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Thread: ENFP's & age

  1. #21
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexx View Post
    I see a common trend here of ENFP's having to "Grow up fast" or having a "difficult childhood". I wonder what that is about? There is like 4-5 of you up there either stating that or relating to that.....

    Plus - isn't that pretty much the norm anyway? It wouldn't really be signifigant if it is....

    All I ever hear is about how bad someone had it as a kid - you rarely hear anyone say "I had an AWESOME childhood!"
    It has nothing to do with 'norms'; it has to do with the facts as I perceive them.

    However, I wouldn't say it is negative: The fact that I 'had to grow up fast' is actually a really great thing. I took school seriously when everyone else blew it off; I knew what I wanted and what it would take to get there. I was driven and ambitious.

    That's a hell of a lot better than these other guys and gals who have no idea what they want, where they are going, or what their purposes are because they had everything given to them.

    Now that I've sort of found my place, I can relax and have the fun I didn't have as a kid. But that's all good because I don't have to be super-serious anymore. And I can enjoy it now because I invested the energy when I had it and took advantage of opportunities that were there.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lux Aeterna View Post
    However, I wouldn't say it is negative: The fact that I 'had to grow up fast' is actually a really great thing. I took school seriously when everyone else blew it off; I knew what I wanted and what it would take to get there. I was driven and ambitious.

    Now that I've sort of found my place, I can relax and have the fun I didn't have as a kid. But that's all good because I don't have to be super-serious anymore.
    Ohh..

    Yeah, basically all of this for me, too. Having some stability has the potential to grant you more freedom than you'd have otherwise, so long as you allow your responsibilities to serve you rather than the other way around.

  3. #23
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Yes, right?! I mean, sure I was the little curmudgeon who sat with her head in a book while everyone else went out and got drunk, but no big deal. What would being drunk and getting laid all the time have gotten me?

    Coming from a family of limited means meant that I had to use my brain to get myself out. Generally good things come from people who do not have.

    When your stomach is so full that you do not need to think, your mind and creativity die - as does your ambition and your drive to create a better 'you'.

    And now that I have gotten far to achieve my goals and dreams, I can relax, and be silly and no one cares. As long as I work hard, do my stuff, etc. I can be as goofy as I want.

  4. #24
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    this is how i see it . . . and what i've experienced first hand, as well as observed from other IRL enfps . . .

    we pretty much do everything backwards . . . or in reverse order . . . actually what's really going on is that we do not follow a linear path in life, so it feels backwards . . . also that bob dylan quote "the older i get the younger i get" or something like that rings very true . . .

    here's my observations based on irl enfps i know, as well as myself:

    1- kinda in a hurry to grow up
    2- get into very serious / committed "love" relationships at a relatively young age (for nowadays) & stay in that relationship for more than 3 years
    3- maybe (accidentally) get pregnant during that 3+ year relationship or maybe get married
    4- 3+ year relationship ends
    5- enfp reassesses everything . . . loses a lot of his / her idealism . . . does a 180 or 360 with the dating situation . . .
    6- as a result of #5 enfp is more mature, more wise, more "jaded" . . . but at the same time enfp feels younger, freer & loses a lot of previous "expectations" of life & love
    7- enfp looks back on previous "serious" relationship & says "what the hell was i thinking staying with X person for so long!!!"

    i don't know . . . i'm going on my own tangent . . . i don't know how to express this

  5. #25
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    Perhaps not.

    I just keep seeing it - perhaps it's because ENFP's are more open about things?

    Maybe I see the negative comments as little imperfections in the smooth lines of text and it bothers me - so it sticks out more.

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  6. #26
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexx View Post

    All I ever hear is about how bad someone had it as a kid - you rarely hear anyone say "I had an AWESOME childhood!"
    hahaha...

    I had an awesome childhood with a family that was easy to love. And everything up until the past three years had been just as happy. I didn't grow up a lick until the bad times came rolling in :rolli:

    I'm 25 now, and definitely went through some phases:

    0-10 - Fantastical, created several different imaginary worlds for my friends and little brother to live in with me. Interested in new cultures and languages and wanted to be a missionary. I can definitely see how this was Ne given absolute free rein, but I seem to remember Fi being big as well. What I felt about a situation might as well have been fact, and I had overbearingly strong views on everything.

