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Thread: INFJ shifting to INTP?

  1. #11
    Senior Member Array cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    INFj None


    It does sort of sound like she isn't healed up enough for a relationship yet.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #12
    Junior Member Array
    Join Date
    Nov 2010


    Fidelia, what you said is so meaningful that I'll need some time to process and absorb it.
    I have one more month to spend here with her... then I have my flight back home... and then who knows what will happen.
    We share the same interests online, we're users of the same games, social networks and communities... we're a lot of stuff that keeps us close.
    I don't know what will happen... I guess I'll see.

    I know I don't give up easily. I know I don't want to regret to leave... and especially when my heart is sort-of-commanding me to stay.
    It's prolly true that she's not ready for a relationship, but hope is keeping me go in this, and instict.
    I feel she needs time, I feel I didn't give her space to process all of this and that I forced her to speed up - of course causing the opposite effect.
    I'm sort of fixing the damage previously made.
    I'm being very low-maintanaince now, trying to give her space and room to touch her feelings again, - cos all is telling me that this 'smothering' her caused her to lose touch with them.
    That she panicked when she literally realized she wasn't feeling.
    And she panicked even more when she realized that I was hurting.
    She's veeeery sensitive to guilt.

    I'm confused now, I'm processing so much... but thanks again for the in-depth responses about this

  3. #13
    Emerging Array Tallulah's Avatar
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    Feb 2008


    In response to the cave thing, which I have experienced before, as well, I'll add this. I think if you were getting affection, validation, confirmation from her, you wouldn't mind her retreating to her cave every once in a while. But since you're not, you (probably rightly) sense that she's not as invested as you are, and is questioning whether she wants to be with you. So it's hard to tell whether she's retreating to be alone with her thoughts or retreating because she doesn't want to spend as much time with you as you do with her. It might not be normal retreating, and you sense that. But it might be that she just needs a looooot more time to decide how she feels about you, whereas you were ready to be with her from the beginning.
    Something Witty

  4. #14
    Junior Member Array
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    Nov 2010


    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    But it might be that she just needs a looooot more time to decide how she feels about you, whereas you were ready to be with her from the beginning.
    This reminds me of something else.
    Since - as INFJs - we're able to sense 'potential' in people around us... and we work with them to unblock this potential and see them bloom... I'm wondering if sometimes we can confuse the "present" with the "future".
    For instance. I know that I felt a connection with her long before she got ready to accept it and open up to me.
    It happened right after meeting her online... from the very first days.
    It's as if I could see -past her walls- ...I saw the spark there, but I wasn't really acknowledging the walls, and all the path she had to cross, before actually being there where I was *already*.
    It took her one whole year to reach me. o_o
    Definately she has slow times ^_^; ...

    But I'm not sure if I'm making sense...
    Does someone relate to this?

  5. #15
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    Yep, we're suckers for potential. Which is not at all the same as what is. It's only what could be under very specific conditions if the other person is even interested in making it happen then. I think it's got something to do with Ni, and Ni allows us to see possibilities and outcomes that others may miss. However, it can keep us in unhealthy romantic situations far longer than we should remain. We prefer to see the future rather than the present. If good things have happened in the past, we also ignore many of the negatives that occur later on, particularly if we have chosen to invest in the person.

    And as usual...what Tallulah said! She's good.

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