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[ENFJ] How to spot an ENFJ a mile off

CocoB

New member
Joined
May 25, 2010
Messages
34
MBTI Type
ENFP
As a female ENFJ i can relate to alot of things in this post, especially the random noises and always being the life of every party or whatever get together i'm at on that day...
What i will say about being a female ENFJ, is that my being able to focus my attention on people (especially the males) is sometimes a blessing and a curse... It usually ends in majority of my male friends taking an interest in me and wanting to take things to the 'next level"..... When this first began happening to me, i was always lost and confused like "WHAT!? Where did that come from?" or me feeling some sort of way... Now that i am older and i look back and even now... i can see how my flirting and sexual induendos could lead a person to the conclusion that i was interested in them. It is easy for me now to see how i can manipulate a person into feeling some kind of way or feeling the way that i want them to feel about something. And, it is because of that.. that i now realize that a bad ENFJ is a REAL THREAT!!

As far as characteristic's here are a few:
Big smiles or a michevious grin that is always there.
Always willing to encourage and see the good in others.
Always excited and enthusiastic about the future!
Huge flirt without even knowing it sometimes, mixed in with sexual induendos.
Always the life of the party.
Always has a story to tell with over-embellished characteristics for your entertainment.
Extremely forgiving and understanding of others and their situations.
Has a knack for knowing how others feel or think withouth them even saying
.....
And those are just a FEW!!
I love being an ENFJ, i sometimes get the feeling that people don't always "get" me... and that's ok and sometimes that is exactly what i am aiming for. I even sometimes get the feeling that people are drawn to me because of that ; )
I love it!!
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w5
What i will say about being a female ENFJ, is that my being able to focus my attention on people (especially the males) is sometimes a blessing and a curse... It usually ends in majority of my male friends taking an interest in me and wanting to take things to the 'next level"..... When this first began happening to me, i was always lost and confused like "WHAT!? Where did that come from?" or me feeling some sort of way... Now that i am older and i look back and even now... i can see how my flirting and sexual induendos could lead a person to the conclusion that i was interested in them. It is easy for me now to see how i can manipulate a person into feeling some kind of way or feeling the way that i want them to feel about something. And, it is because of that.. that i now realize that a bad ENFJ is a REAL THREAT!!

I've had this happen to me consistently over the past 10 years.
ENFJ concern, encouragement, and general friendliness is easily misconstrued due to the focus we will put on the people we care about. This isn't to say that other types don't focus on others, but we tend to be far more expressive and proactive about it than other types. We involve our feelings ten fold and embrace fully. This is exceptionally bad when we have no awareness of our doing that and what it can be construed as, as you've learned :yes:.
I think it's one of our biggest faults at times, but it's why we need to be direct and aware in our interactions.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
When you realize this extreme amount of concentrated energy is occuring towards others how do you adjust your behavior? Do you completely stop everything in order to reorganize, or do you ask if you are being too forward? Actually I think I have a better question. Do you address this issue when you feel that you have crossed the line, or when the other person feels you have crossed the line?
 

Rainne

One day and the next
Joined
Mar 7, 2010
Messages
875
MBTI Type
ISTP
When it feels like they have a plan for you.
 

CocoB

New member
Joined
May 25, 2010
Messages
34
MBTI Type
ENFP
When you realize this extreme amount of concentrated energy is occuring towards others how do you adjust your behavior? Do you completely stop everything in order to reorganize, or do you ask if you are being too forward? Actually I think I have a better question. Do you address this issue when you feel that you have crossed the line, or when the other person feels you have crossed the line?
When i realize that my energy and focus is being misread or taken in the wrong way.. I will react based upon the behavior of the person whom i am focusing on. For instance if i see that they are taking my flirting seriously, i will try to withdrawl a little with my flirting manner... Or if i see that they are feeling insulted, i will retreat and resell : ) I will never fully back out of a situation and i think that is because of my Fe.... And i say this because i would feel guilty backing out, and i will began to wonder how i made the person i was focusing on feel. ENFJ's always address the issue... We won't feel complete until we do.
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w5
When you realize this extreme amount of concentrated energy is occuring towards others how do you adjust your behavior? Do you completely stop everything in order to reorganize, or do you ask if you are being too forward? Actually I think I have a better question. Do you address this issue when you feel that you have crossed the line, or when the other person feels you have crossed the line?

The only time i stop everything is if i feel the exerted energy is compromising my own core. It's like an auto-shutout to assess what is going on, why, and how to work back to a proper level. It's likely the only time it occurs because the ENFJ core is what we hold dear in ourselves and what only the most trusted and worthy get to witness.
Apart from that, it just slows and there would likely be a direct questioning if we can't Fe-Ni it out ourselves. We'll accommodate for the give and take once we are aware of it. Personally, i am pretty damn direct and would make it known about what was going on, whilst verifying it with the other person.
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
2,126
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
So I had some cool moments at work recently, where people leveled real honest about how they couldnt "figure me out". I was everything and nothing at the same time. I am mean sometimes, but in that "hes actually just a nice guy pulling ur leg" way. I'm super organized, but at the same time someone who has a flair of "improvisation" when on any sort of "center stage". I'm loud enough that I could never slip into oblivion, but at the same time I'm "mysterious". You think you have me pigeon holed, but suddenly I'll be in a convo and find something in common with someone else which goes against other pigeon holed stuff about me.

In general, they basically called me a chameleon. I think this is a much better descriptor of an ENFJ than the "jesus christ superstar" ENFJ descriptions.

