[MBTI General] Romance question for male INFPs

[Economica]

Okay, so at a club this weekend I got hit on by a likely INFP. party2 We talked for about 45 minutes and I felt like it was a classic case of what JivinJeffJones once described:

In my experience, guys tend to see more interesting qualities than may actually be there (personality-wise) with attractive girls. They are far more willing to suspend judgement on the foibles of an attractive girl's personality and far more willing to laud the fortes.

Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be blush which was... more F! As I perceived it, logic, detached irony and my major (economics) all elicited mild disappointment, whereas enthusiastic warmth and soft looks made him more eager.

(I should mention that I told him early on that I was not available. He still wanted to talk, and I wanted to talk to him for a reason I will not divulge here. )

The experience was exactly the reverse of the ones I have with ENFP men and it epitomized for me the dynamic I find I have with INFP men, which is generally good but characterized by sporadic T/F clashes. Two ENTJ female friends and I find that in our relationships (my platonic, their romantic) with INFP men, we've been told we 'listen like men' i.e. wanting to solve problems rather than just patiently empathizing. :redface:

However, personally I might well be suffering from confirmation bias since I believe that INFPs go well romantically with ENFJs. My question for the male INFPs is therefore: How are you attracted to T and F in general and specifically NTJs vs. NFJs?

 

[disregard]

Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be blush which was... more F!

I have done this.... but I was being told I was an INFP! And admired for my phantom F! I was like.. but.. but.. I'm not really as _______ as you are describing me to be.. I don't think you know me that well.. Finally I said enough's enough, I was only acting like an INFP because you so very much wanted me to be one.

 

[runvardh]

I seem to be most attracted to the expression of Ti in any one the top four slots. Don't know what to say past that other than I try to be good kitty anyway. However, I do find immaturely dominant Fe excessively grating, but that my follow for most immaturity.

 

[Economica]

I seem to be most attracted to the expression of Ti in any one the top four slots. Don't know what to say past that other than I try to be good kitty anyway.

Do you have any experience with NJs? Expound please!

 

[badsykes]

anyone read about this?
Peter Pan syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[runvardh]

Do you have any experience with NJs? Expound please!

Only NFJs, best I can give you is they're a lot of :SaiyanSmilie_anim: which ends up with me going

It's hard to be good when that happens but... I try...

 

[Economica]

Only NFJs, best I can give you is they're a lot of :SaiyanSmilie_anim: which ends up with me going

I never thought I'd say this, but: Too many smileys!

anyone read about this?
Peter Pan syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Please clarify what you are insinuating?

 

[heart]

Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be blush which was... more F! As I perceived it, logic, detached irony and my major (economics) all elicited mild disappointment, whereas enthusiastic warmth and soft looks made him more eager.

This seems like it could eventually become exhausting for the T and after the T was unable to keep up the facade...disappointing for the F. Short-term could be fun I suppose.

Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones
In my experience, guys tend to see more interesting qualities than may actually be there (personality-wise) with attractive girls. They are far more willing to suspend judgement on the foibles of an attractive girl's personality and far more willing to laud the fortes.

Yes, INFP will idealize and put a gloss over a person. I have always (since teen years) been very good at convincing myself that a man is more physically attractive than I might have first thought he was if his internal characteristics match up. Once I am convinced, it sticks and it is a real thing to me, made dearer by the person themselves.

 

[Ender]

Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be blush which was... more F! As I perceived it, logic, detached irony and my major (economics) all elicited mild disappointment, whereas enthusiastic warmth and soft looks made him more eager.

The experience was exactly the reverse of the ones I have with ENFP men and it epitomized for me the dynamic I find I have with INFP men, which is generally good but characterized by sporadic T/F clashes. Two ENTJ female friends and I find that in our relationships (my platonic, their romantic) with INFP men, we've been told we 'listen like men' i.e. wanting to solve problems rather than just patiently empathizing. :redface:

How are you attracted to T and F in general and specifically NTJs vs. NFJs?

I dated an INTJ for 3years and in some ways it was exactly like you described above.

The behavior moderation part tho was give and take both ways for me and her. I had to be more T at times, and she tried to be more F.

Tho reading the part about the logic, irony, and economics is where I'm a different type of INFP all together then the one you mentioned. As from what I've seen there is those of us who are very F in their interests (Art/Writing/Poetry etc), and those like me who are very T in that sense since I prefer math, systems, logic puzzles, mechanical, and technological interests. While like him I'd react well to the more emotional cues, I wouldn't be as uninterested with the the rest. I've been confused with being an INTP quite a few times.

The T/F clashes are there, i.e. F's are more hands on in their affection, while T's are a lot more hands off. I was more thinking of future possibilities and she was more concerned with the here and now. And while I found her always wanting to solve problems, I often found myself trying to defend against what she thought was a problem, but one that didn't actually exist.

