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  1. #11
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    Thanks again. You are a total rockstar.

    One thing that I hope will be helpful is that my preference for F over T is relatively small. Back in my early twenties I would occassionally test as INTJ, and looking back I think my preference for Fe really didn't start to show until I was in college. Even then it took me several years to actually recognize that as a preference - I definitely tended to think of myself as a detached and "rational" decision-maker. Turns out I was just really good at rationalizing. Anyway, my point is that even if it's not my preference, it is at least one that I understand pretty well.

  2. #12
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    That will make a world of difference!

  3. #13
    Member kccrush's Avatar
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    Fidelia, that was super interesting how you broke out the pros and cons of dating an ESTJ. Thank you. I could relate somewhat to it from an experience I had dating an ENTP, but mainly because of the E and T functions, I think. I was wondering if you had ever done a similar pros and cons list on dating an INFJ? Of course, we are INFJs, but the way you wrote and the exactness of the perspectives, I think, could be helpful to us. I thought maybe you had done some sort of post like that in the past and could direct me to it? If not, no worries. In my head, I am familiar with the many strengths and weaknesses of us in love :_)

  4. #14
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eclare View Post
    I recently started seeing this guy, and I am already totally crazy about him. Problem is, he's an ENTJ, and typical of his type, is busy all the damn time. When we do get to spend time together, I have 100% of his attention, which makes me feel like a million bucks. Unfortunately, that time is pretty limited by his hectic schedule (and to be fair, mine too), and he's not great at doing little things to let me know that he's still thinking about me.
    This sounds like my new love-interest! Very much so! I'm mostly enjoying it although I'm really wondering if it will work out ...

  5. #15
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't think I have done anything like that on INFJs, other than the Common Issues thread, which does address some of the places where we puzzle people or misunderstandings tend to occur. Since getting involved with this site, I've seen that there are several flavours of INFJ - e5s tend to be more detached and need more peace and quiet to get work done, e4s sometimes are a little moodier and sometimes have more social anxiety, e1s are kind of driven...and then you throw in their instinctual variants like social, sexual or self-preservation and that changes it up again. I think there are some commonalities we all have in how we approach the world, but then there's enough branching off that I wouldn't feel confident that I was talking about anything more than my own experiences for sure.

  6. #16
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    From the website tortoise cited in the other ENTJ thread:

    ENTJ + INFJ compatibility, relationships
    Even though it’s not an absolutely ideal matchup, the ENTJ – INFJ mix has a lot of potential. INFJ personality types are usually a bit more rational and logical than other feeling types (especially SF types) and that is a quality ENTJs are sure to admire. However, INFJs are also quite sensitive to criticism and conflict, which the ENTJ sees as a normal part of life, so obviously some adjustments will have to be made in order for this relationship to work.

    As friends...

    ENTJ – INFJ friendships usually function well. INFJs generally admire the ENTJs straightforwardness, intelligence and responsibility. In the relationship the INFJ takes on a role of an advisor for the ENTJ, providing thoughtful counsel when it’s needed. One possible stumbling block though is that ENTJs will not always be open to being influenced by the INFJ because they generally try to minimize the effect of emotions on their decision making process. Nonetheless, if the ENTJ learns to bite the tongue and avoid unnecessary arguments and conflict, this commitment can develop into a lifelong friendship that can expose both these types to a truly different perspective on life.

    At work...

    If the ENTJ is in charge things usually go very smooth at the workplace. INFJs are usually responsible and organized people who have no trouble working with schedules and deadlines, and the ENTJ will appreciate that. All the INFJ will want is a little freedom in performing the given task and the ENTJ has no problem giving them that freedom as long as the task gets done on time. However, there can be problems when the situation is reversed. The ENTJ might find the INFJs procedures and methods inefficient; he or she might object too much and conflict may arise. But in truth this depends a lot on what goals are the striving for and do they both want to get to the same place. Intuitive people will have trouble following anyone if they don’t agree fully with him or her.

    In romantic relationships...

    The ENTJ will usually end up leading and they will both like it at first but the ENTJ might soon get bored with getting no challenge back and the INFJ might start to quietly resent the fact that he/she isn’t involved or listened to in making decisions. This problem arises because the INFJs decision making function, extroverted feeling, is the last function on the ENTJs priority list. The ENTJ has to make a big effort to listen to this function and the INFJ must become more direct and speak up because sometimes ENTJs will not understand little unsaid cues that INFJs expect to be understood. This advice applies to any relationship; the more direct and truthful you can be with your partner the better relationship you will have.

    Possible stumbling blocks:

    - ENTJ being too critical and blunt
    - INFJ being vague/unclear about what they want
    - ENTJ not listening to extroverted feeling because it’s their blindspot
    - INFJ being too sensitive to criticism, or holding back part of themselves
    - ENTJ forgetting to show acts of thoughtfulness and appreciation every once in a while, because of being too caught up in their work (INFJs need to know they’re loved)
    - INFJ having expectations that are too high or too idealistic

    As you see there are many gaps and things to work on in this relationship but the hard work is worth it. Both individuals can become more balanced and complete persons if they decide to go for this ride.

  7. #17
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Oh yeah - I haven't written anything on INFJs and dating, other than a little about common frustrations that other types have with us in the Common INFJs Issues thread. That may be useful to you, I don't know. I think that there are a lot of subtypes of INFJs and I realize that I'm a little bit different in some ways than a lot of the INFJs I've talked to here (less alone time, more social). I think some of that may have to do with being a teacher and also having social instinctual variant first in enneagram, so I'm less confident that I could write something that would be accurate generally.

  8. #18
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    If the ENTJ is an 8w9, many of these issues become less glaring.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    If the ENTJ is an 8w9, many of these issues become less glaring.
    This I have no idea about. I cannot for the life of me figure out enneagrams. Every time I try to test myself I am all over the map.

  10. #20
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    What results have you gotten?

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