Yes to all of this. I don't know where I'd be without having grown up with my ENFP sister and my extroverted girlfriends. I might never have fully grasped my ENFJness if not for them. I would have remained deeply withdrawn.
Shared with 4w5 - "Prone to the emotion of shame. Air of sullen, withdrawn disappointment. May live within a private mythology of pain and loss. Can get deeply morbid and fall in love with death." Yes, the very death I regard as the enemy in my upright position.
If 4w3's mirror 7s, this may be what I have in similarity with my 7 twin sister. I have become less directionlessly volatile as I've gotten older.
And since State suspects I'm a sx/so (I very much trust his evaluations),...
My high expectations are there and I know it
. And yet if my romantic interest were to show imperfection or weakness
in some area, I would feel nothing but compassion for them and a strong desire to help them back into their place of awesomeness. That has many implications of course. I feel no sense of competition with my romantic interests, I admire them for what they do well, and the only competition that comes in is friendly pursuit of a mutual prize.
I've been forced into survival mode for most of my life. No doubt I'm guilty of a good deal of this. And then I become plagued by guilt and shame for having to "use" people to keep myself afloat and my family alive because I truly care about people and their feelings. In desperate times, connections have saved my bacon more times than I care to count.