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[ENFJ] Dichotomous Functions in an ENFJ?

bronson

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I've read on here that a persons various functions are utilised simultaneously rather than individually. However I feel that for me, particularly perhaps because of my personality type, I behave according to my two major functions separately. What I mean by that is that when I'm functioning in Fe I function in that alone, and then when I function in Ni I'm definitely not functioning in Fe.

Maybe its just my lack of understanding, and I am aware that the various functions are all very different from one another hence their categorisations, but I feel that ENFJ's have two distinctly different functions that are quite difficult to reconcile.

Fe is so energetic and lively, confident and vivacious. It's effective and engaging; people are influenced by me.

Then I get sucked down into the often melancholic gully-trap of Ni that puts theories and concepts to the forefront of my mind that challenge all the social norms Fe is so smooth with, and starts randomly questioning and challenging the stupidity of all the ridiculously futile things people pursue in everyday life.

Then when I flick back into Fe I have to work had to recover all the lost ground by acting out the farce again and saying 'sorry dont mind me don't know where all that shit came from' etc etc.


Don't get me wrong, there are those lovely moments when it all comes together and I am able to relate my inarticulate Ni insights in the confident and expressive manner of Fe to (eg) a big group of strangers.

Yet, most of the time I feel that when one switches on the other flicks off. And if something occurs that I need to process through Ni I will literally shut off on the spot from people and go into this dream - and everyone's like 'What's wrong with you? Still there?' but I can't help it.

And I feel like most days are Fe days so everyone has this perception of me as that real friendly guy who knows everyone, but then they just get disapointed another day when I don't even notice them because I'm having a big old Ni day.

Does anyone else ride on this seesaw?

Am I not functioning as efficiently and productively as I could be?
 
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JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
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I think one of the hallmarks of ENFJ's is the internal "emotional roller coaster". It's not nearly as bad since I have gotten a bit older. I think it is about learning to be authentic and vulnerable by making sure my Fe isn't in conflict with my Ni. I'm better at letting people see my less pleasant, more controversial parts - even if it means they don't like me. I'm not nearly as popular as I used to be...what a relief! Life is getting easier. Does that make sense even?
 

Unkindloving

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In terms of emoticons- my Fe alone can be very ":holy:" and my Ni alone is very ":huh:". Mine tend to compliment one another more often than not, but the moments where they act separately seem as if I've lost balance in myself for a brief time and am a bit of a pod person within my own body.

I do find that I've actively sought out a lot of balance over the past 10 years, and have likely gone through the Fe/Ni highs and lows. I would say work to switch the balance. For me, it comes easier when I am more selective about the people I choose to interact with and Fe at. My Ni can haterade outside of my group, while my Fe is still intact with my group. You may just have to learn to utilize them both, but in different places. :yes:
 

Domino

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I've been told I have a very distinct Fe mode and an Ni mode.
 

skylights

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^ i think i see this in an ENFJ friend of mine. one second she's chatting warmly and lively and attending to people and the next she's staring hard at someone in the distance with a >:| face, and subsequently says something very insightful but only distantly related to the matter at hand.
 

TopherRed

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I see Fe alone as a big thick rich field of brightly colored pizza. I see Ni as a big purple wave moving up and down through that field of pizza as seen from the side. When I was younger, the pizza would rise and dive like a magic carpet according to the big purple wave. Now the pizza is learning to observe, and swerve out of the purple wave's way; still observing where the wave is going, yet the pizza itself stays stable, catching the wave like wind on a birds' wings when it goes up, and avoiding it and gliding when the wave goes down.

o_O I don't even know how to work Se and Ti into this mix. I suppose Se gives me the ability to counter the movement of the Ni-wave, and Ti gives me the ability to keep observing it, even when my pizza-Fe is not cruising with it.

Cha, Ni is weird. :D
 

Unkindloving

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I see Fe alone as a big thick rich field of brightly colored pizza. I see Ni as a big purple wave moving up and down through that field of pizza as seen from the side. When I was younger, the pizza would rise and dive like a magic carpet according to the big purple wave. Now the pizza is learning to observe, and swerve out of the purple wave's way; still observing where the wave is going, yet the pizza itself stays stable, catching the wave like wind on a birds' wings when it goes up, and avoiding it and gliding when the wave goes down.

o_O I don't even know how to work Se and Ti into this mix. I suppose Se gives me the ability to counter the movement of the Ni-wave, and Ti gives me the ability to keep observing it, even when my pizza-Fe is not cruising with it.

