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  1. #1
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    Lightbulb How can I have INFJ's love !?!

    I'm ENTJ and I am loving an INFJ girl. I really-especially-and deeply love her! But I also realized it so hard for me to have her love!

    I realized that my thinking, my plans, my ideas, .... have no effect with her (INFJ). One time, when I feel too sad and lonely, I call her and talk to her with my heart, and it's effective, As it would seem that she can feel my heart, or she love the emotion from the heart .... something like that. But that just a moment, I cannot always do that, you know, I am ENTJ.

    We know that it's so hard for ENTJ to talk and take care with the heart or feeling. So ... how can I conquer an INFJ's heart?

    Please, give me some advice!

  2. #2
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    The good news is that ENTJs tend to look good to us because they are hard-working, passionate, decisive, entrepreneurial, always learning, not swayed with every little wind, not wildly emotional, and are take-chargey.

    The bad news is that those same qualities can leave us feeling neglected or ignored or ran over, that you are insensitive or emotionally closed off, or that you don't value our pursuits as you do your own.

    I think in a relationship between the two, the ENTJ needs someone to challenge them, but to still let them be in charge. That's a delicate balance and the very decisive qualities that are at first attractive, can be quite frustrating later. Similarly, our endearing qualities of adaptability, passion about what we do, warm communicativeness and sensitivity can be quite annoying and seem like a burden to an ENTJ after awhile.

    Generally, INFJs need to learn to say how they feel immediately and bluntly when they feel something has gone wrong. Their natural inclination is to process it carefully first to see if their feelings are valid, and collect more data. They also don't like being as direct as is required for the ENTJ to perceive the issue as mattering to the INFJ. It doesn't work well with an ENTJ and often leads to a lot of over-emotion and resentment on the INFJ's part and a lot of frustration and ignoring on the ENTJ's.

    If you recognize those things, you might have a chance of making a go of it, but there are probably better matches out there for you.

    One thing to guard against is pushing an INFJ to reciprocate your feelings before they have had time to process their own. You may get an initial yes under pressure, but it makes it more likely that they will not last. Don't come on too forcefully and your chances of success will increase. You also have to be prepared to carve out time for them regularly and be prepared to listen to them openly. If you do that, they tend to be quite aggreeable and independent creatures. If not, they can be strident, emotional or needy.

  3. #3
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    If you google INFJ and ENTP pairings, there is an article somewhere that delineates the goods and bads of the relationship and where both will have to flex. There's also a thread either in the NF or the NT forum (I think the NT forum) on how relationships between the two tend to work out. There are also a number of INFJs on here who have EXTJ exes who may be able to offer some insight.

  4. #4
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    Based on my personal experience, try treating her like a queen, then ignoring her and treating her like shit, then just as she's ready to give up hope, swoop in and make everything better. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    Sigh...don't mind me. I'm just terribly jaded and bitter.

  5. #5
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yeah, we're suckers for that kind of thing, but it's also a good way to earn their everlasting resentment. Wouldn't recommend it.

  6. #6
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    You have to be a charming prince on a white horse with some obvious but acceptible surface flaws.

    They want to dream about you but without the flaws they won't believe you exist and develop trust issues.

    Be a king with a crutch and INFJ heart you shall touch.


    edit: You should probably read this as: don't try too hard, just show interest and be yourself. Personally I like the above better though. But it all comes down to the same thing.

    Also, being the one to come out with the feelings is advised. Heck, with INFJ's you never know. She may already be in love with you, but you'd be completely oblivious to it unless you give her the green light to show it.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #7
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    Write INFJ poetry..

    Works for me..

  8. #8
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Lol @ Fluffy!

  9. #9
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    Hi tommyrader, I feel a lot of compassion for someone lovelorn like yourself. I understand what you are saying about the times you can connect with your girl and how much you desire more of that. Yet I find myself wincing slightly at some of the terms: "have her love", "conquer an INFJ's heart" I fear they might symbolize an approach that simply isn't appropriate. The love inside of her isn't really something you you can stratgeize your way into possessing. Aren't your interactions already sending you that message? In that way, dear ENTJ, it may be unlike anything else you will encounter or want in life. The normal rules about toiling, executing and achieving do not apply here. And thats one reason why its infinitely more precious. I'm sorry, but I don't have suggestions for you to try to solve this question "How can I have INFJ's love!?" Trying so hard to win, in this situation, just seems to be self-defeating. But I don't blame you for your compulsion to strive. I don't blame you for feeling so frustrated.


    Quote Originally Posted by tommyrader View Post
    So ... how can I conquer an INFJ's heart?
    I don't have your answer, but if you find out, tell it to me, won't you? I would like to conquer my own.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
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    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Write INFJ poetry..

    Works for me..
    I should probably add.. That it works in attracting them somehow.. But I do a pretty poor job of keeping them around once they have "chosen" me.

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