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  1. #11
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    I'm glad I could contribute something that others can relate to.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    Marms response was perfect.
    I like Marms response too.

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Yes infatuation differs from love. Infatuation is like giddy, exciting, heart beats faster...but it doesn't go as deep. Love is like you feel complete and whole with that person, like a feeling of being connected to something greater than yourself
    I would agree with that statement. The sense of being connected to something greater is a state of true intimacy. Isn't it?

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I came to this conclusion by thinking of the way one loves a child, you know like your own kid or in my case my nieces and nephews....and basically loving a child in that parental or family sense is kind of like romantic love without the sexual feelings. That's how I can seperate the feelings of love and infatuation in my mind.
    I don't know if I can relate to the similarity of ones love for a child. But in terms of infatuation versus love, it would seem that infatuation is more sexually focused and a form of idealization.

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I hope that doesn't sound too weird. Romantic love is physically overwhelming too, in a sexual sense, like a high tide that's beyond your control. It's very warm, very intense. All consuming in the moment, but strong and secure enough to not obsess about it when you're apart. I think that's another difference between love and infatuation...I think infatuation has more a tinge of worry and lack of trust.
    Hmmm. Good point about insecurity and infatuation. With love, I believe, there's such a trust and knowing - connectedness breeds security. Even when you're apart, you know you're together. Infatuation is more of a longing for something of an object that exists in the abstract. There is no really connection.

    So, what's the difference between true intimacy and love? (Maybe this is obvious to others, but it's not so obvious to me.. Can anyone help out?)
    Last edited by Onceajoan; 11-17-2010 at 06:20 PM. Reason: addition

  3. #13

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    Love makes me melt inside... it's a wonderful sensation of warmth that, if I'm not feeling this strange thing, I feel like something is missing, or maybe that is a cave in my heart in some way. It's a real fuel to my imagination, and have the talent of filling my life fully.

    But, unfortunately, it can be frustrating for me, and make me feel melancholic (much more than I naturally am) because I don't know the cure for platonic love, that is the only one I really know.

    It's a contradiction... makes me feel alive but dead inside, gives me happiness but may cause the worst moments of pain. And because of all this mystery, it became an addiction since the first time I fell for someone.

    (And shyness make it so difficult to talk to the guys I like... *sighs*)

  4. #14
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Yes infatuation differs from love. Infatuation is like giddy, exciting, heart beats faster...but it doesn't go as deep. Love is like you feel complete and whole with that person, like a feeling of being connected to something greater than yourself, or you could just say that you value that person's life as much as your own ...like you'd kill someone who'd hurt them.

    I came to this conclusion by thinking of the way one loves a child, you know like your own kid or in my case my nieces and nephews....and basically loving a child in that parental or family sense is kind of like romantic love without the sexual feelings. That's how I can seperate the feelings of love and infatuation in my mind.

    I hope that doesn't sound too weird. Romantic love is physically overwhelming too, in a sexual sense, like a high tide that's beyond your control. It's very warm, very intense. All consuming in the moment, but strong and secure enough to not obsess about it when you're apart. I think that's another difference between love and infatuation...I think infatuation has more a tinge of worry and lack of trust.
    Very, very well said.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilentNight View Post
    Love makes me melt inside... it's a wonderful sensation of warmth that, if I'm not feeling this strange thing, I feel like something is missing, or maybe that is a cave in my heart in some way. It's a real fuel to my imagination, and have the talent of filling my life fully.
    Interesting. I wonder if the sense of something missing is something specifically experienced by INFPs. I agree with the warmth that love creates within oneself. In asking the original question, this is what I was aiming at... Thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by SilentNight View Post
    It's a contradiction... makes me feel alive but dead inside, gives me happiness but may cause the worst moments of pain. And because of all this mystery, it became an addiction since the first time I fell for someone.
    Why does it make you feel dead inside? Isn't love suppose to make you feel more, not less? I guess it depends on the nature of the relationship... This is a bit confusing to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilentNight View Post
    (And shyness make it so difficult to talk to the guys I like... *sighs*)
    Sounds more like unrequited love. That is very painful, I know.

  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Interesting. I wonder if the sense of something missing is something specifically experienced by INFPs. I agree with the warmth that love creates within oneself. In asking the original question, this is what I was aiming at... Thanks!
    You're welcome! Well, I think that this feeling of something missing may be more experienced by Fi-doms (I think it may be the same for Fi-aux), because feelings - in my case - are felt deeply and intensely (not only love), making them part of my essence. So this sensation may be stronger for us, but I really believe that Fe-doms/aux. can feel this kind of thing...