Cha, Ni is weird. :D
So this is what the male ENFJ language conjures? Interesting.
...Now I'm hungry. :noms on hummus and pretends it is super duper delicious:
 

username666

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Feb 10, 2010
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I've read on here that a persons various functions are utilised simultaneously rather than individually. However I feel that for me, particularly perhaps because of my personality type, I behave according to my two major functions separately. What I mean by that is that when I'm functioning in Fe I function in that alone, and then when I function in Ni I'm definitely not functioning in Fe.

Maybe its just my lack of understanding, and I am aware that the various functions are all very different from one another hence their categorisations, but I feel that ENFJ's have two distinctly different functions that are quite difficult to reconcile.

Fe is so energetic and lively, confident and vivacious. It's effective and engaging; people are influenced by me.

Then I get sucked down into the often melancholic gully-trap of Ni that puts theories and concepts to the forefront of my mind that challenge all the social norms Fe is so smooth with, and starts randomly questioning and challenging the stupidity of all the ridiculously futile things people pursue in everyday life.

Then when I flick back into Fe I have to work had to recover all the lost ground by acting out the farce again and saying 'sorry dont mind me don't know where all that shit came from' etc etc.


Don't get me wrong, there are those lovely moments when it all comes together and I am able to relate my inarticulate Ni insights in the confident and expressive manner of Fe to (eg) a big group of strangers.

Yet, most of the time I feel that when one switches on the other flicks off. And if something occurs that I need to process through Ni I will literally shut off on the spot from people and go into this dream - and everyone's like 'What's wrong with you? Still there?' but I can't help it.

And I feel like most days are Fe days so everyone has this perception of me as that real friendly guy who knows everyone, but then they just get disapointed another day when I don't even notice them because I'm having a big old Ni day.

Does anyone else ride on this seesaw?

Am I not functioning as efficiently and productively as I could be?

You know, its like you stole the thoughts right out of my head.

Its whats been running through my mind as an ENFJ I dont really relate to this Fe harmonious loving overly friendly type.. I mean those are idealistic qualities I strive for..but I relate more to the calculating Ni..Like, Fe its very much suited for an Si user.. ESFJ. Were both Fe doms but in my experience we're worlds apart. Im more inclined to enjoy NTs ideas and thoughts than SFs who quickly irritate me in a way I cant describe.

I guess the question remains, how do I genuinely keep up the act of Fe comeraderie, the sense of "life is perfect" like most ESFJs, with the other me who prefers my own distance and melancholic privacy and skepticism of the status quo. Im waiting on Jung specialists to define this polarization of Fe and Ni cause I dont have a clue as to what is the answer to this.

Thing is, if my Thinking function were anywhere as strong as my Intuition function, I think i'd be happy being a bonafide IxTx type. I'm jealous of how detached they can be and in their own world.. Fe always pulls me back so I have to keep up as soon as I fall deep into my intuitive state
 

skylights

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^ so do you feel that Fe and Ni pull you in opposite directions? not just in and out, i mean, that dichotomy is a given, but towards/away from people? it sounds like you're kind of irritated with the "duties" of Fe - that it's just an act... so what if you just stopped acting?

i don't really have a good juicy jungian answer for you but my thought is that maybe if you allowed yourself some time to just get away from people and indulge your Ni, you could return to Fe when you felt like you really wanted it, instead of feeling forced to come back. i don't know if you're like this too, but my ENFJ friend (same one that i was talking about earlier) has difficulty taking time off for herself - she's worried about what will happen if she stops interacting... she gets overextended and cynical if she doesn't, though, and she returns much happier if she takes some time to herself to shut out from the world for a while.

actually to pull it into jungian/beebean (haha beebean?) terms, Ni is in your Mother/"Supportive Parent" function role - i wonder if maybe it would help for you to fall back on it some more, even if that means letting Fe drop the reins for a while. then i think you can move to integrating them more... i think ideally, as the Supportive Parent, Ni can be used for Fe to "bounce off" of - like for it to affirm the direction you want to take, and to help steer you when you're tired or not sure where to go.
 
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proteanmix

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You know, its like you stole the thoughts right out of my head.

Its whats been running through my mind as an ENFJ I dont really relate to this Fe harmonious loving overly friendly type.. I mean those are idealistic qualities I strive for..but I relate more to the calculating Ni..Like, Fe its very much suited for an Si user.. ESFJ. Were both Fe doms but in my experience we're worlds apart. Im more inclined to enjoy NTs ideas and thoughts than SFs who quickly irritate me in a way I cant describe.

