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  1. #31

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    I didn't mean I am targeting women in their mid 30s, about that age is just what I visualize when thinking of a future. I like that things are mostly together but not close to ending there. It feels like the summer of life.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    I'm surprised that (male) INFPs have trouble finding women. Is it that they just aren't attracted to you or that you never find one you like? I must admit that I spent my teenage years completely oblivious to any female attention simply because I wasn't looking for it (explicitly). I would kind of miss the signals; if a friend suggested that a girl liked me, I would always reply "Who? Her? No way." Having grown up (somewhat) I have to say that there seems to be some sort of intrigue surrounding me that I'm not aware of. I think sometimes girls see me (us? other INFPs?) as a "tough nut to crack" and enjoy the attempt to try and open me up. The joke's on them, though: I'll only open up after a long, long time. At the beginning stages, I'll probably just metaphorically dance about, kind of Romeo & Juliet's complicit extended metaphor but in slightly more contemporary terms:

    Quote Originally Posted by Romeo, Romeo & Juliet, Act I, Scene 5
    If I profane with my unworthiest hand
    This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: 720
    My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
    To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
    In terms of NTJ I would say that the depth/complexity of thought is intriguing. Also, mastery of a "geeky" subject (when teamed with physical good looks!) is oddly alluring. I really like it when girls can explain complex "T" theories to me (physics, engineering, etc.) in an engaging way. I recognise their greater ability in this regard and see it as filling the gaps in my frames of reference. This allows me to deal with the bits I like: the beginning and the end, and not have to think about all that "boring" stuff - the nuts and bolts, if you will. I also see myself reflected in those introverts whose dedication to a subject fills them with a need to express. As before, I see my own reflection (Introverted Feeling), but in a different light (Introverted Thinking).

    I have a male INTJ friend and one of the things that interests both of us are patterns in thought and expression. We seem to compliment each other quite well in our analysis of, say, philosophical texts. However, I can sense that emotional primacy is far from his mind and that he considers emotions to "get in the way" of the more important stuff: namely, the "figuring out" of the system.

    This is where would have to "bridge the gap" of TJness and FPness. Also remember that, to an INFP, not only is the subject of the romance worthy of romanticisation, but also romance itself. Forgetting about plans and at least understanding the "emotion of it all" would be a bonus. Perhaps to express my point better, you should consider the poem below: recognise that the significance of the action overrides...pretty much everything else in life!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Byron, 'Jenny Kiss'd Me'
    JENNY kiss'd me when we met,
    Jumping from the chair she sat in;
    Time, you thief, who love to get
    Sweets into your list, put that in!
    Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
    Say that health and wealth have miss'd me,
    Say I'm growing old, but add,
    Jenny kiss'd me.
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    I'm surprised that (male) INFPs have trouble finding women. Is it that they just aren't attracted to you or that you never find one you like? I must admit that I spent my teenage years completely oblivious to any female attention simply because I wasn't looking for it (explicitly). I would kind of miss the signals; if a friend suggested that a girl liked me, I would always reply "Who? Her? No way." Having grown up (somewhat) I have to say that there seems to be some sort of intrigue surrounding me that I'm not aware of. I think sometimes girls see me (us? other INFPs?) as a "tough nut to crack" and enjoy the attempt to try and open me up.
    Well. I could observe something similar for me too in my school time. It is not that no one was attracted to me, and some girls were apparently interested in me just because of what you say, being basically a "tough nut to crack" and not really looking for anything. There was also this girl with which I had some contact with because I was working in my social practicum at some youth institution (you know, taking kids of poorer social status after school to give them some meal and helping them with their homeworks, and then they can hang around and play there) for three weeks, and hell, she seemed to be infatuated into me after few days already, probably I was the only guy who treated her adequately? But well... back then I was not really "so far" that I would want to engage into a relationship with anyone probably, and I must say while we got along well I wasn't nearly as interested. However, while there was some interest in me by other girls, it never got anywhere with me still, and I never felt sure if they were really interested or just showing normal interest.

    I also fell then later hopelessly in love with a girl, but it apparently was only one-sided love too (or she lost interest in me later, I still don't know if she was interested in me but lost interest later because I didn't show affection to her the first time, or if she just liked me in a more platonic way). I didn't have any real interest in other girls in that time then since I had only eyes for her. But even if so, I don't know if I was able to reach the next stage into getting together with a girl? I really need long time to open up too as you said, and I don't know if any woman could have so much patience and not loose interest in that time?

    Now that my school time is over and I am studying, the problem I have is that I don't get into contact with other people very much anymore, and probably people just don't notice me, and so don't any women. To that comes also that in my major I am studying there is a really low female/male-ratio. I just don't know how I should get to know women if I nearly don't have any contact to them? Even if there was more girls studying it, I still don't see how you should get into contact with people there anyway... I don't have there any friends either.

  4. #34
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    Now that my school time is over and I am studying, the problem I have is that I don't get into contact with other people very much anymore, and probably people just don't notice me, and so don't any women. To that comes also that in my major I am studying there is a really low female/male-ratio. I just don't know how I should get to know women if I nearly don't have any contact to them? Even if there was more girls studying it, I still don't see how you should get into contact with people there anyway... I don't have there any friends either.
    This is off-topic so I'm going to keep it short:

    You need to, as we say in England, "get stuck in". Go out to all social functions; hang out with your mates all the time and don't turn down chances to go out to clubs/music venues/parties. You may not feel like it, but other people are outside, doing things they like to do; that's where you meet them! My advice would be to take up a sport or some sort of social activity. The thing with sports is that if you meet a girl who does the same sport as you, she's probably in good shape, which is a bonus
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  5. #35
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I'm gay so my opinion might not matter much, but I'm definitely into Feelers over Thinkers (I love ESFPs the most. they are just adorable). I usually see too much of myself in Thinking types (which being a dominant Feeler is odd, but I'm an unusually rational and mature INFP). I suppose I have a sort of maturnal instinct that Thinkers just don't take to kindly too, but feelers eat it all up and want someone to comfort them and show them lots of affection. the exception was one INTJ guy I knew in high school who was constantly saying subtle sexual inuendos that no one else got and had an air of "reserved playfulness" that I found amusing and incredibly seductive. He kept his distance, but he was also somehow warm, gentle and kind. He was probably an SX/SP and seemed like the type that would as open and affectionate as the mushiest F once he really trusted you.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    You know, if you are adapting yourself to what this guy wants, then it is your issue, not his. Any personality is going to show positive or negative reactions to things they like or don't like. It is your strength of character if you continue to be who you are and not to bow to the opinions of others. I find this very hard, as I am a chameleon, too, so I know it's not easy, but it is not the fault of the other person. It is our fault if we let someone's opinion of us change us.

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