For instance I tend to like to curl up with someone in my arms, and with her it was more of a "right mood" for stuff like that, so the days I attempted it and she wasn't in that mood, I'd give her more space. For me it was more or less a way of forcing myself to respect that fact, but whenever I did it she'd start with the whole "Now you're mad at me aren't you?" aspect. After 3yrs I never could convince her as to why I did what I did in that respect.

Theres a lot more involved in why we didn't work out in the end, but we're still really good friends to this day. Though I do a lot more of the listening, and she does a lot more of the "venting". I still consider it to be my best relationship so far, and she helped me "mature" in some aspects. We worked well together in most cases feeding off each other's differences, but there was just never that "Harmony" between us to make it last in a relationship. Emotionally I suffocated her, and she stifled me.

Edit: I'm trying to remember what it was that attracted me to her in the first place, I think it was just how quirky and playful she was at times.

 

[Economica]

Thanks for that post, Ender.

Tho reading the part about the logic, irony, and economics is where I'm a different type of INFP all together then the one you mentioned. As from what I've seen there is those of us who are very F in their interests (Art/Writing/Poetry etc), and those like me who are very T in that sense since I prefer math, systems, logic puzzles, mechanical, and technological interests. While like him I'd react well to the more emotional cues, I wouldn't be as uninterested with the the rest. I've been confused with being an INTP quite a few times.

Yeah, this guy is an artist, so... I'm guessing Johnny Depp wouldn't go at economics either.

The three male INFPs I know (who am I missing? I thought I knew four ) are two sociologists and a Ph.D. student in IT, so we understand each other a bit better, but the sporadic T/F clashes remain.

And while I found her always wanting to solve problems, I often found myself trying to defend against what she thought was a problem, but one that didn't actually exist.

I got this one recently from the Ph.D. student. He's writing his thesis isolated from the company of his peers and to boot, his advisor is an INTJ who doesn't listen. BangHead As he was explaining how frustrated this makes him feel and how he was considering quitting altogether, I started a line of inquiry intended to illuminate his options and suggest the most appropriate course of action for solving what I perceived to be a problem for him. It turned out all he wanted me to do was listen. I'm not wired that way; if I have to listen to negativity, I want to (not necessarily immediately and to the exclusion of empathy, but at some point if it's persistent) analyze its sources and satisfy myself that steps are being taken to remove it. My mother used me as a dumpster for her negativity, so I'm real touchy with people needing to vent. :sad: (And for the record, she's an INTJ like me!)

This seems like it could eventually become exhausting for the T and after the T was unable to keep up the facade...disappointing for the F. Short-term could be fun I suppose.

Heh, I don't think I could (or would) do it for more than 45 minutes.

 

[runvardh]

I never thought I'd say this, but: Too many smileys!

Sorry, but that's really the only way I can explain it.

 

[JAVO]

I never thought I'd say this, but: Too many smileys!

I just found a new signature! :hi:

 

[GZA]

Well... I don't have too much experience to back this up, but the NTJ type doesn't seem to attractive to me, NTP is more attractive personally. NFJ is somewhat attractive, yes, but I'm kind of undecided. I just don't anything I'm looking for right now and my lack of experience means I can find a lot of personalities attractive as long as they arn't irritating and spoiled :steam: However, in the past I've had fairly good chemistry with women who I speculate are ESFJ, ENFJ, and ENTP.

 

[TenebrousReflection]

However, personally I might well be suffering from confirmation bias since I believe that INFPs go well romantically with ENFJs. My question for the male INFPs is therefore: How are you attracted to T and F in general and specifically NTJs vs. NFJs?

Interesting theory. I also can't comment from much experience, but I do have one relationship that comes to mind that might have been with an ENFJ, and recently found a self-typed ENFJ that has captured my attention (gaining hers seems another matter tho).

With the one that I speculate may be an ENFJ, the more memorable things I enjoyed talking about with her were past experiences ("and how does that make you feel?" or "how do you feel about ____?" sort of stuff) and things like "what really matters to you and why?".

In general, I like conversations about feeling and intuition related matters as well as just about anything theoretical and speculative (I could enjoy talking about economics or statistics in a speculative "what if" sort of way or a "what do you think causes ____", but I don't know how long I could do that, and I suspect my poor fluency in the subject matter (since those are not things I have formal training in beyond econ 101) would eventually show and possibly iritate the T.

 

[ferrisbueller]

My question for the male INFPs is therefore: How are you attracted to T and F in general and specifically NTJs vs. NFJs?

Well I'm a borderline ENFP, very close on the E/I, and I'm more attracted to NFJ's. If your theory is true, maybe in terms of who I'm attracted to I behave more like an INFP, because the vast majority of the girls I've been attracted to are NFJ's, and I've never been attracted to an NTJ. I really crave the emotional connection that NFJ's provide.

 

[theshadow]

I believe that INFPs go well romantically with ENFJs.

really? my first response is. well.... NO@!! but. I really am curious why you think that.


edit_______________________________

I realized you were talking about male infp's......