I'm a Fe dominant (ExFJ) and the only part of Fe that I truly truly identify with, enough so for me to believe it's my dominant function is that I have a very strong inclination towards interpersonal intelligence which I contrast with intrapersonal intelligence.
I guess the question remains, how do I genuinely keep up the act of Fe comeraderie, the sense of "life is perfect" like most ESFJs, with the other me who prefers my own distance and melancholic privacy and skepticism of the status quo. Im waiting on Jung specialists to define this polarization of Fe and Ni cause I dont have a clue as to what is the answer to this.

Thing is, if my Thinking function were anywhere as strong as my Intuition function, I think i'd be happy being a bonafide IxTx type. I'm jealous of how detached they can be and in their own world.. Fe always pulls me back so I have to keep up as soon as I fall deep into my intuitive state.

What do you mean the "act" of Fe camaraderie? My Fe is more about being neutral or at the very least projecting neutrality than camaraderie. I don't think ESFJs project the life is perfect thing, or maybe it depends on what kind of ESFJs you've run across. I've actually found that to be more of a problem with ENFJs than ESFJs. I wonder if ESFJs are more confrontational (less smooth) than ENFJs. A huge complaint that I resisted for a long time about ENFJs was conflict avoidance even when something needs to be addressed, questioned, and hashed out but once I saw it happening IRL with two ENFJs I was like oh, it's real. Being conflict avoidant is not a predominantly Fe trait, but the way someone goes about being conflict avoidant indicates type/function preference I think. I found the smoothness, greasiness, the appeasing attitude to be eye-opening in dealing with ENFJs and seeing it in them made me wonder about it in myself. I ask myself to what ends and for what purpose is this beneficial?

I don't necessarily see that with ESFJs...there's a staunchness, earnestness, and transparency there that minimizes the feeling like you're being like they're holding back on you. ESFJs are rawer and more exposed than ENFJs. I feel like ESFJs will get real with you faster and with ENFJs you're more likely to encounter a walled garden that blocks off access. Maybe the walled garden is the melancholic privacy you're referring to, you realize you need that space but it conflicts with Fe wanting to have open borders.

As an ExFJ I feel that need as well so I don't know if it's particularly ESFJ or ENFJ, but I don't feel bad about it or find it irreconcilable with Fe. In fact, I think that time to analyze and chomp on whatever I'm chomping on as time well spent and deepen my understanding of interpersonal relationships. It helps get past the surface.

One of the big things I noticed especially within the last two years is people's tendency to be blindly sympathetic to someone. Here's a simple example.

You have a person who recently broke up with their SO. You know both of the people in the relationship, but aren't particularly close with either of them. One day, one of them invites you out to a movie or something and you guys get to talking and they tell you all about What Went Wrong. They tell you the other person was jealous, insecure, controlling, manipulative, didn't keep their promises, etc. etc. You may be oh I'm so sorry, how could they do that, what is their problem, yeah you dodged a bullet, thank goodness you're out of that relationship.

It's so many repercussions to that experience. Since the person you went out with got to your "first" you may begin to develop a dislike towards their SO. They did nothing to you, you don't even know them that well but you feel the seeds of dislike within yourself. How would that situation change if that person were a close friend of yours? Their ex would be doubly damned.

Those times of introspection help me think around and beyond and sift out what information I receive. During those times, I may think hey what about the other person's side of the story? Did the person I talk to keep unflattering information from me to boost themselves? Maybe their SO saw a side of them I don't see? Maybe there are things that have gone down I don't know about. Since I've done that enough within myself I don't even necessarily have to go back into a cave to have those thoughts spring in my mind, they come automatically. Which is why I rather be neutral and project neutrality than camaraderie...the neutrality is a product of trying to think and be healthily skeptical of how people present themselves, what they say to me and not trying to take either "side" or opinions that I can't verify. For me, it's a check on an aspect of Fe that I find irritating. Converse of this is it can get you into trouble when you don't automatically assume the best (personal experience!) so at that point it's up to you to decide how you want to go forward.

I think that when these thoughts penetrate through for Fe doms, natural instinct is to beat them back. It's not viewed as something good or something to be encouraged...that's there's something worthy in allowing those those to continue. The only advice I can give is there's nothing wrong with feeling those things and having those thoughts. There are insights in there. Welcome them, go have a margarita with them, sit down and chat. The more comfortable you become with those thoughts, the less you will feel like it's some ugly thing you have to hide or steal away from people in order to indulge in. I guess it's about being receptive to them and maybe that walled garden will disappear.

For me, I have a walled garden. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get rid of it, but I do think it should be transparent. I'd rather feel like I have nothing to hide, even if there are boundaries.
 

username666

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^ so do you feel that Fe and Ni pull you in opposite directions? not just in and out, i mean, that dichotomy is a given, but towards/away from people? ... it sounds like you're kind of irritated with the "duties" of Fe - that it's just an act... so what if you just stopped acting?

