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  1. #1
    Member Serenes's Avatar
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    Red face Understanding NF friends (Questions)

    Well I been posting these friendship questions on the other boards like the NT/SJ section.. and I really enjoyed reading the responses! So I've decided to post here for others who are interested in understanding their NF friends too

    Any NFs feel free to answer any of the questions you would like to share to help others understand us better!

    Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?

    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

    What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

    How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

    If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

    Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?

    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

    How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?

    What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?


    Thank you!
    "You may be one person to the world, but to one person you may be the world."

  2. #2
    Member Serenes's Avatar
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    Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?

    Yes, when I decide that I want to befriend someone.. I start to take the initiative as in being the first to approach and talk to them every chance I get. That is not my usual behavior as I am very passive/shy but if I really see the potential for a good friendship, I push myself to get to know them. With someone who seems more introverted than myself, I start to take on the extroverted role to keep the conversation going and being friendly. (so people tend to think I'm an extrovert at first - but in reality, I'm only talkative to people I feel comfortable with and Want to get to know more)

    I do not invite people out often since I am very careful about being bothersome and an annoyance and I don't like putting people in a position to decline (it may make them feel bad and me too). However if I sense the person is hinting to me or gives me a vibe that they want to be in my company more than I may be more willing to ask if they want to go out and do something together. But I think I usually wait until they ask me first.

    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)


    I am usually Always nice and friendly. I do tend to compliment my friends often, so sometimes I think they may not take me seriously and that would be sad.. But I DO mean what I say. Because if I didn't I wouldn't have complimented in the first place but kept quiet about it. I just like to make my friends feel good, so when I'm thinking good things about them I often just say it out loud.

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

    Honestly, I don't think I'd ever confront them about it.. I don't like making others feel bad if it's not necessary. I would just try to avoid them and not talk as much, hoping they would get the hint. I would talk very little and give one word answers. But in general, avoiiiiddd -hides- they eventually get it so I've never had to resort to the aggressive route.

    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

    Sometimes, it depends if I'm comfortable with that certain friend. I'm somewhat selective of what I share though as it depends on the person I'm with. If I don't think they would take my ideas positively then I might be hesitant and change the subject or say 'I don't know'. With someone I feel like I can really trust and won't judge me negatively if I share, I'd be Very open.

    Actually, if I Wanted to get closer to that friend, I would be happy if they asked me personal questions because it shows me that they want to know more about me. So I'm happy when friends genuinely ask me about myself, if I like them, I will share what's going on in my life and such. I'd only get annoyed if they stumbled on a sensitive topic and kept trying to pry when I didn't share much about it in the first place. I usually give one word or vague answers and change the subject right away if I'm feeling uncomfortable about certain topics.

    But I do notice that I tend not to share personal information about my life much (I'm also very private).. even though I can be very open about my thoughts on ideas instead. I'm more interested in knowing more about other people than sharing about myself. I like to share about myself on my own terms instead of feeling like I'm being interrogated or interviewed. But I will try to answer if a friend really cared to know.

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?

    I've been told by certain friends that.. I trust too easily. I think maybe I do. I'm not sure how to explain but... sometimes I can just Tell if someone is a good person or not by the vibe they give off around me (sensing their genuineness and such). Plus from my constant observing, I kinda just know if I'll be safe with them or not even if I've known them for a short while. So I don't really have a set time on how long it takes for me to trust someone. Within a month or so I think I could feel close to someone if I sensed they were a really good friend somehow and I'd trust them with certain things that I know they could handle. -shrugs- Kinda weird that I trust people easily but it takes longer for me to really view someone as a 'close friend'. I view most as just friends/acquaintances that I enjoy.

    To gain my trust.. you just have to be genuine and a good person.

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

    Depends on each person. I find extroverts to be easiest to open up to though because they tend to verbalize more of their thoughts and such so I have a better understanding of where I stand with them and how they view me in a short time. Introverts take a bit of warming up and time at first but when they start opening up to me and talk more, it makes me feel more comfortable too.

    I find that I gravitate towards people I view as accepting, genuine, nice, friendly and warm. People who seem opposite like domineering, unfriendly, arrogant, forceful, mean and cold are intimidating to me.

