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Thread: It's Strange...

  1. #1
    Glycerine
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    Default It's Strange...

    I have supposedly met at least 5 ENFJs irl, 3 or 4 ESFJ and several EXFJs but I don't really relate to them. I know that I have strong Fe but in some ways, they just seem so foreign to me.

  2. #2
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Not strange to me. I can always make specific connections between myself and other ENFJs (dont know what ESFJs i've met), but we don't resonate with one another in other ways. It's usually in their depth/quantity of caring and the action they take through their Fe.
    Can you specify where you don't relate? Got me all curious.
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  3. #3
    Glycerine
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    I was thinking about how Fe is objective and cares about the collective norms but each Fe-dom is going to pick the ones that they personally value the most and emphasize those. There have been times where I have heard Fe doms say "Oh that's so rude" and I am just like "huh?" or "oh, shit, I was supposed to care about that."

  4. #4
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Maybe you're just so much cooler than the other EXFJs (because you help people figure out their careers ), they just dont know what to do with you.

  5. #5
    Glycerine
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    hahaha, thanks...

  6. #6
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I make specific connections, like Unkind mentioned. I find ENFJs to be one of the more slippery types for "relating", for some reason. I know what you're talking about though.
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  7. #7
    Glycerine
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    haha yeah, I agree with the "specific connections" but everything seems very hit or miss. Do you relate at all to what I said in my second post... one of many crackpot hypotheses?
    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I was thinking about how Fe is objective and cares about the collective norms but each Fe-dom is going to pick the ones that they personally value the most and emphasize those. There have been times where I have heard Fe doms say "Oh that's so rude" and I am just like "huh?" or "oh, shit, I was supposed to care about that."

  8. #8
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I don't care about everything either, and asking me to will only make me angry. I feel my emotions engage without my permission, and that I cannot control, BUT there are times when I simply do NOT care and there's no way to make me care. I often took this to be my battered past and strung-out emotions telling on me, but no, there's more to it. I simply don't have to care about everything nor *will* I care about everything. The word "will" implies extertion - I find that sometimes I must exert myself (my will) to care or not care. My Se, stronger now than it was when I was a kid or even a teenager, was what I drew from to tell me what was happening around me, and sometimes I miss cues and am inadvertantly rude.

    How do you think this theory of yours applies to your enneagram type? Perhaps 5s aren't the classic "bleeding heart"?

    Are you wrung out? Is there anything taxing your nerves?
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  9. #9
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I was thinking about how Fe is objective and cares about the collective norms but each Fe-dom is going to pick the ones that they personally value the most and emphasize those. There have been times where I have heard Fe doms say "Oh that's so rude" and I am just like "huh?" or "oh, shit, I was supposed to care about that."
    (The see-what-your-friends-are-posting link led me here Sorry to be rude and poke my nosy enfp head in...)

    The few enfjs I have met in real life feel kinda slippery to me. It wasnt till I read protean describe how she analyzes people that I realized that maybe it is because an enfp and enfj both reach out to people but we are using such different tools that we kinda stumble past each other and are left with these tendrils of wispy stuff and going "hmm, wonder just what happened there...."

    FeSi sort of makes sense for me as I guess it would be pretty specific rules that the ESFJ learned by watching and interacting with other people at a young age. And I guess if an ESFJ from japan was dropped into america, they might freak out for a bit as the Si rules they knew didnt match anymore. So maybe that might contribute a little bit to how you describe each Fe dom picking their own Fe values-perhaps culturally influenced...even influenced some by family or local town and expectations?

    But as FeNi, well I dunno, that seems like it would be Ni-ishly seeking something more universal, some version of singularly defined Fe that transcends the concrete Si bonds, more abstract notions of social mores which could be more universally applied to humanity..... thus maybe enfjs can be much more flexible about what they choose to embrace....

    (exits before protean kicks my butt out of the enfj thread lalalalala.....*skips away* )

  10. #10
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Why would I kick you out?

    I don't think I like that.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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