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  1. #1
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Default Romance question for male INFPs

    Okay, so at a club this weekend I got hit on by a likely INFP. () We talked for about 45 minutes and I felt like it was a classic case of what JivinJeffJones once described:

    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    In my experience, guys tend to see more interesting qualities than may actually be there (personality-wise) with attractive girls. They are far more willing to suspend judgement on the foibles of an attractive girl's personality and far more willing to laud the fortes.
    Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be () which was... more F! As I perceived it, logic, detached irony and my major (economics) all elicited mild disappointment, whereas enthusiastic warmth and soft looks made him more eager.

    (I should mention that I told him early on that I was not available. He still wanted to talk, and I wanted to talk to him for a reason I will not divulge here. )

    The experience was exactly the reverse of the ones I have with ENFP men and it epitomized for me the dynamic I find I have with INFP men, which is generally good but characterized by sporadic T/F clashes. Two ENTJ female friends and I find that in our relationships (my platonic, their romantic) with INFP men, we've been told we 'listen like men' i.e. wanting to solve problems rather than just patiently empathizing. :redface:

    However, personally I might well be suffering from confirmation bias since I believe that INFPs go well romantically with ENFJs. My question for the male INFPs is therefore: How are you attracted to T and F in general and specifically NTJs vs. NFJs?

  2. #2
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be () which was... more F!
    I have done this.... but I was being told I was an INFP! And admired for my phantom F! I was like.. but.. but.. I'm not really as _______ as you are describing me to be.. I don't think you know me that well.. Finally I said enough's enough, I was only acting like an INFP because you so very much wanted me to be one.

  3. #3
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I seem to be most attracted to the expression of Ti in any one the top four slots. Don't know what to say past that other than I try to be good kitty anyway. However, I do find immaturely dominant Fe excessively grating, but that my follow for most immaturity.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  4. #4
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I seem to be most attracted to the expression of Ti in any one the top four slots. Don't know what to say past that other than I try to be good kitty anyway.
    Do you have any experience with NJs? Expound please!

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  6. #6
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Do you have any experience with NJs? Expound please!
    Only NFJs, best I can give you is they're a lot of :SaiyanSmilie_anim: which ends up with me going

    It's hard to be good when that happens but... I try...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Only NFJs, best I can give you is they're a lot of :SaiyanSmilie_anim: which ends up with me going
    I never thought I'd say this, but: Too many smileys!

    Quote Originally Posted by badsykes View Post
    Please clarify what you are insinuating?

  8. #8
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be () which was... more F! As I perceived it, logic, detached irony and my major (economics) all elicited mild disappointment, whereas enthusiastic warmth and soft looks made him more eager.
    This seems like it could eventually become exhausting for the T and after the T was unable to keep up the facade...disappointing for the F. Short-term could be fun I suppose.

    Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones
    In my experience, guys tend to see more interesting qualities than may actually be there (personality-wise) with attractive girls. They are far more willing to suspend judgement on the foibles of an attractive girl's personality and far more willing to laud the fortes.

    Yes, INFP will idealize and put a gloss over a person. I have always (since teen years) been very good at convincing myself that a man is more physically attractive than I might have first thought he was if his internal characteristics match up. Once I am convinced, it sticks and it is a real thing to me, made dearer by the person themselves.

  9. #9
    Large Member Ender's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Uncharacteristically, I found myself moderating my behavior to fit what I sensed he wanted to me to be () which was... more F! As I perceived it, logic, detached irony and my major (economics) all elicited mild disappointment, whereas enthusiastic warmth and soft looks made him more eager.

    The experience was exactly the reverse of the ones I have with ENFP men and it epitomized for me the dynamic I find I have with INFP men, which is generally good but characterized by sporadic T/F clashes. Two ENTJ female friends and I find that in our relationships (my platonic, their romantic) with INFP men, we've been told we 'listen like men' i.e. wanting to solve problems rather than just patiently empathizing. :redface:

    How are you attracted to T and F in general and specifically NTJs vs. NFJs?
    I dated an INTJ for 3years and in some ways it was exactly like you described above.

    The behavior moderation part tho was give and take both ways for me and her. I had to be more T at times, and she tried to be more F.

    Tho reading the part about the logic, irony, and economics is where I'm a different type of INFP all together then the one you mentioned. As from what I've seen there is those of us who are very F in their interests (Art/Writing/Poetry etc), and those like me who are very T in that sense since I prefer math, systems, logic puzzles, mechanical, and technological interests. While like him I'd react well to the more emotional cues, I wouldn't be as uninterested with the the rest. I've been confused with being an INTP quite a few times.

    The T/F clashes are there, i.e. F's are more hands on in their affection, while T's are a lot more hands off. I was more thinking of future possibilities and she was more concerned with the here and now. And while I found her always wanting to solve problems, I often found myself trying to defend against what she thought was a problem, but one that didn't actually exist.

    For instance I tend to like to curl up with someone in my arms, and with her it was more of a "right mood" for stuff like that, so the days I attempted it and she wasn't in that mood, I'd give her more space. For me it was more or less a way of forcing myself to respect that fact, but whenever I did it she'd start with the whole "Now you're mad at me aren't you?" aspect. After 3yrs I never could convince her as to why I did what I did in that respect.

    Theres a lot more involved in why we didn't work out in the end, but we're still really good friends to this day. Though I do a lot more of the listening, and she does a lot more of the "venting". I still consider it to be my best relationship so far, and she helped me "mature" in some aspects. We worked well together in most cases feeding off each other's differences, but there was just never that "Harmony" between us to make it last in a relationship. Emotionally I suffocated her, and she stifled me.

    Edit: I'm trying to remember what it was that attracted me to her in the first place, I think it was just how quirky and playful she was at times.
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  10. #10
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Thanks for that post, Ender.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ender View Post
    Tho reading the part about the logic, irony, and economics is where I'm a different type of INFP all together then the one you mentioned. As from what I've seen there is those of us who are very F in their interests (Art/Writing/Poetry etc), and those like me who are very T in that sense since I prefer math, systems, logic puzzles, mechanical, and technological interests. While like him I'd react well to the more emotional cues, I wouldn't be as uninterested with the the rest. I've been confused with being an INTP quite a few times.
    Yeah, this guy is an artist, so... I'm guessing Johnny Depp wouldn't go at economics either.

    The three male INFPs I know (who am I missing? I thought I knew four ) are two sociologists and a Ph.D. student in IT, so we understand each other a bit better, but the sporadic T/F clashes remain.

    And while I found her always wanting to solve problems, I often found myself trying to defend against what she thought was a problem, but one that didn't actually exist.
    I got this one recently from the Ph.D. student. He's writing his thesis isolated from the company of his peers and to boot, his advisor is an INTJ who doesn't listen. () As he was explaining how frustrated this makes him feel and how he was considering quitting altogether, I started a line of inquiry intended to illuminate his options and suggest the most appropriate course of action for solving what I perceived to be a problem for him. It turned out all he wanted me to do was listen. I'm not wired that way; if I have to listen to negativity, I want to (not necessarily immediately and to the exclusion of empathy, but at some point if it's persistent) analyze its sources and satisfy myself that steps are being taken to remove it. My mother used me as a dumpster for her negativity, so I'm real touchy with people needing to vent. :sad: (And for the record, she's an INTJ like me!)

    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    This seems like it could eventually become exhausting for the T and after the T was unable to keep up the facade...disappointing for the F. Short-term could be fun I suppose.
    Heh, I don't think I could (or would) do it for more than 45 minutes.

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