    What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

    What I enjoy: Sharing deep, personal thoughts. Able to be random and talk about anything. Laughter! Support, helping you feel like you're not alone and doing the same for them. Having fun.
    Qualities I like: Friendliness, Openness, Caring&Kind Nature, Accepting, tend to not be judgmental, Able to share feelings, Helpful, Humor(I love laughing!). Anyone with those qualities, I would like to be friends with.

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

    Being mean for no good reason, Selfishness, Liars, Hypocrisy, breaking the laws and such, breaking promises, manipulation, never having thoughts about anything(boring)

    deal-breakers: maybe if they constantly treat me bad or talk down on me... If I felt they were too much of a negative influence on me. Revealing very personal secrets.

    How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?
    If I'm having a good time, it's easy to tell because I completely light up, act all cheery & bouncy. I will start to joke and laugh a lot and always smiling. I will talk a lot.
    If I'm having a bad time, I may look bored, not talk much and fidget a lot out of nervousness, stare off into the distance instead of focusing on the event/person.

    If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?
    I love different viewpoints. I actually like you more if you have your own ideas and can support them well. I'd respect a friend if we agreed to disagree and still be okay with it. That's what makes it interesting!
    The only thing that would change is that I might not talk about certain things with that friend anymore because they might not like what I have to say since I already know what they don't agree with. I don't really like making the atmosphere hostile.

    Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?

    Sometimes I do things out of obligation.. like I went to a friends birthday party even though I worried about what to expect socially. I forced myself because I Wanted to be a good friend. But in a way I still did it because I wanted to be a good friend... so I usually, if I like you enough, I do things because I want to.

    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?
    Not really.. I try to accept people as they are. I know if I expect things out of friends all the time, I will end up disappointed. The only thing is what I said above (I may start to dislike a friend if they suddenly did things I did not think well of like.. hurting people, lying all the time, etc.) then I may drop the friendship because it's negative.

    What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?
    Genuinely give me compliments, doing thoughtful things like gifts even if I don't ask for it, remembering details about me or things I've shared, sharing/discussing deep and personal stuff, helping me when I need it, spending time alone with me and still able to have a good time, accept me.

    crud that was long.. hope that helps though!
    Last edited by Serenes; 11-27-2010 at 02:28 PM.
    "You may be one person to the world, but to one person you may be the world."

  3. #3
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?

    Hm, I don't know if I actively befriend someone. I think it is more something which would develop naturally to me. But if I feel sympathy to the person, then obviously we could spend more time together for the next time. I usually don't invite others (anymore) but wait for the other person to ask instead, because first people made out of me a little bit paranoid guy in that regard (I need time to trust someone and feel comfortable enough to make such steps), and second I am usually not the guy who can organize some activities, because I either don't know what I could ask the other person to do or if we want to make something with more than two people, I wouldn't know whom to invite too

    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

    Well, usually I am being friendly to people. I will not always say what I really think when it is people which I don't trust really yet. With people who I trust more, I will be a bit more open in that regard, but I don't say everything I think, because apparently there is things you just don't say to people... like talking about own problems. Or you will not see them again the next time.

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

    Depends on how much they annoy me. If I don't want to be with them, I will try to go away, and people never stalk me that much that I could talk about much experience here.

    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

    I don't share my most personal thoughts. Well, sometimes I feel threatened if people keep asking me out, so sometimes I will just talk myself out of it, because I feel when answering honestly it won't earn me more understanding but rather more distance.

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?

    I don't trust them easily. Which I blame to the fact that all my "friends" showed me quite clearly that it leads only to shit. Well, how do they gain my trust... well, it takes time at least. I have to feel comfortable around them, and feel that they are not too judging. That they can accept my quirks and my sometimes unusual behaviour. I know I became very demanding in that area in the last years... I had much issues with those things in the past. I try to give people more the favour of the moment now, but I don't always succeed.

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

    It takes some time. And even then I won't open up about just everything. It develops slowly. I open up to people easier which are not judging me negatively constantly, who can give me the feel that they can accept me somehow how I am, which TRY to understand me at least and show honest interest, or which just have their same issues in that regard so they can relate somewhat

    What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

    Well, you can have much fun with friends. They can really improve life quality. Some things which make the life worthful and amazing just can happen with friends and not alone, some stories you will remember all your life time.

