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  1. #1
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Unhappy INFJ woman with the blues lacks motivation

    I'm the INFJ woman in question So, the blues. They've come. And settled upon my life, due to tons of difficult situations in the past year that are littered all over this forum wherever relevant. Not what I'm asking about here.

    What do you do to regain motivation? I'm overwhelmed (not that I've been working particularly hard, I think that the aforementioned blues are just decreasing my capacity so much that any normal-person 40-hour week feels overwhelming). I have a very flexible, interesting, stimulating, and self-directed research position -- but as night approaches, I am dreading tomorrow. I don't want to wake up and deal with my deluge of e-mails, wading through data, etc. Is this the time where I take the morning off and go out and do something different / fun? I've read that sometimes when you're feeling totally overwhelmed, you should just take a break and try to remember what having fun feels like (though the blues inhibit this a lot).

    I also exercise a lot (weightlifting, hot yoga, aerobic stuff), and I'm getting help with the blues / life events, just in case.

  2. #2
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    Find a quiet spot and just drift off for a certain period of time -like an hour or two. This will at least take some of the edge off. I've been burned out too lately, so you have my sympathies.

  3. #3
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    If it won't mess anything else up, I'd definitely give yourself a morning off. I've found a little break from my day job, even though I don't work outside the home, helps me go back in with a good attitude, even if it's just taking myself out for lunch with a good book. All work and no play . . .
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #4
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    I assume that "getting help with the blues/life events" means you're seeing a psychiatrist? Definitely recommend getting evaluated for a mood disorder.

    Also, I'm not sure where you're located, but I find that I always get the blue in late October/early November as the days get noticeably shorter. If you think you may be susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder check out www.sunbox.com. My sunbox has made a huge difference.

  5. #5
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    @Cafe - What a good idea! I remember when I was in Seattle, I'd do lots of books + good coffee + alone time at lunch, and it really helped. And then I started doing it when I didn't "need" it.

    @Peguy - I hope you find a good antidote to your burnout!

    eclare: I assume that "getting help with the blues/life events" means you're seeing a psychiatrist? Definitely recommend getting evaluated for a mood disorder. If you think you may be susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder check out www.sunbox.com. My sunbox has made a huge difference.
    I'm seeing a psychologist, rather than psychiatrist, since I think much of this may be linked to events / beliefs / upbringing and not an underlying chemical imbalance.

    Also, is getting a full spectrum lightbulb the same as getting a light? Those seem a little cheaper / easier in that you don't have to rearrange your house quite as much.

    In general, I think I get burnt out fairly easily... how much work each day is ENOUGH? I still haven't been able to answer this for myself. 8 hours? 10 hours? Does that include meetings or not? I suppose I'm fairly achievement-driven and for that, more is better, but you do have to balance it with your personal life, happiness, and as cafe says, "all work and no play..."

  6. #6
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    This is along the lines of the mini book coffee break, just a little more intensive. It depends on several factors. (time, money, obligations to family and work)
    But You sound like you need a holiday, even just a weekend to yourself somewhere away from where you normally are.
    A change of scenery can do wonders in terms or shifting perspective and gaining new insights.

  7. #7
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
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    mochajava, I notice there isn't much mention of loving people around you. Do you have cherished people around you right now? Introverts, yes, but nothing can really warm us like another person who cares and is understanding and just rooting for you. I can float off in my own sad head space, not noticing how isolating I have become, while at the same time thinking hard about how isolated I am. And I find myself believing its always been that way. But a person who cares can help me shake that delusion.

    I'm rooting for you here. Please follow up.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    @Arclight - I am taking a bit of a change of scene for Thanksgiving. My schedule is flexible enough that I'll be gone for 1.5 weeks. I suppose I should start planning and looking forward to it... planning mostly so that I put myself on busy friend's calendars. Always good to see old friends...

