As to entering a mental space where things don't hurt, absolutely. It's really a matter of choice, for me - I can choose how to look at things or react. So yeah, I'll decide not to take things personally, and put up a bit of armor, or whatever, and then I'm good. A lot of it for me too boils down to how I view the person. If I really respect them and their opinion, this isn't going to be easy and I might not be able to not care. However with most people I don't really put much stock in their view/opinion in particular, so I treat it and their words as I might any random person - so I could easily shrug off something from someone I'm not invested with. [ ... Some days I'm much better at this than others, though. Every now and then I AM in a hyper-sensitive place, where I just feel totally vulnerable and anxious about stuff, and typically I avoid much interaction when I'm like that.]
For me it's that I truly don't put much stock in my of-the-moment feelings and reactions. So if someone tells me I'm way out of line or am overreacting (as an example), I'll very likely start thinking I am. I'll probably be slightly embarrassed or will immediately start assessing why I might be overreacting. Since most feelings are ever-changing, I tend to not place much weight on them - and therefore am not 'offended' if someone would question me on them. If I have an ongoing, deep-rooted feeling, though, that's a sign of something that needs to be addressed.Ti/Fe does the same thing with "feelings." In the Ti/Fe perspective, it is the feelings/values/customs that are "objectively true" and derive their truth from empiricism and collaborative effort. It is "feelings" that are impersonal, as weird as that might sound. (I suspect that it is this property of being "impersonal" that makes Fi read Fe as less than genuine, when nothing could be further from the truth. The Fe is how one deals with "feelings", it is not how one feels feelings.) So for Ti/Fe, it's one's ideas that are personal, and the feelings that are communal, while for Fi/Te, one's feelings are personal and the ideas are communal.
And absolutely, my ideas/thoughts are basically ME. They're hands-down how I equate my sense of self/identity. So yeah, someone invalidating or questioning those... I'll very likely feel unaccepted and in a sense will feel that my core self - who I am - is not wanted or is at least not wanted as-is -- since my thoughts (self) are rejected.
For myself, I just know that everyone speaks their own 'language' and the same sentence/manner of speaking from one person is going to have an entirely different meaning from the same phrases from another. So I don't have an issue really with 'mean language' in and of itself... it totally depends on who it's coming from, and I interpret it differently from one to the other.What surprised me when I heard this: I'd been living like that for years, except with a slight twist. I don't assume that they're nice, per se, but I do assume they have their reasons, and most people aren't so stupid as to gratuitously verbally attack others "just to be mean," and those that are that stupid are not worth my time. So I assume it's just a misunderstanding until they prove that they really are that mean/stupid, at which point I don't attack, I ignore.*