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  1. #41
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    I'm the same about needing someone to bounce thoughts off of. I have a few people that I go to to talk things out. As you say, they in turn give me advice or thoughts from their perspective that I may not have thought of. I sift through what others tell me and see what rings true for me. I'm always hesitant to rely just on my own intution or thoughts about something because I feel that, being just one person with a limited view, that I may have missed something. I then ruminate about what they've said and after a time, come to feel what's right or a path to take. For some, I may appear to be a ship drifting with the wind, but in actuality, I'm listening and assessing.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    However, considering how much of the other stuff in this thread I strongly relate to, you gotta wonder if I'm not really some sort of FJ type. Really, would most INTPs relate to so much of this stuff to the degree that I do?
    This is the part where INTPs say yes/no/maybe so, and whether they relate wholeheartedly or if there are key differences that seperate INTPs from INFJs.

  3. #43
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    I think I was on the receiving end of some overaccomodating Fe. It was not something I liked; I felt put on the spot. Here's what happened (she meant so well, guys): my friend was waiting for her bus and doing a Sudoku. I sat down with her to chat, since I hadn't seen her in awhile (see -- I'm justifying interrupting... that's probably some overacting Fe right there). Worried I was taking her away from her Sudoku, I joined her in doing it. It was fun. We were sitting side-by-side working on it together. She put the pen in my hand and pushed the whole paper over so that it was easiest for me to see, and she had to crane her neck to see it. I noticed this immediately and moved it back. We worked on it while we were on the bus, but she left it with me even though it was supposed to be timepass for a 1 hour train ride... she did have another...

    To some of you, this may sound like overanalyzing very small things that occurred -- but I think the fact is that some of us notice these tiny, tiny cues and they mean a lot to us. For example, my heart melted last year when a woman noticed I had no lunch, no way of getting a lunch, and quietly figured out one for me. She did NOT have to do that.

    What do you all think of this situation? Over-active Fe both trying to please each other? My friend is reserved...! But if you even so much as offer to do something kind for her, she'll get REALLY happy.

  4. #44
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I understand how to have the feeling to help other people's needs before mine or thinking having my own needs as 'selfish.' Thing is, I don't use Fe that way. For me, Fe is the tool to be friends with a lot of people, or to get people that are being a bother to go away without making an enemy. My own needs and other people's needs are at a similar level, but I am independant and want to fix the problem myself. When I find out that I cannot at all fix it myself, then I have no choice but to go to another person for help. I'm not very good at it.

    I try to never me a true enemy to anyone, responding to how they act rather than who they are. There are doorslams to those who attack me or those close to me personally. I befriend the outcasts- most of them are never friends outside of school. I'm not THAT trusting.

    My center is whenever I can escape reality or lean on my faith. Videogames, books, nature, and prayer help me feel balanced. Reality is always the thing that forces me to do things I don't eant to do or have the motivation to do. I've always been the stubborn independent type, even as a toddler according to my parents. As I grow out of home, it is hard to get used to all the errands and work a person has to do just to live. The worst part is a separation from many of the things I use to keep straight.
    Last edited by Skyward; 12-08-2010 at 02:20 PM. Reason: Added something that was actually on-topic
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post
    What do you all think of this situation? Over-active Fe both trying to please each other? My friend is reserved...! But if you even so much as offer to do something kind for her, she'll get REALLY happy.
    Sounds like over-active Fe. It can be awkward between the two Fe-users. But to an observer, like me reading it, it sounds hilarious. You take it...no you...no you...NO YOU

  6. #46
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Can I ask you something Fe users? Why would you try to connect to somebody you don't like on a deep or hidden level? Do you choose to connect? Or is there something in you that compels you to?
    Hot-hearted head

  7. #47
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Random Ness View Post
    Sounds like over-active Fe. It can be awkward between the two Fe-users. But to an observer, like me reading it, it sounds hilarious. You take it...no you...no you...NO YOU
    Okay - I need to say something here. Have you ever seen two Asians (like Asia-born Asians) interacting with each other? You will see this ALL THE TIME. "You first, no you first. No really, you first." We even have a saying in my language "Say 'you first' too many times and the bus is gonna leave!". I wonder if cultural conditioning or being female (both of us in this situation were Asian and female, come to think of it... hm, freaky) contribute to this. In addition to being NF which we both probably are... I mean, who else does low-paying, helping professions?

