[INFJ] How can I have INFJ's love !?!

[eclare]

Can I ask you one question, my friends.

INFJ don't like power and don't like to be affected by power, do they ?

I don't think that's exactly correct. I know for me, personally, I appreciate someone who can wield power and influence on others as long as it's being used positively. I do NOT respond well to attempts to manipulate me, though. I think maybe it's more an issue of sincerity and intent. Strength that is used to support and lift others is very attractive. Strength that is used to deceive and manipulate others is profoundly unattractive.

 

[Vasilisa]

@Vasilisa: I'm sorry that I used wrong words and I also think I'm wrong in the point of view of love or the way I feel the love .... ( I'm really bad in describing my feeling).
But you know that, I sincerely love her from the time I know that she waited her close friend (she loved him) 2 years in sadness.

The story is that she and her close friend go together in 2 years. After that, they get into university. From that time, she and he is no longer close like the past. From that time, she's lonely, sad, hurt so much and ... it took 2 years.
She share all those things to me (as a brother) and I know that, from that time, I fell in love with her.​

I really love when I realize she's so Loyal, faithful. She love people, She's tolerant; generous. She's sincere but also very intelligent (maybe more than me). But because of that, I realize that her heart is the huge castle that I can't get into.
It's so hard with me, the one that have problem in reveal emotion, feeling. the one that have problem to talk with the heart inside.

Awww, the tenderness of the feelings in your heart do come through here.

The one thing is, Tommyrader, I don't want to see you thrashing yourself for not having the gumption to immediately deliver some kind of sufficiently sweeping, mushy declaration of love. That is not the surefire way into the castle, using your metaphor. It could (could because I don't speak for all INFJs or her) be a bit like using a battering ram.

You see her, right, Tommyrader? You beautifully listed things about her (devotion, gentleness, depth of emotion) that move your spirit. And since that resonates inside of you, surely its possible to connect in an exchange. Another beautiful thing is that there may be things in you that she notices and really admires and can connect with aspects in herself. As an INFJ, I don't think I'm looking for a mirror necessarily, I love the differences in people and how those differences can bring about a new consonance, or harmony, for us both. Its a way of intimate growing that appeals to me, maybe other INFJs, too. You say shes intelligent, have you shared any deep conversations on intellectual topics with her? Personally, I love people who will graciously share insight about topics with me, idea exchange with people from completely different perspectives, who have courtesy and do not condescend.

There are some pronouncements put forward on this forum that INFJs need to know your feelings and perceptions regarding them bluntly, the moment you have them. And I just don't find that to be that case in myself. Just personally, I feel comfortable in a more organic progress in getting close to someone. Sincere, but not hurried. I'm a sucker for the romantic, but that may not be the same thing as Hollywood depicted romance. The symbolic really appeals to me. Thats why above I used the word exchange, not necessarily conversation. There are threads about INFJs own habits in pursuing someone romantically. That might give you some insight, too. For me I love to really listen to my favorite person, and hold on to their words and the meaning and remember them. And when someone does that for me its quite nice. So, I just hope that you realize you don't have to steel yourself into being some sort of verbal emo battering ram, if it doesn't seem true to who you are. There are other ways in the castle.

Simply loving someone does take courage, and sharing your heart takes courage and strength. I think you will find them within yourself. Sometimes the right moment just presents itself and you know its time to speak your sincere truth and you find the bravery within yourself naturally. And that is a joyous thing.

and please, have fun storming the castle.​

 

[tommyrader]

Great Advices, Vasilisa! Thank you so much!

I'm not sure if I can apply it well, but I know that, I feel easy and happy when I read your reply ^^

P/s: Nice Video, Vasilisa ^^

 

[eclare]

There are some pronouncements put forward on this forum that INFJs need to know your feelings and perceptions regarding them bluntly, the moment you have them. And I just don't find that to be that case in myself. Just personally, I feel comfortable in a more organic progress in getting close to someone. Sincere, but not hurried.
...
So, I just hope that you realize you don't have to steel yourself into being some sort of verbal emo battering ram, if it doesn't seem true to who you are. There are other ways in the castle.

Oh, absolutely. I realize now that it probably came across that I was suggesting some sort of grand pronouncement was in order, but definitely not. The method by which you share your feelings should definitely be organic. My point was simply that the feelings do need to be shared in one for or another, and they will almost certainly need to be shared in some verbal manner. But it can be simple and organic. If she gives you a good piece of advice, just say something that conveys that you appreciate herunique perspective. Like, "Wow. I never would have considered that, but you're absolutely right."

And I agree witih everything else Vasilisa says as well.

 

[LotsOfHeart]

Tommyrader,

Those were some moving words. It is obvious that you really like her, in a very deep way. If the girl you're describing is like most INFJs she is very in tune with why people do what they do. Like most people, INFJs like people they can trust and talk to who treat them with respect. However, with INFJs it's on a grander scale because they are so in tune with people's behaviors that they tend to care just as much, if not more, about why someone does something, as opposed to what they do. INFJs tend to like deeper relationships for the long term. It's good you're developing your feeling side because that will help too. I would say gain her trust...It might take some time but it will be worth it. Also, my dad is an ENTJ and my mom is an INFJ (both took the test) so the relationship is definitely possible. Not to brag, but INFJs can be pretty flexible about dating/befriending all types of people, moreso than most types. Go for it!

 

[ragashree]

How can I have INFJ's love !?!

1) Give the thing that you most value yourself if you want to be sure of getting it in return. No, really.

We know that it's so hard for ENTJ to talk and take care with the heart or feeling. So ... how can I conquer an INFJ's heart?

2) So it's hard? Then work on it, instead of taking the easy way out by relapsing into comfortable patterns of behaviour. You believe in self-improvement, don't you?

If it's a such a challenge to make yourself vulnerable and open up in that way, ie actually being real with someone, then all the more reason to do it if you really want this person to be able to trust you. Otherwise she is just *rightly* likely to get the impression that you are just playing games with her emotions in order to try to get what you want. Would you value anyone who was so easily taken in by you withholding a part of yourself? Sounds like she's clearly indicating what she wants, but if you go on being reluctant to give that she is likely to withold a part of herself too. I can't say I blame her...

 

[tommyrader]

@LotsOfHeart:

If the girl you're describing is like most INFJs she is very in tune with why people do what they do.

It's real LotsofHeart cause now, when I want to hide my love for her, it's really hard (especially with ENTJ) she nearly know what I want, what I feel through my careness.

Sorry all my friends but, so Ridiculous, Now I want to hide my love with her (although I still love her so much) Because she realized my sentiment, she don't want me to be near her too much. Such the bad thing!

@ragashree: You're right. I have to challenge myself and do the hard thing.
I'm practicing to control my emotion, show it when I want and keep it when I don't.
Do you have any advices for me ^^