    10-20 - Became more extraverted, more of a leader, but retained that whole NFP perpetually-out-to-lunch thing. Towards the end, I started to develop some more Fe and toned down the weird. Then I lost a bit of it

    20-25 - Harder years where I lived out of state, then out of country, then attended grad school and developed a work ethic and a level of conscientiousness and stick-to-it-ness. I see it as developing my J, but I'm not sure which of the judging functions that ENFPs tend to use first. I couldn't say which one I use, regardless. Anyways, the use of it is super difficult and still in progress. Most days I still feel those immature feelings that tell me to eff it all and go on a permanent road trip

    I'm full on admiration for those ENFPs in this thread who can wield their J less clumsily. People who get things done are a constant wonder to me.

  7. #27
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    Ok. I just turned 19.

    I had a pretty terrific childhood, as I was raised by two excellent parents in a very secure environment with a great family. When I ask my mom how I was as a child, she always mentions that I never stopped asking questions. I was curious about everything, in particular people and books. I also had a strange love of mazes.

    I know I was also afraid of a lot of things, from disease to being abandoned to natural disasters. I hated elevators and airplanes. I mean, I literally would not set foot in either of those things.

    Then, when I was in fourth grade (that makes me, what, nine years old?), I suddenly became comfortable with myself. I turned into what my mother described as a "social butterfly." I had a "girlfriend" for two years and was no longer afraid of anything. Everything went smoothly.

    Around 7th grade, I realized I was gay and failed to actually come to terms with this until I was in 9th grade. I think this is where I really developed my Fi, as I had to know myself on my own for so long. I began to write and quickly became passionate about it.

    In high school, I had a great number of friends and I became quite comfortable with myself. Now I'm a freshman at college, recently came out and I am doing excellent. I feel as though I know myself very well and feel that I am probably starting in on developing my Te, if this is all true.

    I think that makes sense, but what exactly does Te indicate? How would that manifest itself in behavior or in terms of thinking?

    Sorry if all I did was recap my life story. I find this thread fascinating.

  8. #28
    Senior Member pyramid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boondocked View Post

    I'm full on admiration for those ENFPs in this thread who can wield their J less clumsily. People who get things done are a constant wonder to me.
    definitely! those productive MFs! I don't want to -be- my INTJ boyfriend but his decisiveness is sexy and I get to observe from his many judgements which ones are most suitable to apply to myself, the ultimate ruminator.

  9. #29
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    I'm 18 and I think you're right.

    I have the feeling of the other's - I grew up too fast. But I was a happy perky child with lots of friends and lots and lots of questions, and once I got around to learning how to read I fell in love with playing with words.

    I feel like you got the order all right so far. Just gotta finish up with the Te I get. O-o

  10. #30
    Junior Member Lotte's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    Yes, right?! I mean, sure I was the little curmudgeon who sat with her head in a book while everyone else went out and got drunk, but no big deal. What would being drunk and getting laid all the time have gotten me?

    Coming from a family of limited means meant that I had to use my brain to get myself out. Generally good things come from people who do not have.

    When your stomach is so full that you do not need to think, your mind and creativity die - as does your ambition and your drive to create a better 'you'.

    And now that I have gotten far to achieve my goals and dreams, I can relax, and be silly and no one cares. As long as I work hard, do my stuff, etc. I can be as goofy as I want.
    Everything you said rings so true for me. I'm a 40+ INFP married to an ENFP (who is German!) and we share the trait of refusing to grow up. We both have long hair, dress like hippies, and hang out with 25-year-olds in our off-hours, but on company time we are all business.

    We know how to have fun, but we were raised to work for everything we have, and those responsibilities have to be met. It takes some work to manage the un-fun stuff like cleaning and paying bills, but we've learned to keep each other mostly in line!

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