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  1. #1
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Extensive INFJ Report

    INFJ
    Personality
    INFJs focus on possibilities, think in terms of values and come easily to decisions. The small number of
    this type (1 percent) is regrettable, since INFJs have unusually strong drive to contribute to the welfare of
    others and genuinely enjoy helping their fellow men. This type has great depth of personality; they are
    themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.
    It is an INFJ who is likely to have visions of human events past, present, or future. If a person
    demonstrates an ability to understand psychic phenomena better than most others, this person is apt to
    be an INFJ. Characteristically, INFJs have strong empathic abilities and can be aware of another’s
    emotions or intents even before that person is conscious of these. This can take the form of feeling the
    distress of illnesses of others to an extent, which is difficult for other types. INFJs can intuit good and evil
    in others, although they seldom can tell how they came to know. Subsequent events tend to bear them
    out, however.
    INFJs are usually good students, achievers who exhibit an unostentatious creativity. They take their
    work seriously and enjoy academic activity. They can exhibit qualities of overperfectionism and put
    more into a task than perhaps is justified by the nature of the task. They generally will not be visible
    leaders, but will quietly exert influence behind the scenes.
    INFJs are hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend
    not to share their reactions except with those they trust. Because of their vulnerability through a strong
    facility to interject, INFJs can be hurt rather easily by others, which, perhaps, is at least one reason they
    tend to be private people. People who have known an INFJ for years may find sides emerging which
    come as a surprise. Not that INFJs are inconsistent; they are very consist and value integrity. But they
    have convoluted, complex personalities, which sometimes puzzle even them.
    INFJs like to please others and tend to contribute their own best efforts in all situations. They prefer and
    enjoy agreeing with others, and find conflict disagreeable and destructive. What is known, as ESP is
    likely found in an INFJ more than in any other types, although other types are capable of such
    phenomena. INFJs have vivid imaginations exercised both as memory and intuition, and this can amount
    to genius, resulting at time in an INFJ’s being seen as mystical. This unfettered imagination often will
    enable this person to compose complex and often aesthetic works of art such as music, mathematical
    systems, poems, plays, and novels. In a sense, the INFJ is the most poetic of all the types. Just as the
    ENTJ cannot not lead, so must an INFJ intuit; this capability extends to people, things, and often events,
    taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things
    to come. INFJs can have uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.
    Career
    INFJs often select liberal arts as a college major and opt for occupations, which involve interacting with
    people, but on a one-to-one basis. For example, the general practitioner in medicine might be an INFJ, or
    the psychiatrist or psychologist. As with all NF’s, the ministry holds attraction, although the INFJ must
    develop an extraverted role here, which requires a great deal of energy. INFJs may be attracted to
    writing as a profession, and often they use language, which contains an unusual degree of imagery. They
    are masters of the metaphor, and both their verbal and written communications tend to be elegant and
    complex. Their great talent for language usually is directed toward people, describing people and writing
    to communicate with people in a personalized way. INFJs who write comment often that they write with
    a particular person in mind; writing to a faceless, abstract audience leaves them uninspired.


    INFJs make outstanding individual therapists who have the ability to get in touch with the archetypes of
    their patients in a way some other types do not. The INFJs are also the most vulnerable of all the types to
    the eruption of their own archetypal material. As therapists, INFJs may choose counseling, clinical
    psychology, or psychiatry, or may choose to teach in these fields. Writing about these professions often
    intrigues and INFJ. Whatever their choice, they generally are successful in these fields because their
    great personal warmth, their enthusiasm, their insight, their depth of concentrations, their originality,
    and their organizational skills can all be brought into play.
    At work as well as socially, INFJs are highly sensitive in their handling of others and tend to work well in
    an organizational structure. They have a capacity for working at jobs, which require solitude and
    concentration, but also do well when in contact with people, providing the human interaction is not
    superficial. INFJs enjoy problem solving and can understand and use human systems creatively and
    humanistrically. As employees or employers, INFJs are concerned with people’s feelings and are able to
    provide in themselves a barometer of the feelings of individuals and groups within the organizations.
    INFJs listen well and are willing and able to consult and cooperate with others. Once a decision is made,
    they work to implement it.
