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Thread: INFJ and ENFP?

  1. #1
    Member hearthem's Avatar
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    Angry INFJ and ENFP?

    My friend is an ENFP, and I'm an INFJ [although sometimes I have traits of an intj]. From what I've read, we're suppose to really get along, both being idealists and all...
    She never admits her mistakes, she only laughs them off and tries to shove them onto me. And if she does, she'll act like 'Oh yes, I did that, have a problem?'
    She usually doesn't treat me nicely, and if she does say something nice, it's usually perverted and disgusting. But the worst part is that she doesn't understand what's wrong with the way she acts. I try to explain it, but she just doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying...
    Why is this such a problem if we're close in types? Sorry for ranting OTL
    If it helps, I'm an 4w5 and she's a 6w7.
    Last edited by hearthem; 10-31-2010 at 09:05 PM. Reason: Less angry now XP

  2. #2
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hearthem View Post
    My friend is an ENFP, and I'm an INFJ [although sometimes I have traits of an intj]. From what I've read, we're suppose to really get along, both being idealists and all... but for some reason I really can't stand this friend!
    She never admits her mistakes, she only laughs them off and tries to shove them onto me. And if she does, she'll act like 'Oh yes, I did that, have a problem?' And for some reason I can't take it! It makes me go crazy, I swear.
    She doesn't ever treat me nicely, and if she does say something nice, it's usually perverted and disgusting. But the worst part is that she doesn't understand what's wrong with the way she acts. I try to explain it, but she just doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying! It makes me hate her even more.
    Why is this such a problem if we're close in types? Sorry for ranting...
    If it helps, I'm an 4w5 and she's a 6w3.
    Excuse me sir, but I have to say, that you may as well just try to help yourself understand why, before trying to explain it to her first. Trying to help her out, and feeling like you are going crazy, and like a jerk in the process, and that you hate the person, doesn't sound too good to me here... I don't think you two are very alike, and trying to convince someone to be on your side, that you hated would be impossible, and could very well be a waste of time.

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    Just because certain typs are similar and therfore suppose to get along with each other doesn't mean they always do. The problem isn't so much her MBTI personality type, as it is just her unique personality. Hell, by the sound of your post, it hardly seems like you two are freinds at all, at least with the way she treats you. I would recommend trying to talk with her more, or asking another friend for advice.

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    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I am an INFJ and have several ENFP friends. They are very enjoyable and a lot of fun. While your friend may be an ENFP, I think that she sounds like a very unhealthy version. I did have one ENFP friend once (who is no longer my friend). She was similar in that she put me down and took no personal responsibility for any of her own actions. In your case, I do not believe that your friend will ever change. People who don't take responsilbility for their own actions are rarely introspective enough to ever change. You are better off going out and finding new friends who lift you up, support you, and take responsibility for their actions.

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    Consulting Detective Mr. Sherlock Holmes's Avatar
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    No type will definitely like everyone of a certain type, unless they're the type of person who can not see bad in anything at all, including being murdered or raped.
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    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    An ENFP that doesn't take responsibility for anything, is a sad thing to witness.

    Give her the cold shoulder. She probably thinks she is a princess of some sort.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hearthem View Post
    My friend is an ENFP, and I'm an INFJ [although sometimes I have traits of an intj]. From what I've read, we're suppose to really get along, both being idealists and all... but for some reason I really can't stand this friend!
    She never admits her mistakes, she only laughs them off and tries to shove them onto me. And if she does, she'll act like 'Oh yes, I did that, have a problem?' And for some reason I can't take it! It makes me go crazy, I swear.
    She doesn't ever treat me nicely, and if she does say something nice, it's usually perverted and disgusting. But the worst part is that she doesn't understand what's wrong with the way she acts. I try to explain it, but she just doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying! It makes me hate her even more.
    Why is this such a problem if we're close in types? Sorry for ranting...
    If it helps, I'm an 4w5 and she's a 6w3.
    She never admits her mistakes, she only laughs them off and tries to shove them onto me. And if she does, she'll act like 'Oh yes, I did that, have a problem?'
    I dated an INFJ for over a year and I swear I could write this line^^^^^^^^ about her.
    So I don't think that is an ENFP trait as much as it's just something some people do.

    Oh!!! and a 6w3 doesn't exist. Wings are called wings for a reason . The wing will be the type on each corresponding side. I.E. 6w5 or 6w7.
    Just saying

  8. #8
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    ditto the above - her being ENFP doesn't make her any more likely to be nice than it does to make her be a jerk. and being an NF means that she'll probably have some similar large-scale goals and aspirations, but it doesn't always make you compatible in person, especially with ENFP and INFJ being on opposite ends of the NF spectrum. i'm sorry that she's mean to you, that sucks. have you tried to figure out why she's so crass?

    that said, it may be that type differences are causing you to see sides of her that she has trouble seeing and maybe she feels the same way about you! Fe dom/aux in particular sometimes have problems with the way i handle things when i think i was completely reasonable, because i tend to be more laid back, and then reactionary once certain boundaries are crossed, instead of being more consistently controlling (not "controlling" in a negative way), like strong Fe users tend to be. she may seem especially reactionary and on/off if she is an e6.

    i understand that this is a rant and you're just venting, and she does not sound like a particularly nice person, but i do have to agree with hermeticdancer in that hating her and trying to change her without trying to understand her is probably not a healthy strategy for either of you.

  9. #9
    Member hearthem's Avatar
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    Thank you for all the help everyone! I didn't think this would get that many responses OTL
    Sorry for seeming like such a blathering fool, I guess my anger just got the best of me...
    We're talking more about it and I think things are going to go a bit more smoothly.
    *And thanks, she's an 6w7.
    *I didn't mean to anger an ENFPs by the way! >m<

  10. #10
    Sniffles
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    When INFJs and ENFPs get along - we get along very well. When they don't get along or see things eye to eye - things can get pretty ugly. I speak from experience.

    BTW, interesting avatar. WWII?
    Last edited by Sniffles; 11-01-2010 at 11:11 AM.

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