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  1. #1
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Default ENFP/INFP relationship

    That flip of the E/I seems to bode badly for relationships. I was married to an INFP. It was a nightmare on wheels. We had a lot in common but I could never reach the depths of her emotions and she was always complaining that I 'invalidated her perspective' because she would express emotions about situations that were strong and deep I couldn't relate at all, and as we were married, we had to deal with these situations in some kind of compromising way, but that was impossible, because to compromise meant she had to deny the depth of her feeling about something, and I would have to accept her (to my mind) overly-extreme feeling about it. It wasn't enough to simply acknowledge to her that I understood she was feeling this thing, I had to accept that her feeling about it was the right one, and act accordingly. Usually this meant ending friendships that I didn't want to end. She would 'pick up' on some aspect of the friendship that triggered a strong emotion and as a couple we could no longer be friends with that person. I had to endure her anger if I wanted to continue the friendship. This happened repeatedly. Her phrase was 'I have alarm bells about so-and-so.'

    Anyone else been in a bad INFP/ENFP match?

  2. #2
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    My deepest connecting and most compelling relationships to date, romantic or not, have been with ENFPs. They can get as bad as they can good admittedly.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  3. #3
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    ^ true for anyone though, no? video game wisdom (kingdom hearts): "the closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes."

    i was in a relationship with a very P-heavy INFP. it was wonderful, actually, except for the fact that i was the more practical one... eventually it weighed really heavily on me, trying to be the more J-ish and more Fe-ish one in the relationship. i had to be our consistent ambassador to the outside world, and that was stressful. i also had to remember to do things like pay bills... that was even harder... plus i was always the one who had to initiate things. like, he would want to do stuff, and would talk about it, but he wouldn't take concrete steps to make it happen. i had to plan things if i ever wanted them to get done. and i'm good at planning, thankfully...

    it was just strange because for as much as we just liked cuddling on the couch and playing video games - in other words, for two people so lazy - i felt like i had to put so much energy in all the time.

  4. #4
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    "the closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes."
    not true if the light source is larger than you
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  5. #5
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    ^ true for anyone though, no? video game wisdom (kingdom hearts): "the closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes."

    i was in a relationship with a very P-heavy INFP. it was wonderful, actually, except for the fact that i was the more practical one... eventually it weighed really heavily on me, trying to be the more J-ish and more Fe-ish one in the relationship. i had to be our consistent ambassador to the outside world, and that was stressful. i also had to remember to do things like pay bills... that was even harder... plus i was always the one who had to initiate things. like, he would want to do stuff, and would talk about it, but he wouldn't take concrete steps to make it happen. i had to plan things if i ever wanted them to get done. and i'm good at planning, thankfully...

    it was just strange because for as much as we just liked cuddling on the couch and playing video games - in other words, for two people so lazy - i felt like i had to put so much energy in all the time.
    That sounds like you were the more mature of the two of you.

    Most of my close friends were INFPs in highschool. We never really had problems other than me looking for accomplices in extrovert trouble making. I tended to overwhelm them with my deep thoughts about. ...everything. I was in full crusade mode and nothing was "happy" everything was "the socio-political structure of our times".

    Edit: But in highschool I did test as an INTP.
    Last edited by Vamp; 11-10-2010 at 04:24 PM. Reason: wrong smiley
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  6. #6
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP
    not true if the light source is larger than you
    ! good point

    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp
    That sounds like you were the more mature of the two of you.
    maybe? i dunno. i think he was more mature about not making conflict when it could be avoided otherwise, not calling others out and whatnot... he was almost 4 years older than me, though, so the maturity thing just sounds strange to hear, you know?

    But in highschool I did test as an INTP.
    high Te?

  7. #7
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Well, if it makes you feel better, nothing in your post makes me believe you were the more mature of the two.

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