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  1. #1
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Default I am really nervous and confused right now

    Hey, I really am not sure if I should write about it here, but as the title indicates it really eats me up right now and I think I need to get it out.

    On New Year's Eve I am going to a party of old school mates. It is possible, although I really don't know, if there will come up also that girl I was really into for so long time. I didn't see her for over a year. Up until some months ago I still thought about her so often though. Then came a time where I thought less about her, and I really started to believe I was finally over her, but since some weeks I again think about her and it gets more intense the day tomorrow comes nearer. I mean, it is just the possibility that she might be there, I don't know if she is even there or if that even matters, since I mean, even if she was there, what should be even happening then?

    It is already pretty exactly 3 years ago that I got that crush on her and still I did not forget about it, although we were never in a relationship or so. I guess going into the details would be too much for now though, it is a bit more complicated. I just wonder why I am feeling like that now, and try to find rational answers on it although I usually wouldn't care about that, and my heart seems to be pretty sure on that topic.

    I mean, she was the only girl I really fell in love to yet, and I am rather lonely and maybe it is just the idea of love which is what I desire, and I necessarily associate it with her for that reason although it is already so long ago? Or are my feelings still so intense for her? How do I know if I am over her really, or how will I be able to get over her?

    I just wonder that if I really should meet her there, and if we should come into a talk, what I should be doing then actually... I feel so confused, nearly as confused as I was back then in that time when I was still seeing her at school regularly.

  2. #2
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Have you ever said anything to her? Seems like it'll be something you always regret if you don't at least try to see if she may be interested.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    No, I did not... as I say it was more complicated. Actually in backsight I think she was into me before I was into her. The thing just is I was not sure back then on it. I was unsure on myself on it back then too, and I waited too long on it (I was being an idiot), and I think she lost interest in me then later. I found then out by chance on holidays that she suddenly had a boyfriend. I know though that they broke up some time and that she is now single again.

    But really, even if she would be there I would not know what to do. I mean, we didn't even talk for a year anymore and I doubt that she will have interest in me still.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Just poke her on facebook or something.

  5. #5
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    I mean, we didn't even talk for a year
    Then there is a lot to catch up on. I also like what Kasper and MatsNorway have to say. GOod luck!
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  6. #6
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.

  7. #7
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    Contact her. Living in this sort of misery is unnecessary.

    There is a possibility that she only represents what you want in a partner/relationship, but it's a risk worth taking rather than stewing about it. If you don't ask, you'll never know.

  8. #8
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    Hey, I really am not sure if I should write about it here, but as the title indicates it really eats me up right now and I think I need to get it out.

    On New Year's Eve I am going to a party of old school mates. It is possible, although I really don't know, if there will come up also that girl I was really into for so long time. I didn't see her for over a year. Up until some months ago I still thought about her so often though. Then came a time where I thought less about her, and I really started to believe I was finally over her, but since some weeks I again think about her and it gets more intense the day tomorrow comes nearer. I mean, it is just the possibility that she might be there, I don't know if she is even there or if that even matters, since I mean, even if she was there, what should be even happening then?

    It is already pretty exactly 3 years ago that I got that crush on her and still I did not forget about it, although we were never in a relationship or so. I guess going into the details would be too much for now though, it is a bit more complicated. I just wonder why I am feeling like that now, and try to find rational answers on it although I usually wouldn't care about that, and my heart seems to be pretty sure on that topic.

    I mean, she was the only girl I really fell in love to yet, and I am rather lonely and maybe it is just the idea of love which is what I desire, and I necessarily associate it with her for that reason although it is already so long ago? Or are my feelings still so intense for her? How do I know if I am over her really, or how will I be able to get over her?

    I just wonder that if I really should meet her there, and if we should come into a talk, what I should be doing then actually... I feel so confused, nearly as confused as I was back then in that time when I was still seeing her at school regularly.
    I don't know why you think this is weird. I dated a girl 7 years ago, and if I knew I would run into her, I would definitely have an emotional reaction. I don't like her anymore, and I don't want to be with her, but still, I had a lot of feelings for this person and I haven't seen her for years. Both of those factors create an emotional reaction, and if one begins to worry about the significance of that emotional reaction, as you are, the emotional reaction and worry will just increase, which'll provoke more worry, more emotion, more worry, etc.

    I'm not suggesting you stop any of that emotional noise. I'm suggesting you don't need to, because it's normal, understandable, and even comical. Give it a little time and the intensity of those feelings will begin to subside (and then peak again when you're at the party, but then they'll subside once again and you'll have access to your calm self again.

    You don't have to decide what to do when you meet her, whether to talk to her, ignore it, be friendly, be this, be that, whatever. You don't have to plan it. Just go there and see what happens. Maybe you decide to talk to her, maybe you realize it's not that interesting, or maybe you just wait and don't do anything proactive. Maybe you just reminisce about a memory or two and then play beer pong. You don't have to decide in advance. You can just see how you're feeling at that moment. There's no right way or wrong way to act or think or feel.

    Just go. At the very worst, you'll be proud of yourself for standing up to your feelings and mind and doing something brave. At best, you make her jealous or sleep with her, whichever you prefer.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I guess I have no other choice than just look how things come today for now at least I guess. Oh well, if there was just not this overwhelming nervousity which makes itself noticeable even physically. I couldn't eat much for lunch. I don't even know what I can answer now here right now any more.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Some people find overwhelming nervousity endearing.

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