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

    Friends are not there to help you, from my life experience. When you are in trouble, you have no one to rely on besides your family. Every time I have to realize that again, I notice how I have more and more trouble calling people actually my friends, because in my own little idealist world friends should be there to help each other even in bad times. I try to live up to that ideal myself, but people don't consult me usually with their problems for some reason. But maybe because I seemed to have friends which seem to be not that open about their problems either always.

    How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

    When I am having a good time, I have fun and can laugh about things, sometimes show my silly side which I have too I try to be more active in interaction. If I am having a bad time, I become very calm and don't talk much. I don't complain usually, but I think people notice still that I am not having too much fun.

    If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

    I don't know. I am not very judging usually. I can accept if people are not thinking as me all the time. It gets a problem if it doesn't happen in the other way around. When I know I cannot speak openly about things, there will be every time it happens more and more distance between us.

    Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?

    An obligation that I feel is loyalty, and helping friends if I can and they really need my help. When I make a commitment and notice I got a better offer short after, I won't leave my friend alone for it easily. Maybe because my friends have disappointed me in that regard often, I feel the need to make it better. Other than that, I don't feel much obligations (at least none which I could think of spontaneously), I do what I want to do.

    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

    My expectations for being somewhat-friends (that is, we may talk together and do something sometimes) are not very high anymore because of negative experiences that no one could live up to that even nearly. For being called a true friend, I am rather demanding, and actually I wouldn't call anyone a real friend in my life so far when looking back at the past (although in that time I would have thought differently before); basically those things which I mentioned in the questions above already are my expectations for being a real friend. I can really forgive people if they don't constantly live up to that standards, hell, even if they don't fullfill some of those things at all, but I can not call someone a real friend if it gets too much. And it became with every friend too much so far, at least because they seem to take me for granted and let me drop if I am not useful anymore (because they have someone who they consider more fun to be with right now, or because I am having my issues and not all-happy without really being whiny) it seems.

    How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?

    I don't know, it just happens somehow naturally.

    What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?

    I don't know if there is some formula...

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenes View Post
    [B]Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?
    If I really want to know someone better I will stalk them. However, in day to day life I find that I most often make friends by other people intiating and getting into my life, and I either accept or decline. There are a few people though, that if I take significant enough interest, I will pursue them.

    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)
    I constantly say things out of politeness because I don't want to hurt people's feelings, and also because I prefer peace. I don't see any need to take my selfish moods out on others, or to cause unnecessary strife.

    However, if I feel strongly about something I can be quite mean. That's not common though, not in real life. IRL that's pretty rare, unless I'm extremely tired or stressed out.

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?
    I usually placate people or give them what they want (nine times out of ten) or get away as politely as possible. If they're really bothering me I'll be forced to be abrupt, and if it's really bad, I will be like "look, give me space."

    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?
    Depends on the person. I can be very, very open. I can even be too open at times. I can also feel very private at times, especially with some people, and tell them to stop asking so many questions.

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?
    Depends on the person. I usually go by intuition. I'm more trusting than some people, but less trusting than others.

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?
    UGH I don't open up and feel comfortable around people easily even if I like them. Especially if I like them I'm more afraid of messing up.

    I'm sorry, I don't want to answer the rest of your questions, because I don't think I can answer them systematically. All of those things are too situation-specific for me to give a generalized answer, if that tells you anything.

  5. #5
    Member Serenes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

    Well, usually I am being friendly to people. I will not always say what I really think when it is people which I don't trust really yet. With people who I trust more, I will be a bit more open in that regard, but I don't say everything I think, because apparently there is things you just don't say to people... like talking about own problems. Or you will not see them again the next time.

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

    Friends are not there to help you, from my life experience. When you are in trouble, you have no one to rely on besides your family. Every time I have to realize that again, I notice how I have more and more trouble calling people actually my friends, because in my own little idealist world friends should be there to help each other even in bad times. I try to live up to that ideal myself, but people don't consult me usually with their problems for some reason. But maybe because I seemed to have friends which seem to be not that open about their problems either always.
    I also hold back a lot because of being afraid of scaring friends off with my problems & emo-ness lol. So I always try to act happy and pretend I'm fine even if I may not be. I feel bad if I destroy the mood because of sharing my problems and it may make them worry about me or think badly of me. When I catch myself getting moody sometimes, I rebound back right away to my cheery self because I don't want my friends having a crappy time with me. It can be kind of a bind because.... if I never share about my problems, they might not ever feel comfy sharing theirs with me and our friendship just stays on the superficial level. But when friends share problems, I am happy to help and sympathize with them. So I end up being there for others, but when I have troubles I usually find myself alone...

