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Thread: NF love?

  1. #11
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    Huh? Where the heck did you get that idea? You're way off.

    I'm 34. Until about year ago, I'd only ever loved one man. I'd loved him for 12 years, though he'd never loved me back. I tried and tried and tried to get over him, but how does one stop love?

    If anything, I have the opposite problem. The best I've found is that I can redirect love from a romantic nature to a friendship/brotherly nature. To stop loving entirely would be like carving out my heart.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ferrisbueller View Post
    I do think that you're describing ENF's here rather than INF's. The INFJ's and INFP's I know are very careful about who they love romantically but when they do get involved they do so very deeply. The reason we ENF's may declare profound love a little bit often is pretty simple: that's how we feel, we get very excited about relationships very quickly and I know that I'm very quick to apply the love label to a relationship. As for staying in bad relationships, NFs put a tremendous amount of work into making their interpersonal relationships work, and I think to an extent leaving that relationship is admitting failure. A lot of NFs tend to shoulder the blame for relationship problems, so we stay in bad relationships not because we are necessarily afraid to be alone, but because we feel like we are responsible for the relationship's flaws and we feel like we can fix them.
    Most of what you say about ENFs applies to me. Although, in the past my approach to bad relationships is different than you describe. I would lose interest and start to distance myself, but I wouldn't actually end it. I didn't want to deal with the conflict/emotion/etc. I used to string along a lot of girls, which I'm not exactly proud of. In the end, it made things worse (a big reason I'm not friends with most of my ex's). It's a behavior I think I've eliminated. Then again, I haven't been in that situation in quite a while...

    To answer the OP: The number of girls I've truly loved? One.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by sakuraba View Post
    to me is seems so flaky.

    if you can go from person to person proclaiming them all to be "the one true love of my life"

    and seems like the ysometimes FORCE themselves to "love" someone just for the sake of having someone... ie, would rather be in a bad relationship than be single and find someone they can have a good relationship with


    overall i dont get the NF when it comes to love and relationships
    can you guys help me out here...explain your views and such
    I'd say I'm almost the exact opposite of what you describe. 'Just for the sake of having someone' goes against my grain -- and if that were the case, I wouldn't be perpetually single and go years without being in a relationship.

    But yes, in one relationship I did try to convince myself of feelings I didn't truly have, for a variety of reasons, but I was miserable the whole time and I'll never do that again.

    Yep, check out the Passions thread.
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  4. #14
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    *grabs one of the open seats on the back of the bandwagon*

    Gonna have to agree with the majority here. I've spent more time single waiting for the right one than I did actually dating. It takes a lot for me to want to invest that time in a person, so I take my time trying to find out whether I even want to.

    I only had one bad relationship that I felt obligated to stay in, but not because I needed to be with someone, more for my son.

  5. #15
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I've attached to two people. TWO.

    Both of them took me years just to think of them without crying and wanting to explode.
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  6. #16
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    OK, I think maybe enough people have jumped on the original post now...!

  7. #17
    will make your day Carebear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geoff View Post
    OK, I think maybe enough people have jumped on the original post now...!
    True. Let's jump on this one instead. I disagree wholeheartedly with it.
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  8. #18
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carebear View Post
    True. Let's jump on this one instead. I disagree wholeheartedly with it.
    Oh, so do I!

  9. #19
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    That Geoff is such a post-jumper.
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  10. #20
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Sakuraba, do you mean that from your POV, it seems as though NF's are often more in love with the idea of being in love, than actually truly in love with the person?

    My experience says that can be the case with many types... it's often the case with young/immature people, generally. The ideal is pushed on us all so hard that lots of people (maybe more so females) are made to feel like they're a failure if they don't find their "one true love" and have a dream wedding etc, etc... They want to live the dream/ideal so bad that they convince themselves that someone who comes along, fits the part, when really they've just been sorta shoe-horned into it.

    I've been on the receiving end of an INFJ doing that to me, but I can say I've been as guilty of it in the past myself, and I'm definitely not an NF.
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