Essentially, an ENFJ is the only NF who is of a directing and initiating nature (we care, but we're going to tell you how! :D). We are the only J who is affilaitive and motive oriented over actual "structure" (we like being organized, but its more about organizing our "visions"). We like to categorize and organize how we perceive others morale, relation to us, and energy.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
So I had some cool moments at work recently, where people leveled real honest about how they couldnt "figure me out". I was everything and nothing at the same time. I am mean sometimes, but in that "hes actually just a nice guy pulling ur leg" way. I'm super organized, but at the same time someone who has a flair of "improvisation" when on any sort of "center stage". I'm loud enough that I could never slip into oblivion, but at the same time I'm "mysterious". You think you have me pigeon holed, but suddenly I'll be in a convo and find something in common with someone else which goes against other pigeon holed stuff about me.

In general, they basically called me a chameleon. I think this is a much better descriptor of an ENFJ than the "jesus christ superstar" ENFJ descriptions.

Essentially, an ENFJ is the only NF who is of a directing and initiating nature (we care, but we're going to tell you how! :D). We are the only J who is affilaitive and motive oriented over actual "structure" (we like being organized, but its more about organizing our "visions"). We like to categorize and organize how we perceive others morale, relation to us, and energy.
haha, my dad and others consider me type A to the max and others view me as open, flexible, and laid back. Some view me as very emotional, illogical but others view me as analytical, cerebral, detached. Some view me as very detail oriented/ nitpicky while others view me as a complete space cadet. The list can go on for days. I guess it depends on who/what I am compared to and the circumstances.
 
Joined
Feb 5, 2011
Messages
81
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Don't try to spot an ENFJ...we're called 'chameleons' for a reason. You'll be gazing around yourself trying to spot an ENFJ...with no success...and then suddenly you'll realize that there is one of 'us' just behind you, working our 'magic' on you - and before you know it, you'll be hooked :) Hopefully :devil:
 
O

Oberon

Guest
And for Chrissakes: DO NOT EVER TELL AN ENFJ TO CALM DOWN!! I've rent people asunder over this.

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Twinkle

New member
Joined
Mar 23, 2014
Messages
1
MBTI Type
ENFJ
In answer to your first question about spotting an ENFJ. As ENFJ's are described as chameleons, you would be a little hard pressed to single out one particular behaviour, unless you have been close to one before and see similarities; you could find them swearing like a sailor and drinking moonshine in a gritty pub with the locals, then sipping champagne with bluebloods and then smiling angelically while lighting the candle in church, and would seem quite comfortable with each context (as long as they were reflecting an honest part of themselves).

But there is one little sign that might help you spot the ENFJ.

At a party look for the person who seems to be getting things going, who is talking to people easily and encouraging other people to talk, and then once the room is 'happening' watch them dissappear! This might take the form of escaping to the bathroom, going for a solitary stroll at midnight, or quietly slipping off home.

I have spoken to numerous other ENFJs and we al do the same thing, especially when we are hosting a party. I have even known of one ENFJ woman who would hide in her closet to have a break from people!

The reasoning is thus (in my opinion) - an ENFJ will tune into people especially if the room is not-happening ir someone is awkward/needing encouragement. They will put a lot of energy into tuning into everyone, getting the vibe going, enjoy the intimacy then complely burn-out!Unfortunately, this is usually the point in the night where everyone has decided they love the person and they are their best friend (because the ENFJ helped them feel that way in the beginning!) Hence the need to escape. It is too late to become a gentle wallflower and sip a whisky quietly!

So now, when I make a new friend/workmate, and I can feel very close to them and then find they disappear a little - that is when I know, and i have been right so far in nearly every case. It can be confusing for people because the ENFJ hasn't stopped liking you or whatever, they have just had enough of taking everyone in.

I hope that makes some sense!

Also, if you do end up with an ENFJ, they bounce back really well from quality time alone. Usually with roses, music and as thousand new ideas...



I

My god. I filled in a registration and joined this website just to tell you that I am absolutely FLOORED by your post. I am an ENFJ and I DO THIS. I thought I was weird and anti-social and a lunatic. Unbelievable. The question is, what can we do to stop hiding in the bathroom?!?!?!?!
 

Forever

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
8,551
MBTI Type
NiFi
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
the charisma will hit you from 2 miles away- so don't bother with trying to SPOT one per se- just try for the FEEL of one :dry:

You are dead on correct.

This thread is a blessing.

 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
And for Chrissakes: DO NOT EVER TELL AN ENFJ TO CALM DOWN!! I've rent people asunder over this.

Yep. Telling us to relax, calm down, etc. will at best result in us shouting "I AM CALM". When I am pissed or worked up it's gonna come out and telling me to stop will likely cause you to receive all of the ire for a short period :D.

--------

One of the best ways to spot an ENFJ is to look for flair hyperbolic displays and dramatics.
 

Tilt

Active member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
2,584
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3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
One of the best ways to spot an ENFJ is to look for flair hyperbolic displays and dramatics.

So true, I either dress grubby or really dressy with bold makeup/lipstick. I enjoy getting a rise out of people in fun, little ways. ;)
 

smile123

New member
Joined
Mar 17, 2017
Messages
2
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Hmm... how to spot an ENFJ?

Look for the 'cheerleader' of the group, the person who is encouraging everyone, trying to help friends network with each other to attain their own professional goals, etc. Then once small talk has settled in and there is no other visible way to 'help someone attain their goals', watch the ENFJ disappear to somewhere else:)

ENFJs fortunately or fortunately see themselves as save-the-world-types, so dating one might seem a bit exhausting if you don't have the same priority

Source? I'm an ENFJ woman dating a ENFP :)
 

geedoenfj

The more you know..
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
3,347
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Spreading love, giving hugs :shrug:
 
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