    Did you specifically ask them for help? I notice that one of my friend doesn't seem bothered at all to constantly ask for help, and that's why I end up helping. Then I wonder to myself, how come I never really had friends that helped me like that?? But that's probably because I don't ask for help that often like he does so no one really knows what's going on with me to help even if they wanted to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

    My expectations for being somewhat-friends (that is, we may talk together and do something sometimes) are not very high anymore because of negative experiences that no one could live up to that even nearly. For being called a true friend, I am rather demanding, and actually I wouldn't call anyone a real friend in my life so far when looking back at the past (although in that time I would have thought differently before); basically those things which I mentioned in the questions above already are my expectations for being a real friend. I can really forgive people if they don't constantly live up to that standards, hell, even if they don't fullfill some of those things at all, but I can not call someone a real friend if it gets too much. And it became with every friend too much so far, at least because they seem to take me for granted and let me drop if I am not useful anymore (because they have someone who they consider more fun to be with right now, or because I am having my issues and not all-happy without really being whiny) it seems.
    I can relate.. I think that's why my expectations of friends are very low now. I don't really expect them to do anything for me. If they do nice things for me and be there for me when I need it, that'll make me happy and I'll appreciate them more. But if they don't, then that's fine, they have their own life and problems to deal with. But I'll do what I can because I enjoy making them happy and just being a friend. Maybe one day, we will move on and stop keeping in touch or make new friends, but I want the time we spend right now to be good & fun. The only time I may get fed up with friends if they were negatively affecting me somehow, like being selfish at my expense, hogging all my time (need time for myself too!) That's how I approach friendship in general... as for a 'close/real' friend, I don't think I have any at the moment.

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I'm sorry, I don't want to answer the rest of your questions, because I don't think I can answer them systematically. All of those things are too situation-specific for me to give a generalized answer, if that tells you anything.
    It's okay! You can answer any question in w/e way you want, and yeah there are a lot of questions so I'm not forcing anyone to answer All lol.

    Thanks for the responses, I could relate to most of what was said.
    "You may be one person to the world, but to one person you may be the world."

  6. #6
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    Did you specifically ask them for help? I notice that one of my friend doesn't seem bothered at all to constantly ask for help, and that's why I end up helping. Then I wonder to myself, how come I never really had friends that helped me like that?? But that's probably because I don't ask for help that often like he does so no one really knows what's going on with me to help even if they wanted to.
    Actually I did not. I guess I would have inhibitions to ask someone for such kind of help anyway, but with the friends I had I know they wouldn't be of help anyway.

    I can relate to the "no one really knows what's going on with me" most of the time. Rarely I spoke about current issues, but obviously no one would have come to the idea to even offer help.

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    Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?


    I like marm's answer -

    If I really want to know someone better I will stalk them. However, in day to day life I find that I most often make friends by other people intiating and getting into my life, and I either accept or decline. There are a few people though, that if I take significant enough interest, I will pursue them.
    I'm glad I'm not the only one who stalks once in a while

    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)

    I don't give compliments that I don't mean, but I think there's something nice that can be said to everyone.

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

    Depends on who they are and why I'm annoyed. If it's my fault (sick, tired, etc) I'll suck it up and/or explain and apologize. If I think they're being an asshole, I'll tell them.

    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

    Yeah, I share personal thoughts all the time. I don't usually feel threatened by personal questions. I feel like the other person is genuinely interested in me.

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?

    I trust superficially very quickly but deep trust takes a very long time. For my deep trust - show consistency, understanding, and caring.

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?

    A few minutes, given the right person. I generally gravitate towards intellectually-oriented people and outgoing (not necessarily socially) people.

    What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?

    Good sense of humor, compassion, stability, willingness to do crazy things with me.

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?

    Genocide? I dunno, I'm pretty tolerant. Though close friendships I'm very picky about.

    How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

    Good time – bouncy, enthusiastic, bubbly, encouraging, attentive. Bad time – quiet and pouty.

