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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default Dreams and unfinished business

    It's not specifically an "NF" topic but I know I'll probably get more responses if I post here than elsewhere

    I wonder if others have a history of their unfinished business emerging in dreams. It's very strange and can occasionally be quite frightening/disconcerting.

    I don't remember my dreams very often any more...I'd say that's been the case for at least the last six or seven years. But I had a dream last night involving a guy I'm currently interested in, a guy I used to be interested in and am probably no longer even friends with, and a couple of mutual friends. Although I'm no longer friends with the one guy I am still concerned about him to an extent and there is stuff on my mind and the dream reflected that. The guy I'm interested in is also "unfinished business" because I am not sure where it is going at the moment.

    I woke up feeling slightly "oh no" about the whole thing. I mean, there was nothing super-weird about it. But, it reminds me of some recurring unfinished business dreams in my past. When I was 19-20 I fell out with a friend at university who I'd also had feelings for for some time. We'd been having philosophical arguments for years, disagreed fundamentally about pretty much everything, and eventually it just became too personal and nasty. We barely spoke beyond cold hellos if we ran into each other, for the next three years. And, I had a recurring dream about meeting him and resolving things - over those three years! When I say recurring, I mean probably once every few months, which was more than enough to freak me out. Eventually we spoke again and more or less resolved things, at least enough to be genuinely amicable again. And, the dreams stopped.

    It really is interesting. I have found that there have been matters in my life that I really thought I had dealt with and put aside, that they just weren't issues any more. Then - they resurface in dreams. From somewhere even lower than the subconscious, it seems. And I realise it's still unfinished business.
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    Mine was symbolic. Hurricanes started appearing in my dreams (in which I would have a fear of in it) some time when I was 15. Dozens of hurricanes would make their way towards me and in a few I was sucked into it and once I was even tossed around and out of the planet. (Weird, I know. )

    It would recur every few months until last year when it stopped as I fought them off in that last dream.

    It appears to be that at age 15 I was beginning to undergo alot of changes around me that had created inner turmoil. By the time I was 16 I had depression. I was in a very low state for a long time until I was 25 when I came out of it. Also, I am capable of handling sudden changes in my life better now.

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    The J in you wants closure.. I dream often about things that have no closure or resolution.
    Sometimes it blindsides me.
    Dreams can totally influence my mood.

  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilovelurking View Post
    Mine was symbolic. Hurricanes started appearing in my dreams (in which I would have a fear of in it) some time when I was 15. Dozens of hurricanes would make their way towards me and in a few I was sucked into it and once I was even tossed around and out of the planet. (Weird, I know. )

    It would recur every few months until last year when it stopped as I fought them off in that last dream.

    It appears to be that at age 15 I was beginning to undergo alot of changes around me that had created inner turmoil. By the time I was 16 I had depression. I was in a very low state for a long time until I was 25 when I came out of it. Also, I am capable of handling sudden changes in my life better now.
    Wow, that's powerful. (especially when you managed to fight them off!). And it sounds like you've accurately identified the symbolism. My dreams have mostly been, well, quite realistic. For most of my life. I think they were somewhat more colourful when I was younger but really they've always crossed over to a very considerable extent with reality. I've certainly never had much in the way of flying, being chased by monsters, etc. I've always thought that was actually a bit odd for someone who loves fantasy as much as I do - from a young age too. I think maybe I have my fantasy dreams while awake.

    I do have one odd semi-recurring dream - at least I've had it numerous times. I'm smoking. And I always enjoy it. Though I feel guilty as well because smoking is very much against my principles. I have never smoked in my life. And in real life I have no desire to. I wonder if it means there's something else I want to do but I'm not allowing myself to.