    INFJs are generally good at public relations and themselves have good interpersonal relations. They
    value staff harmony and want an organization to run smoothly and pleasantly, themselves making every
    effort to contribute to that end. They are crushed by too much criticism and can have their feelings hurt
    rather easily. They respond to praise and use approval as a means of motivating others, just as they, the
    INFJs, are motivated by approval. If they are subject to a hostile, unfriendly working condition or to
    constant criticism, they tend to lose confidence, become unhappy and immobilized, and finally become
    physically ill.
    Home
    As mates, INFJs are usually devoted to their spouses, but may not always be open to physical approaches.
    They tend to be physically demonstrative at times, but wish to choose when, which is when they are in the
    mood. This may be quite confusing to an extraverted mate. Often an INFJ’s expressions of affection will
    be subtle, taking a humorous, unexpected turn. INFJs need and want harmony in their homes and find
    constant conflict, overt or covert, extremely destructive to their psyches. Their friendship circle is likely
    to be small, deep, and longstanding. As parents, INFJs need and want harmony in their homes and find
    constant conflict, overt or covert, extremely destructive to their psyches. Their friendship circle is likely
    to be small, deep, and longstanding. As parents, INFJs usually are fiercely devoted. A female INFJ,
    particularly, is linked to her children in a way different from the other types; with almost a psychic
    symbiosis. This deep bond can create an overdependency that can be unhealthy for both mother and
    child. At the same time, INFJs tend to be good friends with their children, while firm in discipline. They
    usually are concerned about the comfort of a home and most especially the comfort, physical health and
    emotional well being of both mates and children.
    Midlife
    At midlife an INFJ can best continue developing the thinking function in the form of logic and the
    pursuit of theory. The pleasure of taking a theoretical model and applying it to a situation may be a
    source of interest, which an INFJ may have been neglecting. While continuing to pursue the person-toperson
    in feeling-type relationships, at midlife INFJs may want to get more involved in working with
    NT’s, who offer a dimension not dominant in NF’s and vice versa. Carefully providing for rest and
    taking care of physical health is vital to the INFJ at all times, and mandatory for midlife on.
    Mates
    The particular INFJ may opt for the inventive ENTP, but also may go for a different kind of contrary,
    namely the ESTP. The ESTP and ENTP, to the casual observer, look pretty much alike. Charming,
    suave, urbane, humorous, witty, fantastically easy to approach, venturesome, even reckless. But one is
    out to invent, the other to promote; this is not small difference. It takes an inventor to make a
    mousetrap, it takes a promoter to make an enterprise. To succeed, the promoter has to be, in the best
    sense of the word, a con artist. He must be able to get people’s confidence. Now why woul d a meaninggiver
    INFJ be intrigued by an entrepreneur ESTP? Because he wishes to rescue this iconoclast from his
    seeming folly (and let’s face it, most inventions are abortive, or stillborn).
    Courting
    If ever a person died for love, it was sure to have been and Apollonian (NF), Romeo and Juliet, both NFs,
    could not face the prospect of life without each other and so chose to die in a way which was symbolic of
    their single minded and eternal commitment to each other. Other famous lovers, such as Heloise and
    Abelard, the Brownings, Antony and Cleopatra, Beth the landlord’s daughter and her highwayman, all
    created a work of art in their courtships. This is not surprising, since one of the arts at which the NF is
    skilled is that of creating the romantic relationship. In fact, the term sex would seem somehow crude
    when used in discussing the NF; love better captures their appreciation of the physical relationship. Both
    the NF female and male respond to their mates with sympathy, tenderness, and frequent, passionate
    expressions of love, both verbal and nonverbal. Possessing facility with language. NFs are able too
    express nuances of emotions that may escape other types. NFs are not afraid of using poetry, that may
    escape other types. NFs are not afraid of using poetry, music, and quotations to enhance their courting
    relationships: the romantic developments in the lives of NFs thrive on receiving these tokens of affection
    and dedication. NFs have a flair for dramatizing their courtships, making each the perfect love. A
    storybook flavor permeates their courtship behavior. The NF suitor is certain he will live happily ever
    after, and transmits this certainty to the object of romantic pursuit. The ideal of the perfect love that will
    never die motivates the NFs in their search of a partner who can relate spiritually as well as physically.
    They strive to be authentic lovers capable of sustaining deep intimacy. Seeing their identity as mate is a
    major part of their personality.
