User Tag List

First 345

Results 41 to 48 of 48

Thread: NF love?

  1. #41
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by aelan View Post
    Both approaches have their flaws obviously. The F approach makes me nervous, I'd have to admit. It makes me wonder when love dies, would the person just walk. i.e. he sees no reason to be committed anymore. Whereas a T would keep their word, miserably, until an external catalyst comes to change the principle. I hope I'm wrong. But I don't know.
    The more T approach as you are describing it, has the benefit of not causing instability in ones material life, but to me, the idea that my partner might stay in our relationship plodding miserably along and my being blissfully unaware of it (because I'm still feeling the love and the T has not allowed their feelings to influence their actions) until some kind of external catalyst changes something, has got to be one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't help to fix it. I don't want my partner miserable ever. I want him to be as happy in our relationship as I am.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #42
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    6,276

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    The more T approach as you are describing it, has the benefit of not causing instability in ones material life, but to me, the idea that my partner might stay in our relationship plodding miserably along and my being blissfully unaware of it (because I'm still feeling the love and the T has not allowed their feelings to influence their actions) until some kind of external catalyst changes something, has got to be one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't help to fix it. I don't want my partner miserable ever. I want him to be as happy in our relationship as I am.
    I can attest to the fact that the scenario you describes sucks.

  3. #43
    ~dangerous curves ahead~
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    2,590

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    The more T approach as you are describing it, has the benefit of not causing instability in ones material life, but to me, the idea that my partner might stay in our relationship plodding miserably along and my being blissfully unaware of it (because I'm still feeling the love and the T has not allowed their feelings to influence their actions) until some kind of external catalyst changes something, has got to be one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't help to fix it. I don't want my partner miserable ever. I want him to be as happy in our relationship as I am.
    What if the fix consisted of breaking things off though?

    * I'm just exploring how NFs view love btw, I don't think any one way is right/wrong. Personally a balance between the two would be good for me -i.e. someone who's balanced on F and T.

  4. #44
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by aelan View Post
    What if the fix consisted of breaking things off though?

    * I'm just exploring how NFs view love btw, I don't think any one way is right/wrong. Personally a balance between the two would be good for me -i.e. someone who's balanced on F and T.
    I guess I don't believe that breaking things off is something that you do to fix a committed relationship until problems have gone unaddressed for a very long time. You give your partner the opportunity to change what isn't working and failing that, attempt to renegotiate the terms of the relationship in a way that better meets each partner's needs. Breaking off isn't fixing, it's breaking it the rest of the way.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #45
    ~dangerous curves ahead~
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    2,590

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I guess I don't believe that breaking things off is something that you do to fix a committed relationship until problems have gone unaddressed for a very long time. You give your partner the opportunity to change what isn't working and failing that, attempt to renegotiate the terms of the relationship in a way that better meets each partner's needs. Breaking off isn't fixing, it's breaking it the rest of the way.
    If only every one held this value dear, I'd feel a lot better about dating et al. You've put it very well, what faith in a partner is. Not blind commitment to a principle or a person, but one with opened eyes to yourself and the other.



    I guess it really isn't a type thing then, huh?

  6. #46
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by aelan View Post
    If only every one held this value dear, I'd feel a lot better about dating et al. You've put it very well, what faith in a partner is. Not blind commitment to a principle or a person, but one with opened eyes to yourself and the other.



    I guess it really isn't a type thing then, huh?
    I don't know. It's just what makes sense to me.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #47
    will make your day Carebear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    1,449

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    The more T approach as you are describing it, has the benefit of not causing instability in ones material life, but to me, the idea that my partner might stay in our relationship plodding miserably along and my being blissfully unaware of it (because I'm still feeling the love and the T has not allowed their feelings to influence their actions) until some kind of external catalyst changes something, has got to be one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. If I don't know there's a problem, I can't help to fix it. I don't want my partner miserable ever. I want him to be as happy in our relationship as I am.
    Well, even if he did stay in the relationship plodding miserably along, I don't think he'd leave you blissfully unaware of it. If anything the two modes (commitment to person vs commitment to principle) describes what it takes to end the commitment, but there should be a lot of communication from people following both modes before they bolted. The responsibility to communicate threats to the relationship is there no matter what constitutes a threat.
    I have arms for a fucking reaosn, so come hold me. Then we'll fuvk! Whoooooh! - GZA

  8. #48
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    694

    Default

    I don't date casually at all. I don't date people unless I truly see myself having a future with them. Jumping from relationship to relationship would be a waste of time for me. I don't think I will find love if I intentionally search for it. As mentioned in another thread, you don't set out a search for new friends, you just one day hit it off with someone and your suddenly BFF's. I believe love also works like this.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Enneagram 4w5 social

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] The need of telling your NF that you love it.. :D
    By entropie in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 09-17-2009, 11:49 PM
  2. [NF] Any NFs ever denied loving someone?
    By Charmed Justice in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: 07-28-2009, 07:38 AM
  3. [NF] NFs and unanswered love
    By Queen Kat in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 06-18-2009, 02:54 PM
  4. [MBTItm] Giving NFs some love
    By Poser in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 05-25-2009, 02:54 AM
  5. Replies: 29
    Last Post: 07-16-2007, 01:47 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO