[ENFP] ENFP's & age

[Little Linguist]

I see a common trend here of ENFP's having to "Grow up fast" or having a "difficult childhood". I wonder what that is about? There is like 4-5 of you up there either stating that or relating to that.....

Plus - isn't that pretty much the norm anyway? It wouldn't really be signifigant if it is....

All I ever hear is about how bad someone had it as a kid - you rarely hear anyone say "I had an AWESOME childhood!"

It has nothing to do with 'norms'; it has to do with the facts as I perceive them.

However, I wouldn't say it is negative: The fact that I 'had to grow up fast' is actually a really great thing. I took school seriously when everyone else blew it off; I knew what I wanted and what it would take to get there. I was driven and ambitious.

That's a hell of a lot better than these other guys and gals who have no idea what they want, where they are going, or what their purposes are because they had everything given to them.

Now that I've sort of found my place, I can relax and have the fun I didn't have as a kid. But that's all good because I don't have to be super-serious anymore. And I can enjoy it now because I invested the energy when I had it and took advantage of opportunities that were there.

 

[garbage]

However, I wouldn't say it is negative: The fact that I 'had to grow up fast' is actually a really great thing. I took school seriously when everyone else blew it off; I knew what I wanted and what it would take to get there. I was driven and ambitious.

Now that I've sort of found my place, I can relax and have the fun I didn't have as a kid. But that's all good because I don't have to be super-serious anymore.

Ohh..

Yeah, basically all of this for me, too. Having some stability has the potential to grant you more freedom than you'd have otherwise, so long as you allow your responsibilities to serve you rather than the other way around.

 

[Little Linguist]

Yes, right?! I mean, sure I was the little curmudgeon who sat with her head in a book while everyone else went out and got drunk, but no big deal. What would being drunk and getting laid all the time have gotten me?

Coming from a family of limited means meant that I had to use my brain to get myself out. Generally good things come from people who do not have.

When your stomach is so full that you do not need to think, your mind and creativity die - as does your ambition and your drive to create a better 'you'.

And now that I have gotten far to achieve my goals and dreams, I can relax, and be silly and no one cares. As long as I work hard, do my stuff, etc. I can be as goofy as I want.

 

[revolve]

this is how i see it . . . and what i've experienced first hand, as well as observed from other IRL enfps . . .

we pretty much do everything backwards . . . or in reverse order . . . actually what's really going on is that we do not follow a linear path in life, so it feels backwards . . . also that bob dylan quote "the older i get the younger i get" or something like that rings very true . . .

here's my observations based on irl enfps i know, as well as myself:

1- kinda in a hurry to grow up
2- get into very serious / committed "love" relationships at a relatively young age (for nowadays) & stay in that relationship for more than 3 years
3- maybe (accidentally) get pregnant during that 3+ year relationship or maybe get married
4- 3+ year relationship ends
5- enfp reassesses everything . . . loses a lot of his / her idealism . . . does a 180 or 360 with the dating situation . . .
6- as a result of #5 enfp is more mature, more wise, more "jaded" . . . but at the same time enfp feels younger, freer & loses a lot of previous "expectations" of life & love
7- enfp looks back on previous "serious" relationship & says "what the hell was i thinking staying with X person for so long!!!"

i don't know . . . i'm going on my own tangent . . . i don't know how to express this

 

[alexx]

Perhaps not.

I just keep seeing it - perhaps it's because ENFP's are more open about things?

Maybe I see the negative comments as little imperfections in the smooth lines of text and it bothers me - so it sticks out more.

 

[boondocked]

All I ever hear is about how bad someone had it as a kid - you rarely hear anyone say "I had an AWESOME childhood!"

hahaha...

I had an awesome childhood with a family that was easy to love. And everything up until the past three years had been just as happy. I didn't grow up a lick until the bad times came rolling in :rolli:

I'm 25 now, and definitely went through some phases:

0-10 - Fantastical, created several different imaginary worlds for my friends and little brother to live in with me. Interested in new cultures and languages and wanted to be a missionary. I can definitely see how this was Ne given absolute free rein, but I seem to remember Fi being big as well. What I felt about a situation might as well have been fact, and I had overbearingly strong views on everything.

10-20 - Became more extraverted, more of a leader, but retained that whole NFP perpetually-out-to-lunch thing. Towards the end, I started to develop some more Fe and toned down the weird. Then I lost a bit of it

20-25 - Harder years where I lived out of state, then out of country, then attended grad school and developed a work ethic and a level of conscientiousness and stick-to-it-ness. I see it as developing my J, but I'm not sure which of the judging functions that ENFPs tend to use first. I couldn't say which one I use, regardless. Anyways, the use of it is super difficult and still in progress. Most days I still feel those immature feelings that tell me to eff it all and go on a permanent road trip

I'm full on admiration for those ENFPs in this thread who can wield their J less clumsily. People who get things done are a constant wonder to me.

 

[hard_rain]

Ok. I just turned 19.

I had a pretty terrific childhood, as I was raised by two excellent parents in a very secure environment with a great family. When I ask my mom how I was as a child, she always mentions that I never stopped asking questions. I was curious about everything, in particular people and books. I also had a strange love of mazes.

I know I was also afraid of a lot of things, from disease to being abandoned to natural disasters. I hated elevators and airplanes. I mean, I literally would not set foot in either of those things.

Then, when I was in fourth grade (that makes me, what, nine years old?), I suddenly became comfortable with myself. I turned into what my mother described as a "social butterfly." I had a "girlfriend" for two years and was no longer afraid of anything. Everything went smoothly.

Around 7th grade, I realized I was gay and failed to actually come to terms with this until I was in 9th grade. I think this is where I really developed my Fi, as I had to know myself on my own for so long. I began to write and quickly became passionate about it.

In high school, I had a great number of friends and I became quite comfortable with myself. Now I'm a freshman at college, recently came out and I am doing excellent. I feel as though I know myself very well and feel that I am probably starting in on developing my Te, if this is all true.

I think that makes sense, but what exactly does Te indicate? How would that manifest itself in behavior or in terms of thinking?

Sorry if all I did was recap my life story. I find this thread fascinating.

 

[pyramid]

I'm full on admiration for those ENFPs in this thread who can wield their J less clumsily. People who get things done are a constant wonder to me.

definitely! those productive MFs! I don't want to -be- my INTJ boyfriend but his decisiveness is sexy and I get to observe from his many judgements which ones are most suitable to apply to myself, the ultimate ruminator.

 

[chpmunk]

I'm 18 and I think you're right.

I have the feeling of the other's - I grew up too fast. But I was a happy perky child with lots of friends and lots and lots of questions, and once I got around to learning how to read I fell in love with playing with words.

I feel like you got the order all right so far. Just gotta finish up with the Te I get. O-o

 

[Lotte]

Yes, right?! I mean, sure I was the little curmudgeon who sat with her head in a book while everyone else went out and got drunk, but no big deal. What would being drunk and getting laid all the time have gotten me?

Coming from a family of limited means meant that I had to use my brain to get myself out. Generally good things come from people who do not have.

When your stomach is so full that you do not need to think, your mind and creativity die - as does your ambition and your drive to create a better 'you'.

And now that I have gotten far to achieve my goals and dreams, I can relax, and be silly and no one cares. As long as I work hard, do my stuff, etc. I can be as goofy as I want.

Everything you said rings so true for me. I'm a 40+ INFP married to an ENFP (who is German!) and we share the trait of refusing to grow up. We both have long hair, dress like hippies, and hang out with 25-year-olds in our off-hours, but on company time we are all business.

We know how to have fun, but we were raised to work for everything we have, and those responsibilities have to be met. It takes some work to manage the un-fun stuff like cleaning and paying bills, but we've learned to keep each other mostly in line!