Well after thinking it through I would say pretty much, yea it does.. To give you an example, I remember being this fun-loving happy go lucky type of kid who enjoyed the company of any and every person and to have a good time..very extroverted.

Then when I hit 19-20 all that seemed to change right away. I no longer was good at keeping up appearances with good buddies, drifted more and more into privacy, becoming more of a skeptic etc.. Basically the popular kid I knew myself to be vanished. Ni took over completely that the Fe lifestyle started becoming more.. umm.. I dont know how to put it.. meaningless? fake? Might not be the right words to use, but the point I was trying to make was that I had no fulfillment: my inner life lacked any substance.

After thinking this over, and you're right, I was indeed over thinking, I simply attribute it to growing up; growing into my secondary function.. Its not that I am against Fe now, its just that I need to make things right within myself (fixing my problem was to start introverting my feelings and develop more Fi )to go back to behaving the Fe way I enjoyed, but this time more authentically, like I really mean it.

So then when friends see me again its like I've changed. I seem more distant and cynical, but it's not because I'm too alone, but because I dont want to seem all happy and bubbly when I'm really not. That wouldn't solve anything for me, you know what i mean? Its easy to showoff and banter and make random jokes for the humor of it, but I'm taking a timeout from all that to find out meaningful things for me first.

I think this is just natural and everybody goes through things like that in their life, so I'm keeping a good mood about it. I find myself more humble, thoughtful, and enjoying the simple funny things to myself more and more. I don't talk to people about my problems or go to them with my issues coz I feel its a personal thing thats irrelevant to another. I'm telling you here because we all here understand theory of personality which has always really intrigued me and helped me with tremendous insights.

So, going back to sum up the answer to your question, yes Fe and Ni are very dichotomous in moving me away/towards people. One of the most surprising dichotomies I find is Fe-Ni..But I think once I master both in bringing them to function together in a healthy way I'll feel more complete as a whole.
 

username666

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I don't necessarily see that with ESFJs...there's a staunchness, earnestness, and transparency there that minimizes the feeling like you're being like they're holding back on you. ESFJs are rawer and more exposed than ENFJs. I feel like ESFJs will get real with you faster and with ENFJs you're more likely to encounter a walled garden that blocks off access. Maybe the walled garden is the melancholic privacy you're referring to, you realize you need that space but it conflicts with Fe wanting to have open borders.

Yes, PM. You hit it right on the nose with that last sentence. What I meant is the dichotomy of Fe-Si is really all that not as compicated, at least how I see it, compared to the Fe-Ni. Hence what I meant by Fe being suited for an S type.

I'll have you know, I'm quite jealous of S types. How easy things go for the SFs compared to the NFs; but I can't speak for all in this context, this is just my view. And if I'm wrong, well, Im still waiting for the Jung specialists to correct me. : )
 

JoSunshine

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I'm not a Jung specialist, but my sister and bf are both ESFJ's and I have to say I wouldn't trade with either of them. I would say their bounce-back abilities are stunning. They don't sit around and analyze a situation, try to figure out how to handle things "properly" or think to terribly much about the effects of their words. They just get what is ever bothering them off their chest (often times in an epic fashion) and move on. However, there seem to be some real down sides. They are mad about something all the time. If someone missteps, in their minds it is because that person doesn't give a damn, because if s/he did they wouldn't have done xyz. Since it is hard for them to step back and say,"hummm, this is out of character for this person, maybe there is something going on that I don't know about." I guess my point is they tend to take things much more personally. In identical situations they are much more likely to feel attacked than I do. I think it is possible that this might be a result of Fe-Si vs Fe-Ni.

The visible result is that they have lots of lows that they easily recover from by nipping whatever the "problem" is in the bud by saying or doing whatever they feel is necessary to fix the problem and then moving on. But there are oh so many problems to be had. I have far fewer "problems" and seem to effected less by the world at large, but when a problem arises I have to lament over it for days at a time, trying to figure out the best solution and considering all sides of an issue (there is also a lot of future thinking involved, how will the decision I make effect the future)...then I try to fix it.

It's funny, because like I said, I am really close to these two so obviously we have conflicts at times. If we have an argument, they will unload and say exactly what they are thinking. I invariably come back a day or two later and to talk to them about it...and they say, "are you still thinking about that?" I then explain that I needed time to consider their side and my side and I am now ready to talk calmly about it...which we do (usually).

But all and all, I actually think things are much easier for me because there are far fewer ups and downs in my life and I seem generally less effected by other people. Like I said, I am not an expert and this could just be the case with this particular ENFJ and those particular ESFJ's. You guys can tell me if you notice the same thing.
 
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