    If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?

    Yeah. I disagree with a good friend of mine strongly on religion. It's occasionally a source of tension but has not been the biggest source of conflict. It probably is what stops us from being very close, though.

    Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?

    Not really. I do it because I want to. I don't feel beholden to anyone. I usually end up putting in as much as, if not more than, the other person, though.

    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

    I hope that they'll be willing to do as much as I'm willing to if push comes to shove. If they're not, we won't become close.

    How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?

    Usually because I'm stuck in similar circumstances with someone. I'm good friends with my best friend from high school because we had 7 classes together. We were probably best friends from the first month on. I'm friends with my current best friend because we lived near one another in college. I actually disliked her at first! I think it took us 2 years before we could really be called best friends.

    That all said, I'm still very good friends with my college friend. My high school friend doesn't really talk to me despite me initiating conversations fairly often. She has not initiated anything with me in about a year. She bailed out of getting together with me recently and I admitted to her that I wasn't sure she really wanted to see me. She said she felt the same thing about me! I still want to be friends with her, but I'm very annoyed about that. Apparently her fulltime job makes it far too difficult for her to say hi on facebook every couple of months.

    What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?

    Close and consistent contact, and warmth.

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    Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?
    Yes, I want to befriend people, but feel awkward about it. I'm admittedly very bad a initiating, but I respond positively to invites & say stuff like, "Let's hang out again soon" which is sincere from me, not just a line.

    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)
    No, not at all. I verbalize compliments less than I think them actually. I admit I can be creative about keeping "feedback" positive if constructive criticism is not appropriate (ie. ugly babies - "precious!").

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?

    I might & I have...it just depends on the level of annoyance & if it is a real problem or one that would be solved by spending less time together or exercising more patience. I would avoid someone who kept trying to talk to me & would cut it short when they cornered me, & be a bit cool in demeanor. Generally, people catch the hint.

    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

    No, IRL, I don't share often because I avoid talking about myself; but I would not be annoyed or threatened if someone asked me personal questions. If they were too personal, then I'd let the person know. If I felt interrogated, then I might try and steer the conversation to focus on the other person a bit. In person, I can be a bit guarded and vague...

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?
    No. I don't necessarily mistrust them either. Generally, people get a generous level of the benefit of the doubt, and then it takes a lot of time & willingness on their part to be vulnerable themselves & to listen sincerely if I do attempt to express something vulnerable about myself. Then I may let my guard down a bit. Sort of test the water...

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?
    It really depends on how often I see the person & the nature of our contact (is it personal at all or in a group all the time?). Usually a year of semi-regular, personal contact is minimum though. I gravitate towards people who seem interesting, smart, warm, kind, and open to others themselves. People willing to dig beneath the surface a bit, explore new ideas & "things". People who are not too easily offended, but who are still principled.

    What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?
    I enjoy different things about different friends. My female friendships tend to be based on emotional connections, as well as humor and fun activities. Conversation is more personal than talking about interests. My male friendships tend to be based on common interests and more exploratory conversation, although it can be personal at times too. Right now, most of my friendships are more casual/shallow than I prefer.

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?
    I've gotten tired of friends who are emotional leeches, only talk about themselves, only call you when they're down to vent & get advice, show no interest in your life, etc. Also friends who aren't really friends, but insult you to others or even backhandedly to your face. Friends who forget about you until they need an extra body at their party (making you the "last resort" or "after thought"). Friends who are drama-magnets.... That's all I can think of atm.

    How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?

    If I'm having fun, then I may smile/laugh more than usual, and I may stay longer than usual (that can be an energy thing though). If I am having a bad time, then I am probably trying to shrink into a corner to not be noticed, escape asap, or retreat into my head until I can escape. I basically become extra withdrawn. However, not having a good time is not to be confused with a bad time; it can be sheer moodiness/lack of energy. Sometimes I am just conserving energy and will seem neutral & reserved due to that.

    If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?
    No; I'd probably know their view to begin with. It's rare that I am surprised by someone's belief when I've been associating with them. I'd probably avoid the topic though.

    Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?
    No. If I do anything it is because I want to. The closest thing that may come to an obligated feeling is giving gas money or paying parking if we go out & I don't drive. However, I want to do this because I think it is considerate.

