[ENFJ] How to spot an ENFJ a mile off

[Glycerine]

I know this thread is dead but...well...I got here a little late.

The one who takes classroom discussions to the next level, further than they have ever gone, every time. And gets everyone involved, stimulated, and leaving exhausted.

The one who gets everyone snort-laughing hysterically in staff mtg, including the program manager, then convinces him its for much needed team building.

The one who persuades the company's serious CEO to throw water balloons at the speaker(their boss) during a company training activity.

I do the exact same thing and when the enviroment gets way too serious, I make some ridiculous joke which tends to make the dicussion go downhill.

 

[proteanmix]

How do ENFJs cope with an emotionally heavy environment? How confident are you in your abilities to help yourself and others through dark paths and places?

 

[Afkan]

I do the exact same thing and when the enviroment gets way too serious, I make some ridiculous joke which tends to make the dicussion go downhill.

Sweet!

That's the key- Its about what the room needs. I know its arrogant to think I know what everyone needs, but when you walk into a room and can close to tactile-ly feel the general mood, ya gotta do somethin'!!!! If its 1) anything remotely negative, 2) stale, boring, or stagnant, or 3) too off track to be productive.

 

[Domino]

I do the exact same thing and when the environment gets way too serious, I make some ridiculous joke which tends to make the discussion go downhill.

Same here! I notice that Taco and I both do that. We'll throw out something completely bizarre to tip the balance.

Sweet!

That's the key- Its about what the room needs. I know its arrogant to think I know what everyone needs, but when you walk into a room and can close to tactile-y feel the general mood, ya gotta do somethin'!!!! If its 1) anything remotely negative, 2) stale, boring, or stagnant, or 3) too off track to be productive.

Well said. I was the social glue in my garage, and found pertinent ways to make things/people work together better, such as smoothing over rough spots between some of the guys who may not have liked each other very much. We didn't have to worry about too much stagnation with me there and also my instigating ENTP. Never a dull moment.

How do ENFJs cope with an emotionally heavy environment?

It's very punishing. I know what we've spoken of in private, and all I can say is that it's just going to be bad and to brace yourself the best way you know how. I've been boiled in darkness from the word "go", and I know more what it's like to get cornered than what it's like to be on the mountain top, but I will say this: you have to find the spots where the sun peaks through the storms, not because it's "good" for you or because you have act lobotomized, but because we as Fe primaries can get so burned out on relentless amounts of bad that we can go up in smoke.

The heaviness can take a huge toll. I lose all faith in mankind and in God and in the good forces of the world, and shut down. I have to spend a lot of time alone to clear my head, and erase, as much as I'm able, the marks left by the day before by listening to music or writing or speaking to a friend/safe person.

How confident are you in your abilities to help yourself and others through dark paths and places?

This is the mystical aspect of our type, and because of it, I had difficulty describing from whence this instinctive confidence comes from. When I meet people, 9 times out of 10, I immediately assess whether or not I'm able to help. I know when I can't, and start looking around for the person who can.

C. S. Lewis described in his book, 'The Problem of Pain', the indescribable "feeling" when one knows they're in the presence of something that has outstripped time, space and mortality. He said a person who's seen a tiger can be told "there's a tiger in the next room" and he'd feel fear, but the person who's never seen a tiger may only feel some sort of nebulous dread mixed with curiosity about the beast on the other side of the wall.

He also said it was the "numinous" or mystical quality hanging heavily in the air of very old places. I know what he means - I can feel all the previous humans who'd been there like a residue or raised impression; all have passed on but have not left the place. No one is dead to me. I tend to feel that way about my internal drive to 'mind meld' (forgive the term) or fuse with others.

It's that unknown tiger in the other room. It's that ascendant governless thing in the air. It's that voice that tells me that if only Time had a neck, I could snap it.

 

[Afkan]

How do ENFJs cope with an emotionally heavy environment? How confident are you in your abilities to help yourself and others through dark paths and places?

I personally am very comfortable meeting ppl in dark paths and places. As long as they are willing to be lead out. If they are not ready I don't mess with it. Its just not nice to do, to myself or to them.

I cope by either 1) brightening them or 2) leaving them.
I can hang around if needed to brighten an environment, ie take time, but I am not good at being patient. I tap my feet, metaphorically speaking.

Its my propeller that is the problem. Dang! I still can't find the switch to that thing!

