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  1. #1
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Default Do INFPs have an incessant need to please others?

    If so, why?
    Do INFPs want to please everyone or just some people?
    Is this something an INFP is compelled to do or can they choose not to please?

  2. #2
    Epiphany
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    No.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mask Manifest View Post
    No.
    Like your avitar. Thanks for the definitive response.

  4. #4
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Sorry, i have to go the other way and say yes. I feel highly driven to please others and i HATE feeling like i've disappointed someone. I'll work extra hours, try and spare people's feelings and generally put others ahead of me to make sure that they are getting what they need.

    i do all of this to the point of exhaustion, then get defiant and decide that i will please no one and become quite rude and belligerent to people.

    But i think that has more to do with my upbringing than my MBTI type.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  5. #5
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    When people are struggling/upset/don't get their way, they seem to get upset and create a conflict or at least some friction. This jeopardizes the peace, and I feel at odds with myself and the world. I have been working at maintaining my parents' marriage since I was a young child. I would get back-up gifts in case my father forgot their anniversary, listen to their problems with each other and give advice (if solicited), mediate their arguments, or I would use humor to cut the tension between them and redirect the conversation if it was heading towards a fight. I feel like the world needs to be placated.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    Sorry, i have to go the other way and say yes. I feel highly driven to please others and i HATE feeling like i've disappointed someone. I'll work extra hours, try and spare people's feelings and generally put others ahead of me to make sure that they are getting what they need.
    This really moves me but it also disheartens me as well. To work so hard to please others when many people really don't care or notice the effort you put into "pleasing." Don't you have to be selective in who you choose to please? How do you get what you need?

  7. #7
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    if INFPs do it would probably correspond to Fi reinforcing it based on agreement with the self. Not sure how Fe-users feel about this (or other Fi-users for that matter) but it always seemed like the avoidance of guilt caused the need to help others, not necessarily a drive to do so. For me anyway. Pleasing others is a matter all of its own. I've no desire to do that.

    edit: just read forever jung's post.

    I sometimes had a similar zeal. I'll expand on my post and say the desire to mediate and help others is to avoid any bad feelings. Tension, guilt, anger, sadness, etc.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    When people are struggling/upset/don't get their way, they seem to get upset and create a conflict or at least some friction. This jeopardizes the peace, and I feel at odds with myself and the world. I have been working at maintaining my parents' marriage since I was a young child. I would get back-up gifts in case my father forgot their anniversary, listen to their problems with each other and give advice (if solicited), mediate their arguments, or I would use humor to cut the tension between them and redirect the conversation if it was heading towards a fight. I feel like the world needs to be placated.
    Sorry if this sounds blunt - that's very thoughtful and kind of you but isn't it also painful or are you just doing what you feel you should or need to be doing?

    Snuggletron posted: if INFPs do it would probably correspond to Fi reinforcing it based on agreement with the self. Not sure how Fe-users feel about this (or other Fi-users for that matter) but it always seemed like the avoidance of guilt caused the need to help others, not necessarily a drive to do so. For me anyway. Pleasing others is a matter all of its own. I've no desire to do that.

    Yeah. I'm wondering how guilt plays a role here.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    No. *shudders*

    Regarding family, I would like my parents to be proud of me but that's not the most important or even near important thing to me. I would never compromise my self and my desires to appease/please them. Ever since I was young, I have been defiant and hot-tempered whenever I am pushed to do something I do not want, to believe in something I don't.

    Regarding academics/work environment, I don't go out of my way to please. I like good relations. I like to do things correctly, efficiently, as expected of me, but not more than that. I, of course, like to be praised and acknowledged if I do well, but I don't kiss ass.

    Regarding friends, I give as much as I take. I never give twice as much compared to what is given back to me. I am very careful about these things. This is as much my personality as much as how I grew up with a lot of criticism so I am always fighting for myself. People who go out of their way to please/appease others makes me want to vomit.

  10. #10
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Guilt plays a huge role in people pleasing for me. But like i said, my upbringing and parental issues play hugely into my desire to please, rather than my "type". Guilt was wielded like a sword in my household growing up, it was also an abusive and dangerous place to be in, so you learn that if you please people you''re less likely to incur someone's wrath.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


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