    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?
    I expect loyalty, effort to maintain some contact & respond to my attempts, & general kind treatment & mutual interest in one another. If they don't fulfill these, then we usually grow apart. I'm not usually one to axe a relationship directly.

    How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?
    Friends usually choose me. I've met many through my family's friends & mutual friends. In college, I met some people I was friends with for a bit (grew apart from many since). I've made some online (at least, I'd consider them friends). My best friend was a neighbor when I was a kid; our families were close, his mom babysat me, & we're around the same age. We started to acknowledge each other as best friends in our teens, when we realized we'd maintained a very strong bond despite living in different states.

    What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?
    Confiding in me and showing interest in my thoughts/feelings & verbal acknowledgment that we are close. As for doing: any kind of generosity in a time of need, or going out of their way for you, having your back, and general effort to spend time together/keep in touch.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #9
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    Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?


    It depends if I want to befriend someone. I guess if we met a really great level of communication/connection then I'd definitely would try to contact them. Or suggest a general time to hang out.


    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)


    I guess for the most part. Not in a bad way like omg that's a beautiful hat and really I think it's miserable kind of thing. More like it's there life, I can't cross certain lines if you will. They like what they like, I just accept people.

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?


    If someone was annoying me I'd say it would depend on how much I see them and how much they really are annoying me if it's worth saying something.

    Same for company. Are we hanging out in groups? if so I can take breaks from them by talking to someone else. Individually I'll try to make plans with other people or events heh. But if it bothers me enough and I really felt like I couldn't be around someone individually I'd slowly start breaking away. Maybe not from group events but personal. It takes alot though to get me to not like "company".


    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?



    Depends. I usually only share personal stuff with close friends/family. I don't like opening up to people that I only know on a surface level. My ESFJ mother is always telling me "why not share that part of yourself with others? It may actually help others but also yourself. Share the load."

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?


    The friends I've already established trust with I will trust easy. But not the people who haven't proved to me that I can trust them. I guess my friends gained my trust by at least accepting that it's my life and I make decisions regarding career/happiness that will work for me, not them. If they want to judge then I won't go to them when I need support. I need a friend that can be a friend. If they can't be supportive or understanding atleast of my dreams or ideas/values then they are not even a friend I guess. I mean who who wants a friend who critiques something very dear to you everytime you bring it up to them or around them? They don't have to agree but they can atleast respect my personal life and decisions. I'd do the same.

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?


    Depends. I'm pretty friendly but that's only to judge what kind of person they seem to be after getting to know them after a few meetings. Usually pretty quick as long as they don't violate a personal part of me or judge my life decisions/not truly supporting me.

    I tend to gravitate towards the more quiet individualist people lol. The more contemplative, independent minded sort where we can just accept each other as we are. Even if there are differences.


    What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?


    I'd say for my ISTJ best friend. The solidness really. I know her, she knows me we just accept each other as we are. It took forever for me to get into her "circle" but I knew she was a honest and good person (I could "feel" it :P) so I just waited till she could see how trustworthy I was. For my ESFJ best friend I love that we can be silly and that she really values her friends. Taking out time for each individual friend because she knows it matters I suppose.

    Qualities being open-minded, supportive, light hearted, able to take a joke XD. In all seriousness though someone who respects my individual space and the space that is there own. All my friends respect that "space". They are a good bunch. I let them in but they don't think they can judge my life and tell me how to live it. They just support me and I just support them.

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?


    heh... some i guess spilled into the previous question . Sorry. Simply put a deal breaker for me if people want to be my friend they have to prove to me via support and not opininated judgement. If I open up to someone about a goal or Idea I have I don't want to hear other negative suggestions or any harsh criticism. Maybe a gentle suggestion but they need to let it go after that. If I want to do it I will, if not I won't. My choice. They need to respect that space for me that allows to me make a choice that works for me.

    I don't appreciate bossy/controlling/demanding/judgemental people in general. My life, just trying to figure it all out. Oh a biggie is manipulation, do not manipulate me.

    How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?


    When I'm having a good time I'd say smiling, happy, joking around. Bad time... probably smiling but not with the normal spark? Maybe alittle downcast expression or not really talking much.

    If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?


