FJs want to be their own person. But let's face it, you have to start from somewhere. So here is how I think young and immature Fe puts too much emphasis on other people (especially secondary Fe).
Always doing what the other person wants. We figure out what the other person wants first. Then, we usually go along with it, assuming the other person would be most happy doing what they said they want to do.
Among two Fe-users, this can cause nothing to get done. Take me and my INFJ friend. When we are deciding what to do, it goes like this: "What do you want to do?" "What do YOU want to do?" "I don't care what we do. It's up to you." "No really, it's up to YOU." Either we randomly switch between activities, not really knowing what we ourselves want to do. Or, one of us actually does have an opinion and says: "Fuck it. I want this." without acknowledging what the other person wants at all. And, both of us being people pleasers, the other person submissively goes along with it.
Among a Fe-user and non-Fe-user, this can cause the non-Fe-user to always get their needs met, while the Fe-user never gets their needs met. So, the we become resentful. Fed up, eventually we outwardly express our anger to you. Then you wonder why we are so pissy, because you know that if we had just said what we wanted, we wouldn't get resentful.
Not reacting until someone else reacts, then matching their reaction. We don't know how to act around you or what to think about you until you react first. That way, we can be most pleasing to you. Or, if you react negatively, then we assume it would be most logical to you if we were negative back. Until you react to us, this can make you think we're indifferent and uncaring about you. It also prevents you from knowing what we truly think of you. If we can seperate ourselves from you enough to even have our own opinion about you.
Communicating with you based on what we think you want to hear. We try to match your communication style so that you can think we're just like you and you'll like us. As said earlier, if you communicate to us first, then we can easily mirror how you communicate. If the circumstances change between us, and we haven't communicated since then, we freak out. Since we have no example or guide, us NFJs can get some pretty weird theories from our Ni of how we think you'll react. Then, every time you react, we automatically adjust our communication style again to match your own. To you, this switching in tone and wording can make us seem oddly scattered, rapidly bipolar, or passively opinionless. It makes it difficult for you to know what we really think, and as said earlier, if we can seperate ourselves from you enough to even have our own communication style.
In conclusion, what a Fe user thinks and does is all based on other people, and changes in a Fe user's behavior and thoughts is based on other people's reactions, making it difficult for an immature Fe user to have their own opinions and identity.
So, what do you think? Relate? Don't relate? Has to do with Fe? Doesn't have to do with Fe? Any differences between the four FJ types about this? Anything else to add?