 

[violet_crown]

I have been in love only once and it was with an incredibly handsome, clever, and immensely egocentric ENFj (who was a 3w2 for those who follow that). Let me say this to all my fellow NTs: approach with caution. You've probably read something about the "intense NT-NF connection", yeah that's a fuckin' understatement. From the moment I met the one I was involved with I felt an elemental magnetism, a never ending dance of attraction and repulsion. I've never loved anyone so passionately nor hated anyone so violently nor both all at once.

The ENFj is that guy. You know, women love and and men want to be him. He's the guy that can make anyone feel like they're the most fascinating person that ever lived. The one that knows everyone, seems to know a lot about everything, and has been damn near everywhere. Theyre wonderful storytellers. Disarmingly charming. One of the earlier posters said that you can feel 'em more than see 'em, and that's the whole truth. The boy had charisma for days.

They're a whole different kind of animal. And I emphasize the word animal. Feeling types are dangerous because they operate in what seems to be a parallel universe that is both rationally inaccessible, and more effectively correct than any T could get at on their best day. ENFjs are willful manipulators. You'll find yourself in a situation where they've convinced a whole room that up=down, and even if you know that that's not true if everyone else feels it in their hearts that its right, you'll quickly find yourself the crazy one. ("But the ENFj says so. He's such a great guy; he'd never lie. And that NTs always been weird and arrogant anyways...") Never try to beat one at their own game. You. Will. Lose.

That said, at the end of the day theres a certain level on which they are weak. They desperately need the approval of others. The one I was involved with and ones I've met subsequently have had a element of self-loathing to them thats kinda sad. They don't understand when you move on from them (who'd dare?!?!). Theyre a baffling, maddening, mysterious kind of wonderful.

 

[Glycerine]

Same here! I notice that Taco and I both do that. We'll throw out something completely bizarre to tip the balance.

I was in a class and we were talking about our worst fears being realized, I threw out something random and we ended up talking about the good feeling of morphine.

EDIT: This may sound fake but do you guys tend to keep a smile on your face the whole time and say "it's all good" when you're feeling the complete opposite and then somehow convince people that you are fine, just to explode later?

 

[Afkan]

I was in a class and we were talking about our worst fears being realized, I threw out something random and we ended up talking about the good feeling of morphine.

EDIT: This may sound fake but do you guys tend to keep a smile on your face the whole time and say "it's all good" when you're feelig the complete opposite and then somehow convince people that you are fine, just to explode later?

By "you guys" do you mean "ENFJs"? I do.

 

[Glycerine]

By "you guys" do you mean "ENFJs"? I do.

haha, yes, I meant ENFJs.... I was still questioning my ENFJness. XNFJ for sure, lol.

 

[yenom]

I don't know how to respond to these NF threads. Because somehow they seem to be speaking a foreign language. So I am just going to give a hug to show my appreciation.

 

[FC3S]

I can spot an ENFJ in the wild from one glaring and obvious trait - they never speak of themselves directly. They use other people to speak for them. They put others up on pedestals to be judged positively or negatively (only type I know that does this), and fly off the hinge. Sadly, I'm only accustomed to the negative traits of ENFJs.

 

[Glycerine]

I can spot an ENFJ in the wild from one glaring and obvious trait - they never speak of themselves directly. They use other people to speak for them. They put others up on pedestals to be judged positively or negatively (only type I know that does this), and fly off the hinge. Sadly, I'm only accustomed to the negative traits of ENFJs.

I have done this in the past. I am sorry that you had to go through that.

 

[Domino]

I was in a class and we were talking about our worst fears being realized, I threw out something random and we ended up talking about the good feeling of morphine.

EDIT: This may sound fake but do you guys tend to keep a smile on your face the whole time and say "it's all good" when you're feeling the complete opposite and then somehow convince people that you are fine, just to explode later?

I'll do that if someone has brutally knocked me sideways. This has happened to me more than once in very public places, and the verbal nastiness was enough to take my breath away.

I don't know how to respond to these NF threads. Because somehow they seem to be speaking a foreign language. So I am just going to give a hug to show my appreciation.

aw, back atcha!

I can spot an ENFJ in the wild from one glaring and obvious trait - they never speak of themselves directly.

Don't relate.

They use other people to speak for them.

Don't relate.

They put others up on pedestals to be judged positively or negatively (only type I know that does this), and fly off the hinge. Sadly, I'm only accustomed to the negative traits of ENFJs.