    I don't really mind if someone has a different viewpoint. It's when they think that they can cram their viewpoint down someone's throat that I see them differently. Like I can respect you don't like abortion, neither do I but who am I or this person to pretty much lecture them that they won't be there friend anymore if they do get one. That's there choice, not mine to make. Whatever they make I may let them know how big of a deal this is and if they do they may end up regretting it. Think first kind of thing. But after that, it's up to them.

    Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?


    Sometimes I feel I do. Sadly I do it sometimes because it's just easier then being manipulated by a certain persons tactics. But I prefer to do them from love . I do things because I want to most the time because I do love my family.

    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?


    All I ask I guess is that they respect my way of living and I will respect there's. I respect there's anyway but if they don't enough times trust is lost sort of . Sometimes I need alittle emotional support and sometimes it's nice to know that they aren't going to just ignore me when they don't "need" me. One of my expectations is really try to hang out with me once in awhile. Doesn't have to be every weekend but at least once a month or every other even if it's just for an hour without your significant other. It shows they still value "our" friendship and "our" time together just us to be girleh XD.

    How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?


    The usual chit chat first over something that interests us both I suppose.
    Met my 2 best friend(s) in elementary/middle school. Developed over time via proving we could trust each other. Quite a few years before I could label them officially "best" friend. Some criteria had to intuitively be met I suppose.

    What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?

    I guess showing they appreciate our friendship enough to make time for just us/without their significant other even if it's every month or so. It shows they place a value on "our" friendship enough to set time aside still. I know I would still do that for my friends even if I had a S.O. Disclosing our personal worlds, having a solid and established trust of experiences where it has been tested and passed. I know I got there loyalty, they got my back and I got there's. Still having that space that says "this is our area" even when they have a S.O. Like we still have trust and a bond that is seperate of the S.O even though he's included most of the time, it's there. Support's a biggy. But I've already went through that.

    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  10. #10
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    Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?

    I think it depends on the situation, it's probably about 50/50, but if I really want to hang out with someone I ask them....although ideally if I really want to hang out with someone hopefully they really want to hang out with me and might ask me

    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)
    I compliment people a lot, but they're usually genuine. It depends on the person too and what I think they can handle. That being said, if I am direct it is almost always softened or expressed in a way that isn't offensive.

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?
    I think I always try to see things from that person's point of view and if nothing else try to gain empathy for them, otherwise my actions, tone, etc...usually get the point across.


    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?

    I wouldn't feel threatened or annoyed, I am very open about most things, but sort of have layers of trust. I only have a few friends that I would dare share my deepest thoughts of insight and understandings of humans I get, but most factual things that happened to me even if deep I don't really care if I share. If nothing else it helps the other person understand my context of who I am.

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?
    I trust my friends to certain extents. I might trust everyone with what they say, but rarely trust anyone for some of my thoughts as mentioned above. Only a few friends do I ever let myself be really silly around.

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?
    I gravitate towards people with the desire to help others. Empathy and actions of caring for others is huge. Also people who like quotes, especially quotes from people like Gandhi.

    What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?
    My friends that I love the most are always learning and seeking to understand more. My friends also all care for others and try to challenge themselves.

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?
    I dislike people who always talk about themselves, also people who complain all the time concern me.

    The deal breaker is how people treat others. People who act in ways that are selfish without any foresight of the emotional harm they cause in others can be extraordinarily hard for me.

    How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?
    A good time I get more energized and involved, a bad time I get harsher and drained. My bad times I think I mask pretty well.

    If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?
    It depends, quite possibly, but I would try to not have my opinion change. I have the opinion that I could be wrong about anything or everything, but that being said.

    Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?

    I only ever obligate myself to my friends because I love them and want to.

    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?

    Sometimes I do, but it's rare for me to vocalize those expectations and sometimes I get hurt.

    How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?

    I usually make friends just by meeting people, i like just about everyone. My best friend became my best friend after sharing the same room for a year. He is also the person I am most likely to share any and every thought I have with.

    What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?

    Kind words or acts of service, when they show how much they love me.

    When they really consider and value what I consider important and value: I once wrote 75 goodbye letters to my friends where I told them why I thought they were awesome and for the closest ones ways for them to improve as individuals and grow in their potential. One of my friends considered what I was doing and did the same for me and 40 of his other friends. I still have his letter in my wallet and it means a lot to me.

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