 

[Lady_X]

this is how i see it . . . and what i've experienced first hand, as well as observed from other IRL enfps . . .

we pretty much do everything backwards . . . or in reverse order . . . actually what's really going on is that we do not follow a linear path in life, so it feels backwards . . . also that bob dylan quote "the older i get the younger i get" or something like that rings very true . . .

here's my observations based on irl enfps i know, as well as myself:

1- kinda in a hurry to grow up
2- get into very serious / committed "love" relationships at a relatively young age (for nowadays) & stay in that relationship for more than 3 years
3- maybe (accidentally) get pregnant during that 3+ year relationship or maybe get married
4- 3+ year relationship ends
5- enfp reassesses everything . . . loses a lot of his / her idealism . . . does a 180 or 360 with the dating situation . . .
6- as a result of #5 enfp is more mature, more wise, more "jaded" . . . but at the same time enfp feels younger, freer & loses a lot of previous "expectations" of life & love
7- enfp looks back on previous "serious" relationship & says "what the hell was i thinking staying with X person for so long!!!"

i don't know . . . i'm going on my own tangent . . . i don't know how to express this

That's kinda crazy

 

[nomadic]

this is how i see it . . . and what i've experienced first hand, as well as observed from other IRL enfps . . .

we pretty much do everything backwards . . . or in reverse order . . . actually what's really going on is that we do not follow a linear path in life, so it feels backwards . . . also that bob dylan quote "the older i get the younger i get" or something like that rings very true . . .

here's my observations based on irl enfps i know, as well as myself:

1- kinda in a hurry to grow up
2- get into very serious / committed "love" relationships at a relatively young age (for nowadays) & stay in that relationship for more than 3 years
3- maybe (accidentally) get pregnant during that 3+ year relationship or maybe get married
4- 3+ year relationship ends
5- enfp reassesses everything . . . loses a lot of his / her idealism . . . does a 180 or 360 with the dating situation . . .
6- as a result of #5 enfp is more mature, more wise, more "jaded" . . . but at the same time enfp feels younger, freer & loses a lot of previous "expectations" of life & love
7- enfp looks back on previous "serious" relationship & says "what the hell was i thinking staying with X person for so long!!!"

i don't know . . . i'm going on my own tangent . . . i don't know how to express this

i think i agree with all of them except 7. i don't really regret any of my previous serious relationships (except one) and I only stayed with her bc she tried to commit suicide. but yeah, i think girls who approach late 20's take new relationships more seriously, while guys at that age might still be in "passing time" mode...

 

[gigi_xo]

I agree with a lot of this, its fascinating. all 1-7 esp maybe the thing about pregnant bc i was a bit young



as a child I was extremely friendly and sensitive, bright (reading also well before school started) and curious.

as a teenager (well in high school bc Im in my early 20s) I was quiet, a bit dreamy, boarding on an infp on the inside, but appearing bubbly to others.

I was also a bit over-romantic and got attached to friends/boys/inanimate objects very easily)

It was very difficult for me to contain my emotions. my Fi was a bit overwhelming.

well, it still is and it came out in very strong ways.

also, one thing throughout my life, is its been extremely hard for me to live in the moment and be happy alone. I need people and future expectations and ideals and goals. I cant just sit and be happy without thinking. maybe thats working with my Te and Fi.

is this making any sense? lol

 

[Kate7]

Answer to gigi_xo

Hi there,

I'm probably the oldest enfp on the site so maybe I can help I'm over 40 sooo...

NE:As a kid I was, yes, enthusiastic and friendly, a bit ott

FI: Once I hit 10 onwards i remember a lot of sensitivity. Suddenly being aware that others didn't like me, found me annoying, my ottness, my enthusiasm, my open-ness irritated some. This made me feel more introverted, spent a lot of time thinking, writing poems etc, thought lots about spiritual things, had a lot of connection with deep and meaningful things (another thing others did not seem to understand so I 'introverted' - stopped sharing about) Left school early, had been there WAY long enough, did various jobs which i enjoyed voraciously at first, but then after 6 months got bored with (I've actually never done anything for more than a year - I start out great but long term I just can't commit - see so many other options, don't feel sure, start to feel like it's just 'work' .. oh dear!!!)

TE: Got married young and had lots of children (which was GREAT - always something new AND meaningful going on there!) - also found my TE head, started to enjoy structuring our life, got routines going for housework, daily activities,discipline needs etc. Found it tiring keeping up with them all the time but forced myself for the good of the children.

