle with.

    So, what are some good ways to determine? At least based upon observable behavior?

    Would you say ENFJ's are more likely to be jokers than ENFP's, who may seem more serious? She's incredibly intelligent, very supportive and reaffirming, she's always turning everything into a joke and is great at making everyone laugh. How ever, it always seems as though she's got a lot of insight and knowledge, and can be very serious and firm in her thoughts, which are also always very well thought out. However, she considers herself a wild child and party girl, but a wild child and party girl with morals. Haha.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

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    My best friend from high school is ENFJ and she's freaking hilarious. I can tell you that I think she's more evenly social across the board, can be a bitch but always knows the right thing to say, is very supportive and warm and loves people, but I think she's somehow inwardly more "distant" and less intense than me. People adore her, she has the ENFJ charisma.

    She also knew exactly what she wanted to do as a career at a very young age. I would overall say she has more "smooth" Fe with people than me, even though I think some people think of us as being similar with our humor, etc, especially people we went to school with. Her nurturing is a very Fe kind of nurturing.

    My sister is also ENFJ. She's a more stereotypical Fe dom in that she's very concerned with doing the right thing and keeping everyone behaving nicely. Like, she hates dramatic displays of emotion, she thinks there is an appropriate way to display emotion. I think my ENFJ bff thinks that too, but she doesn't push that opinion onto others, where as I think my ENFJ sister does. It's probably an enneagram difference. My ENFJ sister is really concerned with not taking sides and all people being treated fairly. I also think she can handle more constant people flow than I can.

    I also see a lot of tert Se in both of them more than Te. My sister is kind of like Domino from this forum in that she likes to fix cars and things like that. My high school bff has always loved fashion and make-up.

    I think ENFPs are more outwardly distant and ENFJs are more inwardly distant. In that I mean ENFPs can seem more flaky or play favorites, but when it comes down to it they show you who they are. ENFJs are more "present" with everyone and seem more fair, but inside are more guarded, I think.
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    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    hmmm... i'm trying to consider the inwardly distant and outwardly distant thing. i can definitely see what you mean when i think of my other ENFP and ENFJ friends.

    i'm also thinking now about her determination. she seems very determined when it comes to school and career. for a long time we talked about doing volunteer work together, and she was very adamant about it. our schedules didn't allow for us to do volunteer work together, so we gave up. but when we were originally talking about it, she told me she didn't want this to be one of those things where we say we'll do this or do that, but have no follow through. she was very serious. i think this is much more J of her than P.

    i would say she probably seems much more outwardly focused than inwardly (in the ENFP way). but not necessarily more guarded... this is at least not something i've picked up on.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

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    Oh a couple more things - I remember when I first met my bff in high school. It always seemed like she knew everybody, and she never had a problem socially initiating. But here's what she said to me on our first meeting, "I'm intrigued by you because everyone seems to know who you are but no one seems to actually know you."

    Also, I can't stress enough that PEOPLE LOVE ENFJs. People think my ENFJ sister is so nice, it's so easy for her to get people to take her side. While my ENFJ bff is more salty and less politically correct than my sis, she still has that ENFJ Pied Piper quality.

    I'm not saying people don't love ENFPs, but because of our brutal honesty and quirky, sometimes dramatic displays, it makes it less easy to be loved by everyone. It's more of a case of being loved or hated.
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    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    hahaha. I love that she was intrigued by you for that.

    That's basically how I've always described myself. I know tons of people, but none of them really know me. I consider myself friendly, but not actually social. It throws people off when they realize how guarded I am, considering how out there I am.

    I would say this might be a quality of Fi, but ESFP's don't seem to be in that same distant or guarded boat. Perhaps this is another one of those reasons for why ISFP's and ENFP's get confused for one another at times.

    I'd say, putting it in that respect as well, my friend is most likely more Fe.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

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    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
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    have you tried determining what functions she employs rather than comparing her to stereotypes?

    Fe
    The process of extraverted Feeling often involves a desire to connect with (or disconnect from) others and is often evidenced by expressions of warmth (or displeasure) and self-disclosure. The “social graces,” such as being polite, being nice, being friendly, being considerate, and being appropriate, often revolve around the process of extraverted Feeling. Keeping in touch, laughing at jokes when others laugh, and trying to get people to act kindly to each other also involve extraverted Feeling. Using this process, we respond according to expressed or even unexpressed wants and needs of others. We may ask people what they want or need or self-disclose to prompt them to talk more about themselves. This often sparks conversation and lets us know more about them so we can better adjust our behavior to them. Often with this process, we feel pulled to be responsible and take care of others’ feelings, sometimes to the point of not separating our feelings from theirs. We may recognize and adhere to shared values, feelings, and social norms to get along.
    Ni
    Introverted iNtuiting involves synthesizing the seemingly paradoxical or contradictory, which takes understanding to a new level. Using this process, we can have moments when completely new, unimagined realizations come to us. A disengagement from interactions in the room occurs, followed by a sudden “Aha!” or “That’s it!” The sense of the future and the realizations that come from introverted iNtuiting have a sureness and an imperative quality that seem to demand action and help us stay focused on fulfilling our vision or dream of how things will be in the future. Using this process, we might rely on a focal device or symbolic action to predict, enlighten, or transform. We could find ourselves laying out how the future will unfold based on unseen trends and telling signs. This process can involve working out complex concepts or systems of thinking or conceiving of symbolic or novel ways to understand things that are universal. It can lead to creating transcendent experiences or solutions.