    Okay - all of these factors sound like I am doomed to hyper-active Fe forever Oh well. If EVERYONE had hyper-active Fe and was confident in themselves enough to balance their Fe with their needs, everyone in the world would be taken care of.

    At the end of the day, I like who I am and that I notice/care (even if it's uncool to care according to much of pop-culture). I will change in order to take better care of myself (that's a more effective way to take care of others anyway), learn to create better boundaries and be more honest about crap coming my way, but that's about it. The Fe will stay intact.

  8. #48
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    Why would you try to connect to somebody you don't like on a deep or hidden level?

    Because even if I don't approve of them, I still acknowledge they are a human being with feelings and wish that they would become better/more mature/nicer/whatever caused me to dislike them. Also, if I don't like them but want to connect, then I probably want to understand them better so that I might learn to tolerate them.

    Do you choose to connect?

    If the other person starts talking about deeper stuff, then I do. If the other person only talks about shallow stuff, then I do. Connection happens if the other person initiates it.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post
    Okay - all of these factors sound like I am doomed to hyper-active Fe forever
    No you're not! Maybe under times of high stress. But you can achieve balance!

    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post
    At will change in order to take better care of myself (that's a more effective way to take care of others anyway), learn to create better boundaries and be more honest about crap coming my way.
    Last edited by Random Ness; 12-12-2010 at 05:16 PM.

  10. #50
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuchIrony View Post
    Really, would most INTPs relate to so much of this stuff to the degree that I do?
    I think I can say with a fairly high degree of confidence that most won't even be interested in this thread.
    If the others around me aren't enjoying themselves, I'm not going to enjoy myself much either. If I invite others along to do something with me, I want to make sure that they are receptive to it and they will likely enjoy it. If I sense that I have to drag them into it, I'd rather just go by myself and not at all. Because if I have to drag someone into it, then I'll constantly be concerned about their reactions and feelings which prevents me from truly enjoying the activity.
    All but the narcissistic feel this way.

    I also agree with Fidelia when she says that she may even question her own taste and judgement in liking it. I often feel that way. It doesn't even have to be with someone close, although if someone is closer to me, it affects me more strongly because I'm likely to respect their opinions more. I'll feel that way for example when just discussing movies, for example with acquaintances. I mention some movie I saw that was totally awesome and someone else trashes it. I then wonder if my opinion of the movie was really well justified. Especially if the majority hold the opposite opinion, I may conclude that I must have lousy taste and others are perceiving things in the movie I'm not and I must be stupid for not seeing the bad acting or holes in the plotline or whatever. Its why I hardly ever talk movies with anyone anymore. You never know how someone's gonna respond. I wish I could just talk about what I like more freely and not worry so much about dissenting opinions. I also wish I could hold more firmly to my opinions on some things and not be so amenable to outside influence.
    Cannot relate. And I do not think this is INTP-typical. One of our distinguishing features is how little we are influenced by the opinions of others. Usually the endorsement of others is a reason for me to avoid something - I genuinely dislike the times when my tastes and those of the general public are in agreement - mostly because I think the tastes of the general public are pretty crass and vulgar, and I don't like to think that about myself (whether it's true or not).

    I have a very hard time convincing someone to do something they are initially lukewarm about it.
    I have little interest in convincing anyone to do anything. I see that as respecting their autonomy. Where I differ is that I'm also immensely stubborn and resistant to the persuasive attempts of others - the harder someone tries, the more likely they are to fail completely - which again, is pretty characteristic of INTPs, I'd have said. We are frustratingly inpenetrable.

    Harmony is very important to me and I am made more uneasy by disharmony than most people I know.
    I don't care about harmony other than in v. close relationships.

    I'm also very sensitive about whether or not I'm being perceived as unwanted company and I'm very careful not to impose on others too much.
    Yes. In my case, part of that is respecting the other person's space, and part is about a hatred of obligation.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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