that sounds like meConcerning INTPs I've known.....(sorry so long....found it easier to copy + paste from a post elsewhere online)
We definitely connected intellectually; a major plus was that we both could discuss these interests (ie. literature, art, music, philosophy, science, etc), and we were both able to be open about our feelings. Even they were surprised at how open they were (but I get that with people a lot). I could also be cynical in my expressions without criticism from one INTP, and he'd do the same with me....we'd egg each other on actually, and then both end up talking the other out of such a negative mindset. Most people would just correct me immediately or write me off as a downer, which I find frustrating. Neither of us offered the other cliche advice either...there was just a listening, an understanding, and then a confirmation of the other's own realization for a solution.
The downside was the "button pushing". The INTPs I dealt with could get belligerent, and would become condescending in asserting their beliefs. The logic blinders would go on, and they'd get so "objective" with their opinions that they'd forget who they were talking to and end up totally insulting my intelligence, even berating me. I realize it was a sort of "intellectual venting", but having that taken out on me was exhausting, and it became downright verbally abusive at times (including rather petty, vicious name calling from the INTP). Then they'd get mad because I'd take it "personally", but they made it personal by attacking my views & character so they could soothe their pent up anger at the irrational world.
I also got tired of having to explain in detail every belief/feeling I had. If I was not up to making an argument for every belief I expressed, then my feelings were dismissed by them. I find that disrespectful and degrading. I don't owe an explanation of every belief I have, and it's a courtesy when I do consent to explain my views. Just because I don't explain my thinking does not make it unreasonable, but the INTPs would not accept that, and they'd needle and needle me until I got mad (and most people call me patient in this respect). Sometimes to break my feelings down into purely intellectual terms is nearly impossible, or it would take such large amount of explanation that it would drain me to try. When I decline to explain myself, it is not because I don't have a good reason; it's that I don't have the energy. I especially won't use that energy if I suspect it will just be dismissed anyway, since it comes from an evaluative, idealistic reasoning (as opposed to dry, black & white logic). I didn't ask the INTPs to put their reasoning into feeling terms, and I'm perfectly capable of seeing the validity in their thoughts, so I can't see why they were so obtuse to mine (where is their Ne?!).
I don't even mind being probed a bit. What I dislike is this sort of "prove it to me" attitude, as if the INTP is the sole arbiter of all that is true in the world. I need someone to respect me as an intellectual peer. I don't mind explaining my reasoning process to a point, but I do mind the condescending attitude. I don't have a hard time grasping the reasoning of another person & their perspective, without it being detailed & broken down completely. I suppose INFPs are seeking a holistic grasp of their viewpoint, and I don't see why Ne is failing the INTP there. I suspect the pedantic approach stems from some insecurity of theirs; I don't know what else to chalk it up to. They didn't seem to learn to ever give the benefit of the doubt, even with people they generally respect. Funny how they could not stand the same scrutiny in return though.... It just all seemed arrogant and hypocritical to me.
Another major problem was, these INTPs would never apologize & never admit when they were wrong. They'd always make some excuse instead of owning up to a mistake. This can be a weak spot in me also, but hanging out with them highlighted my compassionate & humble side. They'd also seem very unaware or in denial of their own emotional motivations. Emotional motivations come through loud & clear to an INFP, like nails on a chalkboard, and when someone claims they are objective or unbiased when they are not, it just seems delusional & arrogant. Basically, the tiffs which ended these relationships could have been resolved with a sincere apology & admitting of an irrational moment. I found myself making peace, but I never saw an effort on their part, so I'd cut them out of my life. It's needs to be a two-way street when it comes to compromise.
One INTP learned to let things go and the relationship went along well, but he was in therapy and on meds at the time (he has a LOT of issues from childhood trauma...). Then he got the bright idea to quit both, and it all went downhill very fast (he was VERY emotionally unstable). I sometimes got the feeling he was so insecure that he wanted to come to hate me so he could reject me before I rejected him. It seemed like he picked arguments for this reason....if he could see me as shallow, stupid, and unreasonable as he saw most people, then he could get over me and not risk any hurt. Sometimes he would get mad if I agreed with him. It's like he wanted me to disagree so we could argue. I get the impression it made him feel less "unique" when people actually did understand his views (no doubt he was a 5w4).
My uncle is also INTP, and unique to him compared to the above guys is the way his inferior Fe plays out (probably as he's older). He is super sensitive to rudeness in others, yet oblivious to his own rudeness (which he has a rep for in the family). I've noticed this with INTPs online also. They can be flippant, rude, offensive, etc, but if someone else is, then they are horrified. Major blind spot I guess... My uncle is more stable emotionally than the other INTPs I've dealt with, but just as condescending and dismissive.
Anyway, I do best with them when I keep them at arm's length. I've been casual friends with an InTP since kindergarten, and we get along fine, but we have no real connection beyond interacting socially in groups.