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  1. #1
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    Exclamation INFP betrayed your trust?

    Has it ever been done to you that an INFP betrayed your trust by not keeping your secret? Then confessing you everything being overwhelmed with guilt but justifying himself he did it because it was bothering him so much.
    I wonder would INFP ever do that? I question his type now and I'm pretty much shocked because I've never expected that from him.
    Now what? We're friends who've just started to become more, kind of dating. Should this be a dealbreaker?

  2. #2
    Member Cephalonimbus's Avatar
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    Whether or not it should be a dealbreaker... only you can make that decision. If you feel betrayed, it's definitely a problem because trust is very important in friendships and relationships. If you haven't already, i recommend you have a serious talk about it and make it very clear what your demands and expectations are.

    As for me, i don't know any other INFPs, and i'm not sure how MBTI type relates to this to be honest... but i take secrets seriously. The only scenario where i would consider sharing the information with others, would be when the secret was a major violation of the law, or a major violation of the trust of somebody else. I don't remember this ever happening, though.

    However, i have shared secrets without naming names or including details that would give away the identity of the person in question. I've done this for the purpose of making people feel better when they were at an extreme low point in their life. For example: when people tell me about a situation they're in which makes them feel hopeless, i might say i know somebody else who has been through something similar but has overcome that feeling of hopelessness. At a moment like that, i feel that sharing that information can give them hope and help them overcome their desperate feelings, which at that moment overrides the importance of keeping a secret. But i would always keep it anonymous.
    ik sprokkel wat dagen, drop baggage,
    soms heb ik geen zin om die koffers te dragen,
    ik laat los, los het op, word onzichtbaar
    en geef de buitenlucht wat ruimte terug
    dus.. nu zit ik op m'n fiets alsof het niets is,
    maar niets kan toch niet uit zichzelf pedalen laten draaien?

    ~ Typhoon

  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    any type can betray your trust, [sugarplum]. it has nothing to do with type, people just suck. the end.also if its one person that did this, it's unfair to persecute the type as a whole. the person is obviously a sucky person, get over it. yes it sucks to have your secrets divulged, but it happened so what. unless you're going to jail or going to die it's alright.
    Last edited by Kasper; 11-26-2010 at 02:31 AM. Reason: insult removed
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #4
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    Thanks Cephalonimbus, I'm very much like you about secrets.
    In my case, it was just a very personal thing he promised not to tell, and he did it in front of 5 other people I hardly know. I'm ashamed to look at their faces now. Not because me or anyone did something wrong, but it just very personal. I'm an NT and I don't do it with just anyone.
    Strange thing is he feels so gulity about it, it makes me feel gulity too, like I'm responsible for him feeling that way, you know.
    The most disappointing thing is he did it out of selfish reasons, he wanted to feel better, didn't think about me. I thought I knew him for 12 years!

    prplchknz, sorry, but I'm not judging anyone, part of me was just interested in connections or not of that with NF. You just seems highly unlikely of betrayal, that's all.
    Last edited by ntgirl; 11-19-2010 at 09:51 AM. Reason: .

  5. #5
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    If he didn't betray your trust as much he thinks then give him a hug. If you aren't happy them let him know. What else can one say?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    people make mistakes, even infps. whether it can be forgiven or not is completely up to you.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    any type can betray your trust, moron. it has nothing to do with type, people just suck. the end.also if its one person that did this, it's unfair to persecute the type as a whole.
    This....

  8. #8
    Senior Member tkae.'s Avatar
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    I've used things told to me "in confidence" to play two sides against each other for some kind of greater good (two friends fighting, I'll go to the other with each one's side in order to defuse the tension caused by lack of communication).

    Is that what you mean?

    If two people that I care about are being stupid and not talking to each other, I'll break my confidentiality rules and reveal things that twist the truth around until both are willing to work things out on their own, yeah.

    But just a secret that I couldn't stand? If I told someone, it'd be the person I trusted not to share my secrets. And that's been rare. Usually I don't tell anyone. But it depends on the kind of secret, too, and how you treated me after you told me. If you were really good friends with me that day and told me this secret that I couldn't tell to anyone, then that's fine. But if you turn around a few months later and treat me like shit, you're a dumbass for keeping someone that close and then throwing them away.

    Even then I'd still keep whatever secret you told me (unless you REALLY pissed me off and it'd still do damage to you), but the point is still that you're a dumbass.

    And it depends, I guess. Does it feel like a dealbreaker?

    Or if you aren't that much of a feel-y person (since I know INTJs tend to run on a different kind of decision-making fuel), does it equate to being a dealbreaker using whatever kind of equation you use?

    My equation is that if it feels like a dealbreaker, it is. If it doesn't, then it's not.

    You have to use your own criteria to decide that, we can't tell you that.
    "Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." -Ekaku Hakuin
    http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b1...psdunkqmep.png
    5w4 . IEI . Chaotic Good
    Right-Libertarian Minarchist

  9. #9
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    do you know why it was bothering him so much? i think that's what would decide for me whether it was a dealbreaker or not. if he just freaked out and told people he trusted it'd be kind of different than if he gleefully announced it to a bunch of strangers.

  10. #10
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    You'll have to accept in life that the best functioning constructions are those you build yourself. Or that these are the worst functioning constructions. What this means is, it's up to you to decide on this. What you are definitly lacking is to decide on this
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

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