    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Why does it make you feel dead inside? Isn't love suppose to make you feel more, not less? I guess it depends on the nature of the relationship... This is a bit confusing to me.
    Yeah, it was confusing even for me for a while. But I know... I've been involved in many cases of unrequited love, so it may be the result of a strong feeling plus hopelessness. It's awful the feeling of knowing that there is no reciprocity (and have the illogical stubbornness of insisting in such feeling :steam: )...


    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Sounds more like unrequited love. That is very painful, I know.
    You got it right...

  7. #17
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    It feels good.
    I hope so...

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    i think love is obvious to some people while others just keeps intellectualizing and rationalizing it over and over again.
    Yeah. I tend to intellectualize and rationalize a lot when I'm in a relationship (unfortunately). A form of insecurity, I think. I wish I could just go with it and TRUST.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    People tell me they just know when they love another. and i am like, w hhhaaa i don't understand. so maybe when i do feel love, i will know. i will report back.
    People do say that they KNOW when they love each other. But, I think that there are different kinds of love. So, what is love to one, may not be love to another. I have felt (what I thought was) love for someone and then later felt (what I thought was) love for someone else, but in a very different way. That's confusing to me. I'm not sure if it's because I've become older, more experienced, have changed as a person or have been involved with different men who have engendered different emotional responses. If it's your "soulmate", does it feel different? The depth of the experience?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    goo...it feels like goo onceajoan....
    I'll goo with that.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    goo everywhere or just in one place?
    Stop it! You're turning me on.

  8. #18
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    I agree with Arclight's description. It's that feeling of something larger than yourself. That the other's welfare is more portant than your own. The feelings are contradictory and defy easy explanation. Actual love isn't all roses but calls upon all that you have to honor that love. What that requires is what love asks when a person could easily defer to their own ego or selfish needs. Unconditional love, contrary to what's imagined. is very difficult because it means that your ego, is secondary or demolished. You love that person as if they were your own soul, and you have no conscious say in the matter. If you act on your ego, then pain will result for both parties because a person is thinking of themselves and not of the other. True love asks all of you in sometimes the most difficult, challenging circumstances imaginable. Inside, physically, it feels to me like a warmth, a connection that speaks beyond words. I've felt physical pain at the thought of the loss of someone I loved. I think infatuation is short-lived, and is much more about physical attraction exclusively and a projection. Love feels more like a bond of deep friendship that goes beyond words. There's a mutual friendship at heart combined with deep desire.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    It takes me outside of myself and offers me new perspectives and ideas because to love someone, you have to know them. If you know them then you see the world through new eyes.
    I love this ^ KNOWING THEM

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Love feels secure. Love soothes and calms me.
    This too ^

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    I agree with Arclight's description. It's that feeling of something larger than yourself. That the other's welfare is more important than your own.
    Yet, I'm not sure that putting the welfare of the other is often how most experience love, unfortunately.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    What that requires is what love asks when a person could easily defer to their own ego or selfish needs. Unconditional love, contrary to what's imagined. is very difficult because it means that your ego, is secondary or demolished.
    This requires maturity (and life experience, perhaps?) Also, I think in many cases, what people experience as love is really the sense that the other can fullfill their needs and make them whole. Is that love? Love of a different kind. Call me a cynic, but I feel that most all of us are looking to others to fullfill certain needs (whether this be conscious or unconscious). We (people in general) focus on how the other makes us feel rather than how they feel. Unconditional love, as you said, is very difficult.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    Inside, physically, it feels to me like a warmth, a connection that speaks beyond words.
    Someone mentioned warmth earlier. I think that love does feel like that...


    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    Love feels more like a bond of deep friendship that goes beyond words. There's a mutual friendship at heart combined with deep desire.
    That's interesting because I don't think that love (romantic love) is often described as friendship. Mutual friendship at heart combined with deep desire.
    Last edited by Onceajoan; 11-17-2010 at 07:38 PM. Reason: addition

  10. #20
    Member Yossarian's Avatar
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    Love is like experiencing the highest version of yourself. I love my partner (ESTJ) because she has all the positive traits I lack. She has the common sense, the straight-talking, the logical thinking, the outward confidence that is needed at times. When we are together it's like being superhuman. When we are apart, the thought of her inspires me, motivates me, comforts me and challenges me. The thought of not loving her would make me feel like half a person again. A few months ago we decided that to encourage my own person to become one without her that we would live apart for a year and I would use our experience of having lived together as a roadmap for how to improve myself. It's difficult at times but I feel like I'm making changes to things that I previously would have accepted as an unquestioned part of my psyche. She has taught me more about myself than I could have figured out on my own. Love is deep understanding and care.

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