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  1. #21
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Shape those nails into razor edge claws, and if he doesn't open back up (after pulling a stunt like he did), you may commence with the stabbing and slashing.
    Wow! You INFPs can get quite feisty. He was rather hot and bothered when he asked me the question - in only a INFP subdued manner. It turned me on because his true passion came through. Maybe the claws will work but I believe I'll commence with a kiss. Kill them with kindness. That's what I always say.
    What if everything's an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Yeah. Well. I just opened up a whole bunch (non inebriated semiconfessional) to an INFP after he confronted me about my feelings - and he was pretty insistent I give him an answer (I didn't know INFPs could be like that). He caught me off guard and I couldn't respond. He was pretty impatient with me and said, "you're not answering the question." I just couldn't answer him on the spot because the feelings run so deep. Later I emailed him a lengthy email revealing to him in great detail how I feel when I'm with him. I just wish he would return the favor. I hope I didn't scare him away with the intensity of the feelings I expressed. It will be interesting to see how he responds.
    Well, at least you got the right to demand the same from him now...

    If I'd have to guess the logic behind his behavior... it's something I've wondered a couple of times myself... I think I do this kind of weird stunts when I've been trying to keep myself in this vague, "let's not define anything" kind of a P-state, and still want to define it. Then my need for definitions bursts and presents itself in a strange way. It's like, I'm so used to not defining anything that it can repress the other side, because, most of the time my Pness works great for me...

  3. #23
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i don't think it would necessarily make them open up about things they have no desire to discuss but i think it may make it easier for them to discuss things they already wanted to...just by the natural flow of conversation that people seem to have when hanging out and sharing some wine or whatever.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #24
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Well, at least you got the right to demand the same from him now...
    With all due respect, Nolla, I'm not going to demand any response from him. If he wants to share his feelings, great - if not, well, that will be pretty telling. Regardless of whether he's an INFP or not, he still needs to take responsibilty for expressing his feelings. No excuses now. If he comes up with any, I will not accept them.

    I don't believe in forcing feelings out of anyone. That's why I am angry now - he put me in that position (I recognize that might be disingenuous on my part. But it's how I feel. Getting him drunk is part of a fantasy - but I actually wouldn't do it. Although if it happened to occur over the course of an evening...

    If I'd have to guess the logic behind his behavior... it's something I've wondered a couple of times myself... I think I do this kind of weird stunts when I've been trying to keep myself in this vague, "let's not define anything" kind of a P-state, and still want to define it. Then my need for definitions bursts and presents itself in a strange way. It's like, I'm so used to not defining anything that it can repress the other side, because, most of the time my Pness works great for me...[/QUOTE]
    What if everything's an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

  5. #25
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Well, at least you got the right to demand the same from him now...
    With all due respect, Nolla, I'm not going to demand any response from him. If he wants to share his feelings, great - if not, well, that will be pretty telling. Regardless of whether he's an INFP or not, he still needs to take responsibilty for expressing his feelings. No excuses now. If he comes up with any, I will not accept them.

    I don't believe in forcing feelings out of anyone. That's why I am angry now - he put me in that position (I recognize that might be disingenuous on my part. But it's how I feel. Getting him drunk is part of a fantasy - but I actually wouldn't do it. Although if it happened to occur over the course of an evening...

    If I'd have to guess the logic behind his behavior... it's something I've wondered a couple of times myself... I think I do this kind of weird stunts when I've been trying to keep myself in this vague, "let's not define anything" kind of a P-state, and still want to define it. Then my need for definitions bursts and presents itself in a strange way. It's like, I'm so used to not defining anything that it can repress the other side, because, most of the time my Pness works great for me...[/QUOTE]
    What if everything's an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    With all due respect, Nolla, I'm not going to demand any response from him. If he wants to share his feelings, great - if not, well, that will be pretty telling. Regardless of whether he's an INFP or not, he still needs to take responsibilty for expressing his feelings. No excuses now. If he comes up with any, I will not accept them.

    I don't believe in forcing feelings out of anyone.
    Well, I wasn't saying you should. I'm with you on this one. I should have used this smilie with the comment.

    Actually I don't get how it is even possible to make any statement about your feelings without it being false in one way or another. Still, sometimes I'd like to hear such a statement...

  7. #27
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    I have learned to take anyone who is drunk much more seriously. They know what they might be saying and they may not, but by the chance that they think they can blame what they said on the alcohol they may tell you how they truly feel. I never force it, but I've been around when this happens. No one takes them seriously and they know that.

  8. #28
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    I have opened myself up quite a bit. However, It seems like he's playing catch up with me much of the time. That's my concern. The increasing sense of vulnerability that has not been reciprocated. He has opened up in the last few months having become much more comfortable. He says it feels really good to be with me and he enjoys our time together because we have a lot of fun. But I'm not sure the feelings go any deeper. With INFP, they do, don't they? I don't know.
    It's hard to say....often my feelings are much deeper than I express. They can be 1/100th of how I really feel. Other times, they are rather accurate expressions of a shallow feeling. What adds weight is the behavior that goes along with the words. It can be hard for an INFP to find adequate words to express feelings, so sometimes we show it through rather indirect means. It's too bad he did not take your expression as an opening; my experience with ENFJs (I have less with INFJs in this way) is that their gushy-ness helped me to open up & find ways to express positive feeling (to the point where I felt uneven sharing, with more on on my end). On the other hand, I take a lot of time to warm up in general, so subtleties mean a lot more from me than most. If he's already shown signs of becoming more comfortable with you, then there's a good chance he'll continue along those lines.

    Sorry if you've already mentioned this; but have you directly asked him how he feels? I don't mean to demand anything, but to ask him as he asked you. I agree you should be allowed to expect some reciprocation as far as expressing feelings go; I think it's okay to say, "So when are you going to tell me how you feel?". If you ask playfully, that may put him at ease to talk.

    The very fact he was intent on knowing how you feel says a lot in itself also. If he didn't care much about you, then he wouldn't care about how you felt enough to ask so directly (as you're right, that is rather brave for an INFP).

    He tests me ALL of the time. It's only after the conversation that I figure out what he was actually saying. I'm constantly reading between the lines. It feels a bit intimidating to constantly feel like you're being scrutinized. However, I figure either he likes me or he doesn't. There's not much I can do but be myself.
    Of course you can't...If you're unsure about how he feels, consider his behavior. It says a lot for me to make time for someone, to see/call them regularly, to become comfortable around them & enjoy my time with them, etc. I can't speak for all INFPs, but I'm a rather solitary character who needs a lot of space, and I don't make a lot of time in my life for just anyone. I'm apt to disappear pretty quickly when dating someone once I decide they are not for me, and that's usually relatively fast. I realize you want/need confirmation in words also, but actions do say a lot.

    If it's any comfort, I don't really "scrutinize" people when I toss a "test" out. It's almost unconscious to begin with, and I respond in a more emotional manner to it than an analytical one. If a person repeatedly failed, I'd be withdrawing, not slowly opening up, so it seems you're doing well (if he is similar to this INFP anyway).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #29
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    Are you expecting one to be a poetical, emotional mess?

  10. #30
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    I will...although not in the most articulate manner, which as deep sentiments they should be credited with. Cheapens them and such...
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

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