punishing. I know what we've spoken of in private, and all I can say is that it's just going to be bad and to brace yourself the best way you know how. I've been boiled in darkness from the word "go", and I know more what it's like to get cornered than what it's like to be on the mountain top, but I will say this: you have to find the spots where the sun peaks through the storms, not because it's "good" for you or because you have act lobotomized, but because we as Fe primaries can get so burned out on relentless amounts of bad that we can go up in smoke.
The heaviness can take a huge toll. I lose all faith in mankind and in God and in the good forces of the world, and shut down. I have to spend a lot of time alone to clear my head, and erase, as much as I'm able, the marks left by the day before by listening to music or writing or speaking to a friend/safe person.
This is the mystical aspect of our type, and because of it, I had difficulty describing from whence this instinctive confidence comes from. When I meet people, 9 times out of 10, I immediately assess whether or not I'm able to help. I know when I can't, and start looking around for the person who can
C. S. Lewis described in his book, 'The Problem of Pain', the indescribable "feeling" when one knows they're in the presence of something that has outstripped time, space and mortality. He said a person who's seen a tiger can be told "there's a tiger in the next room" and he'd feel fear, but the person who's never seen a tiger may only feel some sort of nebulous dread mixed with curiosity about the beast on the other side of the wall.
He also said it was the "numinous" or mystical quality hanging heavily in the air of very old places. I know what he means - I can feel all the previous humans who'd been there like a residue or raised impression; all have passed on but have not left the place. No one is dead to me. I tend to feel that way about my internal drive to 'mind meld' (forgive the term) or fuse with others.
It's that unknown tiger in the other room. It's that ascendant governless thing
in the air. It's that voice that tells me that if only Time had a neck, I could snap it.