    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    The J in you wants closure.. I dream often about things that have no closure or resolution.
    Sometimes it blindsides me.
    Dreams can totally influence my mood.
    That makes sense for it to be J wanting closure. And yeah - blindsiding, good word to use for it. I wouldn't say this dream I had was quite a blindside. It was actually one where I'm aware that this stuff/these people are on my mind. It's partly "uh oh" that it's affecting me to the extent that I'm dreaming about it. But the ones where you think you've dealt with the situation and moved on - then you start dreaming about it - that can be quite shocking.
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    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    ^ I don't think it's necessarily the J because I very much need emotional/mental closure otherwise my mind loops around and around over the issue. I can't watch horror movies because parts of it will show up in my dreams. I have always had very, very vivid dreams. When I spend so much time at work, I dream about work, it's horrible, long and sometimes over bad things. I have so many examples. It's not just the bad parts of my life, even mildly bad parts get into my dreams. I think I should sleep less. My doctor told me that, if I go to bed with negative emotions (or if there's emotional residue in my subconscious), then I will have "bad" dreams. But if one goes to bed happy, relaxed, without a care in the world, then they won't have bad dreams and will wake up the same way.

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    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Have you read Women Who Run With the Wolves? She has a very interesting section on this, so I think there is something to it. I know I've re-visited traumatic historical events in my dreams, or I just have very mundane dreams... but if I remember them at all, it's usually waking up in a fit of anxiety.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    ^ I don't think it's necessarily the J because I very much need emotional/mental closure otherwise my mind loops around and around over the issue. I can't watch horror movies because parts of it will show up in my dreams. I have always had very, very vivid dreams. When I spend so much time at work, I dream about work, it's horrible, long and sometimes over bad things. I have so many examples. It's not just the bad parts of my life, even mildly bad parts get into my dreams. I think I should sleep less. My doctor told me that, if I go to bed with negative emotions (or if there's emotional residue in my subconscious), then I will have "bad" dreams. But if one goes to bed happy, relaxed, without a care in the world, then they won't have bad dreams and will wake up the same way.
    Hi Rebe..

    Are you left handed or right handed??
    It's rhetorical, so don't answer .. My point being closure is tied directly to the J function.
    So what does you hand of proficiency have to do with anything?
    Good question.
    If you are right handed, does this stop you from using your left hand?
    If you are P , does it stop you from using J.
    No of course not.
    Having a P preference does not make one Void of J tendencies, and likewise.
    It's a preference remember?

    Closure is directly linked to the J function. It is most likely that Silk needs closure, more often on more subjects than you do, but that doesn't mean in some cases closure is not important to you, or that Silk might like to leave some situations "open".

  8. #8
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    I tend to have dreams that have no resolve. Usually it involves finding my way home, and never quite getting there, or getting lost on a highway. I had a dream that I was supposed to save a whole nation in a school building/dorm like space station, and I never quite finished saving the people I wanted to, especially the people that I felt were near and dear to me. It's distressing, and I wake up feeling kind of down about things. I suppose I am looking for resolve in some areas in my life.
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  9. #9
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    I tend to have dreams that have no resolve. Usually it involves finding my way home, and never quite getting there, or getting lost on a highway. I had a dream that I was supposed to save a whole nation in a school building/dorm like space station, and I never quite finished saving the people I wanted to, especially the people that I felt were near and dear to me. It's distressing, and I wake up feeling kind of down about things. I suppose I am looking for resolve in some areas in my life.
    I don't think I've ever had anything that large-scale. I imagine that could be quite distressing...
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  10. #10
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I have a lot of dreams about reconciling with people I've cared for. My mind reacts to very specific situations and sends an influx of those dreams to aid me, in a way. They don't aid, but I see what my mind is trying to do with them. It's like a defense mechanism against reality and it provides momentary contentment.
    I'd venture to say that my dreams embrace the aspects of my ENFJness that I make attempts to reject in reality. I want to embrace everyone who I've felt wronged by or that I've wronged. My dreams tap into that and give me a version of them that is willing to accept the version of myself that I close off from.

    In high stress situations, I will dream about the person who is a source of concern every few nights, if not more frequently. In moderate stress situations where I am procrastinating, I dream about doing what I needed to do... or the succession of the day where I don't accomplish what I needed to. This happened a lot in high school. I would dream that I did certain homework and wake up to still having to do it. I would dream about not doing the work, but getting through the day and the teachers with minimal anxiety, only to wake up to face a stronger anxiety.
    How the mind interprets emotions and situations, translating them into dreams that buffer reality, is a strange and fascinating thing.
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