    @Vasilisa - I really like your name! I've been meaning to tell you that since I read the myth about Vasilisa in Women Who Run With The Wolves . About your comment though, you may have hit the nail on the head? I've moved every 1-2 years since college, with stints of a few months here and there in between. I'm not the type of person who plunks down in a new location and has a group of friends. I'm slower, as I search for much closer connections. I'm surrounded by classmates (as a graduate student), people I work with, and my husband. So life isn't totally devoid of other human beings, but there's no one in my life on a day-to-day sort of basis that, well, understands and validates me. There's something about that type of relationship (being understood) that makes all the difference in the world. I had one INFJ friend like that last year, and we had that type of relationship, but she finished her degree and moved back to the country she was from... so I think I am looking for that now, maybe. Weirdly, these have all been INFJs (and INFPs) in my life! I don't think there is someone reaching out wondering how I'm doing though, except my husband, but his abilities to console / make me feel less alone are kind of limited because he doesn't really understand me (he's an INTJ). And his family is great, but they don't deal with topics of depth or feelings... more like what you ate and did today. Really loving people, but no deep conversations really. I kind of avoid them when I'm down, because they'll worry or wonder what's wrong with me... and I kind of don't blame them -- who would want their kid married to someone with "problems" (especially in a culture like mine, where it is so stigmatized)? So that's where I am with people... this is a hard subject for me to talk about, I think because I'm cut off from my family since last year.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Yes take a break! Sounds like you need one you might come back feeling rejuvenated <3. I was feeling the same way...I wish I would have taken a real vacation. I got so stressed out that I ended up quitting my job instead :|. But during the time that I was unemployed I did get a chance to take care of myself, it was a nice 1 month break lol, I got a chance to take care of all of my neglected relationships, car stuff, health, etc. The only shitty part is that I lost a really good job. So yes, take a nice vacation with some friends! It may do you some good .
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  10. #10
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eclare View Post
    I assume that "getting help with the blues/life events" means you're seeing a psychiatrist? Definitely recommend getting evaluated for a mood disorder.

    Also, I'm not sure where you're located, but I find that I always get the blue in late October/early November as the days get noticeably shorter. If you think you may be susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder check out www.sunbox.com. My sunbox has made a huge difference.
    I get the winter blues,too! I have a light box that tilts over my computer monitor, and a second one at a desk for when I am reading something. I have really noticed in the past few weeks that other people are getting tired and draggy, but I'm doing pretty well. It becomes quite noticeable when you are doing light therapy and the people around you aren't. I remember going into the post office one December, standing in a long line to mail packages. I was feeling pretty well mood-wise due to having started light therapy several months before, but the people in line were like zombies....tired and just dull, and lacking in any enthusiasm for life. It was such a stark contrast. Lightboxes FTW!

    Quote Originally Posted by mochajava View Post

    I'm seeing a psychologist, rather than psychiatrist, since I think much of this may be linked to events / beliefs / upbringing and not an underlying chemical imbalance.

    Also, is getting a full spectrum lightbulb the same as getting a light? Those seem a little cheaper / easier in that you don't have to rearrange your house quite as much.

    In general, I think I get burnt out fairly easily... how much work each day is ENOUGH? I still haven't been able to answer this for myself. 8 hours? 10 hours? Does that include meetings or not? I suppose I'm fairly achievement-driven and for that, more is better, but you do have to balance it with your personal life, happiness, and as cafe says, "all work and no play..."
    No, it's not the same. The lightboxes have a light diffusing screen over the bulbs to filter out the ultraviolet light wavelengths and distribute the light output more evenly. You basically just need to get more full-spectrum light coming in through your eyes, so reading a book with fairly white (not cream-colored) pages that will reflect the light from the box into your eyes is what you're aiming for. For people who are susceptible to getting the winter blues, the fatigue and lack of motivation can creep up on you before you realize it. If you are someone who is affected by the days getting shorter, light therapy will put a smile back on your face!

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