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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default Why aren't we the type we would choose?

    This is a little bit of a philosophical question...

    It seems as I learn more about type that we are somewhat bound by our type in how we behave. We can learn and grow and stretch ourselves, but when it comes down to most of life we are going to behave according to our basic natures.

    I've noticed that many people post that they want to be a different type.

    So my question is - why can't we be the people we want to be?

    I used to assume that if someone acted rude or nice or silly that they were acting that way because they wanted to.

    And then I realized that if I were to choose a personality for myself, I would be a raging extrovert, organized and grounded in reality. I would be super friendly with everyone and be a real encourager.

    Instead, I am so introverted that I avoid calling people back on the phone, even when it is important, and even when I know that their feelings are probably hurt. I am completely unorganized and reality is a fleeting concept for me.

    am not complaining, I just don't understand why we can't just decide who we are going to be?

    I know many of you will reply and say "Just be who you want to be," but it really isn't that easy. That only works when I am full of energy and can resist my natural impulses.

  2. #2
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    I used to think I'd be an INTJ when I grew up. You know, when I was about 22 I thought they were really the pinnacle of maturity.

    Now I realize that's a bunch of horseshit and I'd actually not want to have to deal with their issues, that the fact of the matter is that I actually *do* prefer being a feeler, and experiencing things intensely, and I like the fact that I have good communication skills, and that my lack of planning has actually provided me with a somewhat fun and interesting life, although it certainly has it's down sides.

    Sure, it would be so nice to be some wonderfully organized, realistic SJ...or would it?

    People always think they want what they aren't...they want curly hair if they have straight hair, they want straight hair if they have curly hair.

    We all have our weaknesses, and sometimes our weaknesses feel especially limiting and embarrassing merely through the fault of being our own, not because they are objectively that much worse than other people's weaknesses.

    I think I do like the type that I am, and it just took me a while to accept myself. That could be said about many people, even if we're not talking about MBTI type.

  3. #3
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    ***Psychological Jibber Jabber Warning!***

    Well if you go back to Jung in Psychological Types, he states that the 'primary' cognitive function is your own sexual attitude; such as an Ne dominant sees all masculinity or femininity based upon their own cognitive definition; by contrast the Anima (the inferior function) specifies their subconscious opposite sexual orientation. Therefore an Ne dom will see an Si user of the opposite sex as desirable subconsciously as it provides them with balance.

    Surely there is a phase when we first starting to grapple with issues of the opposite sex where we find that subconscious presence very comforting and desirable and want it inclusively to be us; but it's important to remember that its not what we chose for ourselves, but what we find comforting in others of the opposite sex.

    In my research I've found that discussion seems to be where the basis of where type based relationship compatibility comes from although what Jung is really saying is that someone with those characteristics is desirable only if you can continue down your own preferred cognitive route simultaneously as having a stable relationship with your cognitive opposite. Of course, it's likely all bullshit; yah.

    ***Psychological Jibber Jabber Ends!***

  4. #4
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    I dont consider pesonality type to be a hinder for personal developement, I think its a realization of ones weaknesses and a decent way to gain insight into other peoples motivations, desires, behavior and so on. It doesnt cover all, but atleast enough. I consider my motivations, desires, wishes to be a semi-fluid entity. But I also have an almost fixed cognitive, physical preference, that will dominate or be the filter to how I come to these decisions.

    I have used the analogy of a painter before and I think it covers well what I mean. Everyday is like a new canvas Im painting, it do have a general theme to it, which is my personal style so to say. Each day is a different variation on this theme or within this art form. If I was to change my style, like going from pointilism to contemporary impressionism, I might do pretty decent. But if I was to go into cubism, I would probably suck at it. Atleast at first, but the potential that I would be remembered as a great cubistic master is not significantly high.

    So why is this? Because cognitive functions are not motivations or what I want to be, but the method of how I get there.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Ah, now this I can relate to. I tried to be more of a SJ than an SP.... But I've learned to accept that organization and deadlines are definitely not a high priority to me. It drove me crazy when I was trying to organize everything and plan everything in advance. It was such a waste of time, because I'd plot out this agenda, and then wouldn't stick to it at all so I felt like I totally wasted time! And deadlines and being places on time, yeah that's a laugh... I will never be one to leave early for anything, I always seem to leave at the last possible minute. The majority of the time I can manage to make it somewhere on time.... However, I don't even want to know how many drivers I piss off to accomplish that.

    I'm one of those people that friends and family say "She doesn't have a mean bone in her body" about.... I really don't... I've tried to be mean before and it's the most pathetic attempt ever. Sometimes, I wonder if I was more of a thinker instead of a feeler if I could be a little bit meaner. I know it's a good thing to be nice, but some people really try and take advantage of it, and think I'm a pushover because of it. Thankfully, even though I'm nice I guess I have a little bit of a intimidating appearance to some people. I really don't think so myself, but people always comment on my broad shoulders and the fact that I don't smile 24/7. Whatever. If that's all I've got at least it's something to make people think I'd be a little bit harder to steamroll.

    Okay, anyway, I'm just rambling at this point.... So the shortened version... I've tried really hard to change my personality type and all it ever did was made me miserable and stressed out! Once I accepted the way I was and worked with it instead of against it, I was a lot happier!

  6. #6
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    I think people are generally happy in their skin. You ask anybody what they like about themselves and dislike, you'll get answers that are somewhat related to their type (assuming the question isn't asked with type in mind). I say that because just because you are a certain type does not mean you exhibit all behaviors associated with that type.

    At the same time we all have insecurities and a tendency to compare ourselves to others.

    So we look at the apparent greener grass of another person or type, and think they must have a better life experience because they have those functions. At the same time that person's looking at you wishing they had what you got! LOL.

    It just confirms even more our codependence on each other (for the right reasons).

  7. #7
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    ^Yeah I'll buy that. I mean I dream about different types too, but there's a reason that it's just a passing whim. Put it this way, we all know our weaknesses. It should be painfully obvious to all of us, especially since we study MBTI. Put it this way, when someone else goes 'hmmmm... I wish I was type x' do you think they're actively aware of the problems that come with that type? Probably not. I think we just use other types as a way to dream about how we can improve. Given a long thought about the pros and cons of every type, I doubt too many people would actually want to change their types.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  8. #8
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Aren't we the type we wanna be?

  9. #9
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    Aren't we the type we wanna be?
    Most of the time I am... However, there are times where my mom has a way of commenting about how I need to be more organized and need to be less impulsive... And it's those times where I start wishing I was a different type.... Probably not so much for me, but so she'll stop barkin' in my ear about it.

  10. #10
    Member Affably Evil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    Aren't we the type we wanna be?
    There's always some social pressure to be a little more ____ or a little less ____. Or we think life would be easier if we were _____ and so on and on.
    5w4 sx/sp

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