 

[Noel]

Okay, so at a club this weekend I got hit on by a likely INFP. party2 We talked for about 45 minutes and I felt like it was a classic case of what JivinJeffJones once described:



Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be blush which was... more F! As I perceived it, logic, detached irony and my major (economics) all elicited mild disappointment, whereas enthusiastic warmth and soft looks made him more eager.

(I should mention that I told him early on that I was not available. He still wanted to talk, and I wanted to talk to him for a reason I will not divulge here. )

The experience was exactly the reverse of the ones I have with ENFP men and it epitomized for me the dynamic I find I have with INFP men, which is generally good but characterized by sporadic T/F clashes. Two ENTJ female friends and I find that in our relationships (my platonic, their romantic) with INFP men, we've been told we 'listen like men' i.e. wanting to solve problems rather than just patiently empathizing. :redface:

However, personally I might well be suffering from confirmation bias since I believe that INFPs go well romantically with ENFJs. My question for the male INFPs is therefore: How are you attracted to T and F in general and specifically NTJs vs. NFJs?

I'll preface this post with the following: I've been romantically involved with a female ENTJ for nine months and it has been absolutely fantastic.

How am I attracted to T and F in General?

I like Fs in general because they allows me to help establish a connection (in most cases) faster with them. That's not to say that it's a strong one but rather, the time to reach a common ground is significantly increased. In general, I'm very reserved about my F in public places but in private places, I'm quite open about who I am. I feel like I would enjoy a relationship with an F in the short term, but long term issues may arise e.g. conflict of values (I'll expand on this later)

I dislike Fs in general because they can become too bubbly. I feel as if I'm already emotional enough that I don't particularly need your baggage as well. I don't particularly like the image of "if one totally embraces their feelings, they must either be a metrosexual or homosexual" stigma. Certainly, one could easily argue that as quite a logical deduction of most western cultures but in spite of it, I feel that many people try too hard to the point of being ungenuine with their feelings.

Specficially NFJs

*Yawn* From the NFJs I've read online, specifically infjs, most of them are boring. Really boring. I've never been romantically involved with one, but have established a pretty good friendship with one: her being an ENFJ. They're extremely easy to talk to, especially about more sensitive subjects e.g. personal issues. I admire their mentor aura about their demeanor. I don't like how they seem to know they have it together and you don't e.g. growing up way to fast and acting a lot more mature than they really are. Despite the fact that we are both feelers, I find it a lot more difficult to connect with NFJs because I find them to be more serious (in most cases - that's not to say they aren't as silly as I am nor is it not encouraged, but I feel they have other concerns which distance themselves from me (or vice versa)). All in all, I'm attracted but I'm not sure how long my attraction would last.

Specifically NTJs

I've seemed to always have more success with this type in general conversation. I think this is because I can relate to their condition: An F for a T and a T for an F. I'm attracted to seeing the potential of an intj's Fi locked within their own personal dungeon that's waiting to be discovered to those truly worthy. I attracted to seeing an ENTJ lack of tact yet still remain unscathed and respected. I'm not attracted to an NTJ's inclination to remain stubborn (not all, but some). I've never ascribed to the notion that Ts lack emotions. From what I've noticed with my relationship, I feel as if our third positions flip: I seem more INTP and she seems more ENFJ. Overall, I find myself striving for personal balance and it's nice to have a SO who's nearly opposite of you to help you achieve that objective subjective balance.


Conclusion: If your a J, the weaker the better.

To proof read or not to proof read, that is the question. Nah. I've had a couple drinks in me.

 

[badsykes]

I never thought I'd say this, but: Too many smileys!



Please clarify what you are insinuating?

I heard very much about imaturity of infp's..They remain childish especially the males...

 

[SolitaryPenguin]

I heard very much about imaturity of infp's..They remain childish especially the males...

A fact I am very proud of.

/bounces off on a pogo stick

 

[JivinJeffJones]

My question for the male INFPs is therefore: How are you attracted to T and F in general and specifically NTJs vs. NFJs?

I really enjoy talking with female Ts. I find it very intellectually stimulating and usually good fun too. They are far more fun to tease than Fs, and tend to take it better. However, I usually miss T flirtation completely or don't believe that it's genuine. Consequently, I rarely realize that a T girl is interested in me until well after the fact. I find F flirtation much easier to identify and accept as a genuine indication of interest. I suspect that INFPs tend to look for very personal communication as an indication of connection, and don't realize (on an emotional level) that the fun, stimulating conversation they just enjoyed with the T was a form of connection just as valid.

As for NTJ vs NFJ, I don't know any NTJ girls irl. None that I'm aware of, anyway. I only know one ENFJ girl irl, and if I found her at all physically attractive (that sounds terrrible), I would have been insanely in love with her. As it was I was kinda in love with her anyway, and tried to force myself to fall the rest of the way in love with her. It never happened. Actually, I can't think of any confirmed INFJ girls I know irl, either. I think I'd need an EJ or an IP though. A IJ strikes me as being a bit too quiet and serious.

I have to agree with Noel though. The weaker the J the better. Far less stress for both parties.