SI: Post 30 was hard for me. Is hard to see how my Si was developing but I think it showed in an awareness of living every moment, every day. I stopped thinking ahead ALL THE TIME and never really being present, and started being able to just sit down and soak up the moment. I realised that things like food and preparation of food, and simple household chores, and showering etc. where not just pains in the ass I had to do to get by, but where actually enjoyable in themselves and had value. I started to ENJOY a little more of ordinary things and not ALWAYS have to have something big and meaningful going on. I stopped MISSING all the little things (which I would often berate myself for later). Well, all this has happened TO SOME DEGREE but I'm still me - still obviously an enfp. Not so excited about food, much more excited about freeing the depths of your soul, or how life fits together in all it's amazing ways ... And housework, despite my having fairly good grasp of TE and SI, still overwhelms and depresses me on and off ...

Does that help? Please ask a more specific question of me if you like ... I am very interested in this subject and would also like to help you more if I can

 

[Kate7]

one other thing...

I forgot to mention .. under 10 I was definitely CLEVER. Considered a 'genius' at piano playing, in all the advanced classes for English, maths etc. Yet when I got to high school that all dropped away. I THINK this could be because FI took over then ... I realise now I would have done well in higher education but I never got there (at the time) due to high school being a waste of time for me (or maybe me being a waste of time at high school Doesn't matter much though. Is easy to do such things LATER, after you've had a few adventures, lived life a bit, and KNOW yourself and what it's all about more ...

 

[Nonsensical]

I'm 18 and the functions I've developed most intensively over the last 8 years were Fi, then Te, and then Se. In that exact order.

There was a depressive period of my youth, followed by a driven period where I buckled down and got to business with my life. But I got sick of that, and about a year ago I kind of got lazy! That's where Se awoke and brought me to do things in the last year that I won't get into here, but are very monumental marks of my youth.

When I go to college, I'm kind of seeing a return to my core functions, specifically Ne.

 

[Kate7]

Yes, well you do 'grow up' quicker as an enfp because you roll so fast from one thing to the next and are greedy for the next experience. I got married at 18, had my first child at 20, had 4 kids by the time I was 26, then moved to the other side of the world with them, started an experimental church .. now I'm a writer on a news magazine and who knows what's next ...

Also older freinds seems to be a common thread with us all. when I was younger, my friends were always older people, now they're not though cos it seems somewhere during mid life people shut down. Now a lot of poeple I get on best with are younger people .. they are still open and exploring and trusting and often very interesting. Or really OLD people who are just always fascinating ...

 

[Nonsensical]

Yes, well you do 'grow up' quicker as an enfp because you roll so fast from one thing to the next and are greedy for the next experience. I got married at 18, had my first child at 20, had 4 kids by the time I was 26, then moved to the other side of the world with them, started an experimental church .. now I'm a writer on a news magazine and who knows what's next ...

Also older freinds seems to be a common thread with us all. when I was younger, my friends were always older people, now they're not though cos it seems somewhere during mid life people shut down. Now a lot of poeple I get on best with are younger people .. they are still open and exploring and trusting and often very interesting. Or really OLD people who are just always fascinating ...

I could not find more defining words.

 

[Ratsimoan]

I'm 25 years old. I find I haven't develop my Te side, yet. And I don't know when I'll develop it. But I'm not going to force it, it got to be natural.

Anyway, I find that I'm more childish in my mid- twenties than I was in my child and teenage years. I was very mature in my teen years. I feel like I'm living my teen years now. I never want to loss my fun side of me. I picture myself being a very fun and eccentric woman in my last years.

 

[air]

10-20: Creative hermit. Analysing everything. Amazing sense of humour, very dark and deadpan. Sleepless nights thinking of designs, ideas, replaying situations, imagining situations, etc. Had to take natural sleeping tablets every night. Very chatty with my family at home. Always starting things and never finishing them. Left home at 18 to go to college which made my E flourish.

20-30: now in my early 20s I'm a pretty full on extravert and even more childlike than ever before. I PLAY a lot

I forced myself to do an academic course at college which put my creative pursuits on hold, in order to support my humanitarian pursuits. I've also started to force myself to do things like public speaking, etc, due to my humanitarian pursuits. These things do not come natural to me so I had to show a lot of humility. Making these changes, I would say, has changed my personality.

I feel like a can't grow fast enough. I feel like I can't accomplish my goals fast enough and often find myself dreaming about the future when I'm alone. This might be because most of my friends are in their 30s.

Is that what you had in mind??