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Thread: Understanding NF friends (Questions)

  1. #11
    Member Array Serenes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eckhart View Post
    Actually I did not. I guess I would have inhibitions to ask someone for such kind of help anyway, but with the friends I had I know they wouldn't be of help anyway.

    I can relate to the "no one really knows what's going on with me" most of the time. Rarely I spoke about current issues, but obviously no one would have come to the idea to even offer help.
    I think that's kinda the problem we have though.. we always assume that others can't help us or don't want to so we are afraid to even ask. We always expect others to be able to read our minds when maybe they really are just oblivious. They can't really offer help if they don't know that you are having trouble. I wouldn't really ask people randomly if they needed help when I don't even know what they would need help with lol

    Maybe we should really try asking for help more ;p and if then no one helps, then at least we will know for sure.

    Try and see what happens! You may be surprised.
    "You may be one person to the world, but to one person you may be the world."

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array Eckhart's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenes View Post
    I think that's kinda the problem we have though.. we always assume that others can't help us or don't want to so we are afraid to even ask. We always expect others to be able to read our minds when maybe they really are just oblivious. They can't really offer help if they don't know that you are having trouble. I wouldn't really ask people randomly if they needed help when I don't even know what they would need help with lol

    Maybe we should really try asking for help more ;p and if then no one helps, then at least we will know for sure.

    Try and see what happens! You may be surprised.
    Yes, I have thought about that too... it is not so easy obviously And well... maybe there would have been people where I felt they would be more of a help, but you know, I was not that close to them already. We get along well when talking, but we were not real friends already or so. Sadly I met those people late, and I don't know... it is awkward to talk with someone you don't feel that comfortable enough yet to speak about everything about very personal issues. But you are right... I guess one has to make the step to ask for help first

  3. #13
    Away with the fairies Array Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Do you ever Want to befriend someone, if so, do you ever put in the effort to hang out with them more often or find time to spend with them? Do you often try to invite them out or wait for the other person to ask instead?
    Sometimes. Very occasionally I feel a magnetic interest in a person; this is a rare and wonderful thing and it can make me make an effort. It totally depends on how conducive the social environment is to all this. If I feel uncertainty about the situation I will leave it to them.

    Are you usually kind and say things out of politeness instead of what you really think? (like compliments and such)
    I am very much disinclined to saying pleasant things out of politeness. I'm not a good liar and resent feeling forced to; in such cases I usually resort to vague positive statements to spare people's feelings. I'm also not an overly complimentary person because I only do so when I feel compelled by the strength of feeling. I don't want to bolster someone's vanity undeservingly - I want my compliments to mean something.

    If someone were annoying you, would you ever confront them about it? What would you do if you didn't like someone's company and yet they kept trying to talk to you?
    I have experienced this many times. I'm more forbearing than most people; I don't say anything to them and simply try my best to put up with it. However people irritate me very easily and I can struggle to disguise my annoyance. I once had to room with a girl that I found infuriatingly foolish and stupid. Despite my best efforts to hide this, she noticed my terse behaviour towards her and told a friend of mine, "I think SK doesn't like me". When I heard this I felt terrible and made an extra effort to be nicer.

    Do you share personal thoughts often? Would you feel threatened/annoyed if it seemed like someone kept asking about your personal life?
    Yes and no. I very open with superficial, surface emotions and don't mind others asking about that; this gives me the appearance of being quite emotionally open. When people prod me to divulge underlying feelings I clamp up and try to change the subject. I can sometimes talk about it if it comes up within the natural flow of the conversation but if I think someone is trying to work me out for whatever reason I go into shut down mode.

    Do you trust your friends easily, how do they gain your trust?
    Trust is such a complicated word. I think of it as an umbrella term for a lot of different ideas. I give people the benefit of the doubt easily and assume they are decent and mean well. But this trust doesn't afford an obvious benefits other than fair treatment. The sort of trust that makes me feel extremely safe around them, enough to open me up, is different. I hardly ever trust people in this way because it takes a lot to achieve this. It takes time; you have to prove to be a supportive, non-judgmental, understanding person. I have never been 100% open with anyone.

    How long does it take for you to open up and feel comfortable around a friend? What kinds of people do you open up to easier or gravitate towards?
    It depends on the person. I met an ENFP once and after spending a lot of time with her felt like I could tell her things after knowing her less than a month. She was just so easy-going, open-minded, patient, sensitive to others, a good listener and understood emotional complexity so well. ENFPs seem to particularly have this effect on me and I imagine INFPs would if I met more.

    What do you enjoy most about your friends? What kind of qualities do you like in your friendship?
    The sorts of things I mentioned above. I like people than relax my guard and I can have fun being my own silly self with as well as have serious and deep conversations with.

    What qualities do you Not like in your friendships? Any deal-breakers?
    I don't like being around people that are always negative and dumping their personal problems on me; it becomes so draining after a while and I begin to resent it. I dislike friends that make no effort to spend time with you and I have to always be the one to chase them down. I have a problem with friends that engage in behaviour I deem rather cruel or immoral. And a deal breaker is using my secrets or personal issues as gossip or entertainment. Those are the main things I guess.

    How do you usually act when you're having a good time? How do you usually act when you're having a bad time?
    Good time: bubbly, talkative, laughing, joking and making more eye contact
    Bad time: quiet, withdrawn, distracted, fidgety, more interested in the environment around me than the people

    If your friends had a totally different view on something that you believed to be important and right, would you think of them differently?
    Maybe if it was something really central to me but usually I don't form close friendships with anyone that clashes too much with my view of the world. Mostly I don't have a problem as long are they are accepting of my view. I need for us to be able to discuss the matter reasonably without tension or conflict.

    Do you ever feel like you have certain obligations to your friends and try to fulfill them? Or do you usually do it because you want to?
    Beyond basic respect and decency, I guess I feel an obligation to take an interest in things that really matter to them; ask them about it, listen to them and value their passion for it even if its dead boring to me. Often I don't want to do so and simply indulge them but I have discovered that it opens up my horizons and I can end up taking interest in it anyway.

    In turn, do you usually have any expectations of your friends? What if they don't fulfill them?
    I expect them to be respectful and considerate toward me otherwise what is the point of being friends. If there is trouble between us or if they behave badly I will distance myself from them.

    How do you usually make friends? How did you meet your best friend, and how long did it take before you acknowledged them as a 'best' friend?
    Usually through common interests. Most of my friends I met at university or while travelling. My best friend I met doing post-grad film studies. She's an American and has gone back to NYC But she has married a NZer so I expect visits will be made. I don't know I have ever openly acknowledged her to be my best friend but I don't have many close friends and she seems the best candidate. It took years for us to get properly close and it took a project that required us to spend a lot of time with one another.

    What do friends do/say that make you feel closer to them?
    Wanting to spend a lot of time with me; talking openly with me and telling me things they don't normally share with others; going out of their way to help me out with something they know matters to me.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

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