    Ne
    Extraverted iNtuiting involves noticing hidden meanings and interpreting them, often entertaining a wealth of possible interpretations from just one idea or interpreting what someone’s behavior really means. It also involves seeing things “as if,” with various possible representations of reality. Using this process, we can juggle many different ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and meanings in our mind at once with the possibility that they are all true. This is like weaving themes and threads together. We don’t know the weave until a thought thread appears or is drawn out in the interaction of thoughts, often brought in from other contexts. Thus a strategy or concept often emerges from the here-and-now interactions, not appearing as a whole beforehand. Using this process we can really appreciate brainstorming and trust what emerges, enjoying imaginative play with scenarios and combining possibilities, using a kind of cross-contextual thinking. Extraverted iNtuiting also can involve catalyzing people and extemporaneously shaping situations, spreading an atmosphere of change through emergent leadership
    Fi
    It is often hard to assign words to the values used to make introverted Feeling judgments since they are often associated with images, feeling tones, and gut reactions more than words. As a cognitive process, it often serves as a filter for information that matches what is valued, wanted, or worth believing in. There can be a continual weighing of the situational worth or importance of everything and a patient balancing of the core issues of peace and conflict in life’s situations. We engage in the process of introverted Feeling when a value is compromised and we think, “Sometimes, some things just have to be said.” On the other hand, most of the time this process works “in private” and is expressed through actions. It helps us know when people are being fake or insincere or if they are basically good. It is like having an internal sense of the “essence” of a person or a project and reading fine distinctions among feeling tones.
    you could try determing her enneagram and instinctual stacking as well, maybe she has an uncommon type/etype combo which would be misleading when taking the stereotype route.



    you could post a picture of her (if she allows it), at least around her eyes, and we could try and determine her type. EFJ eyes usually jump out at me immediatley.

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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    hahaha. I love that she was intrigued by you for that.

    That's basically how I've always described myself. I know tons of people, but none of them really know me. I consider myself friendly, but not actually social. It throws people off when they realize how guarded I am, considering how out there I am.

    I would say this might be a quality of Fi, but ESFP's don't seem to be in that same distant or guarded boat. Perhaps this is another one of those reasons for why ISFP's and ENFP's get confused for one another at times.

    I'd say, putting it in that respect as well, my friend is most likely more Fe.
    Yeah it does seem almost to be an Fi quality, with the exception of ESFPs who can seem more just straight out there and all over the place. I think the confusion between ENFP and ISFP is common because neither of us are as out there as ESFPs but also not as self-contained as INFPs. I think there are also other qualities ENFP and ISFP share, like both types may gravitate toward a hippie/bohemian lifestyle, etc. I actually considered ISFP for myself at one point.

    I'm glad if I could help you type your friend at all.

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    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    ^quite possibly the reason i know soooo many ENFP's and ISFP's.
    "I don't know a perfect person.
    I only know flawed people who are still worth loving."
    -John Green

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    I think my other best friend from high school is ISFP, and we had this profound emotional bond. We just "got" each other. It was really intense, as much as the ENFJ and I were close, with the ISFP there was this whole different level of closeness and psychological intimacy. I think that's the magic of Fi. I think she's ISFP because she was always very, very visually artistic and played several different musical instruments, needed her alone time, had this awesome individualistic fashion sense, and is just totally quirky cool. She's a married mother of three now, and going to school to be a nutritionist/dietician. But we had this super amazing connection, we bonded on some weird inner level that I never did with ENFJ as much as I love her and as close as we are and as much as we laugh at the same things.

    With the ISFP it was almost like...a relationship, for lack of a better word. It was a very intense "romantic friendship." My grandparents were actually disturbed by our friendship, thought there was something unnatural about it, which is funny to me now. It didn't bother her mom at all. I think her mom might be ESFP like my mom.

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    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IndyAnnaJoan View Post
    hmmm... i'm trying to consider the inwardly distant and outwardly distant thing. i can definitely see what you mean when i think of my other ENFP and ENFJ friends.

    i'm also thinking now about her determination. she seems very determined when it comes to school and career. for a long time we talked about doing volunteer work together, and she was very adamant about it. our schedules didn't allow for us to do volunteer work together, so we gave up. but when we were originally talking about it, she told me she didn't want this to be one of those things where we say we'll do this or do that, but have no follow through. she was very serious. i think this is much more J of her than P.

    i would say she probably seems much more outwardly focused than inwardly (in the ENFP way). but not necessarily more guarded... this is at least not something i've picked up on.
    Very determined, this seems to be a hallmark of ENFJ's, at least in my experience with them. I feel they are guarded somewhat but not in a way easily seen or picked up on. They are very funny, they have that sense of humor that's almost tailored to their audience and they are so charismatic, you can't help but love them. Funny though, my ENFJ man can grow more weary in social settings than I do at times, perhaps it's all those vibes from others, the ones I miss or will never see that wears him out. In that case, I am a good wingman and I can say...we're outta here without issue.

    They are very observant, very much seeing what's needed and then doing or organizing the means to do what's needed. Perhaps that's why volunteering rates high for your friend. They don't like to talk the talk, that's for sure. When they set their minds to something, they do and do it well. Career, good is not enough. Standards are set very high for themselves (and others, they are motivators) they don't see failure as an possibility and take it very hard when failure does occur. I think it is a gift to know them well as generally, they know a lot of people and have a lot of acquaintances and friends but few people know them. They are protective and can be smothering from time to time. They very much give off a "parental" feeling and I think they enjoy it.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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