Hey, I really am not sure if I should write about it here, but as the title indicates it really eats me up right now and I think I need to get it out.
On New Year's Eve I am going to a party of old school mates. It is possible, although I really don't know, if there will come up also that girl I was really into for so long time. I didn't see her for over a year. Up until some months ago I still thought about her so often though. Then came a time where I thought less about her, and I really started to believe I was finally over her, but since some weeks I again think about her and it gets more intense the day tomorrow comes nearer. I mean, it is just the possibility that she might be there, I don't know if she is even there or if that even matters, since I mean, even if she was there, what should be even happening then?
It is already pretty exactly 3 years ago that I got that crush on her and still I did not forget about it, although we were never in a relationship or so. I guess going into the details would be too much for now though, it is a bit more complicated. I just wonder why I am feeling like that now, and try to find rational answers on it although I usually wouldn't care about that, and my heart seems to be pretty sure on that topic.
I mean, she was the only girl I really fell in love to yet, and I am rather lonely and maybe it is just the idea of love which is what I desire, and I necessarily associate it with her for that reason although it is already so long ago? Or are my feelings still so intense for her? How do I know if I am over her really, or how will I be able to get over her?
I just wonder that if I really should meet her there, and if we should come into a talk, what I should be doing then actually... I feel so confused, nearly as confused as I was back then in that time when I was still seeing her at school regularly.