If I judged every ESTP I met by the one who made my life a hideous living hell I would never get anywhere.

 

[FC3S]

If I judged every ESTP I met by the one who made my life a hideous living hell I would never get anywhere.

Judging another has no bearing on how I get places. Keywords - You're life, not mine and I don't give a damn.

 

[Domino]

Judging another has no bearing on how I get places. Keywords - You're life, not mine and I don't give a damn.

You know, I've been nothing but civilized to you since you got here. Thanks for the bad attitude.

 

[ENFJ_Catholic]

FWIW, I think the judging needs to stop. I think it's bunk to begin with. Everyone examine the beam in your eye, remove it...and then when you have it out and your vision back to normal...come back and act civil. :hi:

 

[Scott N Denver]

"I am the warrior...Victory is mine" Did I get that 80's tune right?

If I may jump in here, how would INFP's compare in these regards? We are Dom F NF's too, and also can "heal people's souls" too. Apparently we are tougher on the insides as well, which one would expect to help for the things being discussed.

.."Victory is mine" 80's flashback over, now.

It's very punishing. I know what we've spoken of in private, and all I can say is that it's just going to be bad and to brace yourself the best way you know how. I've been boiled in darkness from the word "go", and I know more what it's like to get cornered than what it's like to be on the mountain top, but I will say this: you have to find the spots where the sun peaks through the storms, not because it's "good" for you or because you have act lobotomized, but because we as Fe primaries can get so burned out on relentless amounts of bad that we can go up in smoke.

The heaviness can take a huge toll. I lose all faith in mankind and in God and in the good forces of the world, and shut down. I have to spend a lot of time alone to clear my head, and erase, as much as I'm able, the marks left by the day before by listening to music or writing or speaking to a friend/safe person.



This is the mystical aspect of our type, and because of it, I had difficulty describing from whence this instinctive confidence comes from. When I meet people, 9 times out of 10, I immediately assess whether or not I'm able to help. I know when I can't, and start looking around for the person who can.

C. S. Lewis described in his book, 'The Problem of Pain', the indescribable "feeling" when one knows they're in the presence of something that has outstripped time, space and mortality. He said a person who's seen a tiger can be told "there's a tiger in the next room" and he'd feel fear, but the person who's never seen a tiger may only feel some sort of nebulous dread mixed with curiosity about the beast on the other side of the wall.

He also said it was the "numinous" or mystical quality hanging heavily in the air of very old places. I know what he means - I can feel all the previous humans who'd been there like a residue or raised impression; all have passed on but have not left the place. No one is dead to me. I tend to feel that way about my internal drive to 'mind meld' (forgive the term) or fuse with others.

It's that unknown tiger in the other room. It's that ascendant governless thing in the air. It's that voice that tells me that if only Time had a neck, I could snap it.

 

[Glycerine]

They are both good but in different ways. I would say that the INFP would be better at comforting because of the personal Fi. INFPs are usually much better at keeping their emotions at bay but from what I have heard from other INFPs IRL, I am usually quicker at picking up on other people's tensions and feel them more intensely but INFPs seem to know how to deal with the tension with much more ease than I do. I think it's more of an individual thing. My INFP mother does not get as effected I do while my INFP friend is one of moodiest people I know. Both are hypersensitive to things (Feeling-wise) but manifest it in different ways. I would say that neither is tougher than the other, they are just DIFFERENT. It's not fun to be around exploding Fe doms nor the intense moody vibe of an Fi dom. Both can be really scary!

In short, ENFJs are probably good at changing the general mood in the room vs. INFPs who are much better at consoling others with the personal Fi.

 

[FC3S]

You know, I've been nothing but civilized to you since you got here. Thanks for the bad attitude.

I never asked you to be civil, in fact, I think it's insulting to lie and act nice. Perhaps some of us like to be insulted - I do.

All the same, I'm happy to serve. If you would like more insults, witty remarks, cheap shots and otherwise, my contact info is on my profile.

 

[Domino]

I never asked you to be civil, in fact, I think it's insulting to lie and act nice. Perhaps some of us like to be insulted - I do.

All the same, I'm happy to serve. If you would like more insults, witty remarks, cheap shots and otherwise, my contact info is on my profile.

First of all, I'm not "acting" anything.

Second, insulting people isn't more "real" than being nice.