    Just as the possible rather than the actual lures NFs in other parts of their lives, so do the possibilities in
    relationships inspire them. When a relationship is being established, the recipient of the NF's attention is
    apt to be the center of his world. The pursuit is given almost single-minded attention and no effort is
    spared in the wooing. An undying love is in the offing, and once the physical relationship is
    consummated (for a male NF) or the words of love spoken (for a female NF) the relationship will be
    blessed with romantic bliss. Both NF males and females are likely to be blind to any flaws in their
    beloved in the early stages of a romance. Life will be happy ever after (although the details of this happy
    ever after are usually not explored in depth). The romantic gesture and the idealization of the
    relationship are characteristic of the courting behaviors of the NF. The dream is sometimes preferred to
    reality. At times the fantasy of the sexual encounter cannot survive the reality of consummation,
    especially for the male NF.
    Sex
    It appears female NFs are more able to sustain the depth of romanticism involved with a relationship
    longer than male NFs. Once the physical side of the relationship is acted out, the male NF can lose
    interest and turn to pursue the impossible dream of a larger than life, giant-screen goddess who will be
    Madonna, mistress, lover, whore, mother, daughter, and wife. His real-life mate is not always able to
    measure up. The NF male, in hot pursuit, is likely to express a love which is undying but which can
    vanish all to soon in the harsh light of the morning after. The female NF does not demonstrate this
    characteristic; rather, she is likely to increase her dedication after the physical relationship is
    consummated. She becomes more and more devoted, continuing to romanticize the relationship and
    believe in its perfection. To give small transactions profound significance, to dramatize the interactions
    with her mate, to be willing to die for love. She seems seldom disappointed in the sexual act; orgasmic
    response on her part is seen as inconsequential compared to the pleasure of giving pleasure to her mate.
    What matters is that he is fulfilled and satisfied. For the male NF, ennui can set in as a result of
    familiarity; for the female NF, this is not as likely to happen. The SP can say, and mean, with Dorothy
    Parker, “I’ll be true as long as you, and not a moment after…,” the female NF is more likely to have as a
    part of her mating identity the image of falling in love once and for a lifetime. The fact that his does not
    always work out does not negate the possibility of the dream coming true. Fortunately, both male and
    female NFs have a capacity for deep affection and caring over and above sexual expression, and out of
    this capacity can grow a lasting, satisfactory relationship.
    In the last decade or so a curious phenomenon has occurred, perhaps arising from the female NFs
    characteristic of maintaining her romantic dream even in the face of a contradictory reality. The group
    that spearheaded the sexual revolution were the female NFs. It has been the female NFs who have said
    “NO” to the double sexual (and other) standards. It has been the female NFs who have been most
    militant in demanding equal orgasmic rights. It has been the female NFs who have decided that they are
    not sure they will be true, even as long as their male partners. Somehow female NFs have decided that
    their vision of a better, more satisfactory mating relationship can be actualized. They seem willing, in
    ever growing numbers, to take whatever risks are necessary to find that relationship, either in or out of a
    legal contract. In fact, more and more the NF females seem reluctant to tie themselves down to a legal
    arrangement, putting off the urgings of their housemates, asking that both wait until she is sure she is
    doing the right thing. More and more NF females seem to be willing to bear their children outside a legal
    arrangement and to raise them alone. This is not to say that other types are not also involved in this
    movement, but it is the NFs, along with a limited number of NT females, who provide the vanguard of the
    revolution. Instead of being ready and willing to die for love, the current NF female seems to be willing
    to live for the possibility of a better way of relating to mates.
    Interpersonal
    Both male and female NFs are likely to be charming mates, and a source of continuing warmth, support,
    and understanding. They are usually ready to lend sympathy to a mate when the outside world turns
    hostile and are not apt to use that moment to point out the errors of a mate’s ways, something which
    other types might be tempted to do. The NFs are generally skilled socially, and people usually feel
    wanted and well-hosted in their homes. They often are experts in the ar ts of appreciation, especially in
    the area of personal characteristics, and they are apt to be generous in expressing these appreciations to
    their mate. It is probably the NF who is the most loving, dedicated, affectionate, appreciative mate, and
    is unstinting in the expression of these emotions, both to mate and to children. Their conversations,
    particularly those of extraverted NFs, are apt to be sprinkled with terms of endearment, especially in
    private. The NF can be as extravagant as an SP when expressing love through the media of gifts, but the
    NF is more than likely to present the gift in private, and select with extraordinary care something with
    special or even symbolic meaning. NFs, both male and female, usually remember birthdays,
    anniversaries, and the like without being prompted, or at most needing only a hint. If, in turn, the NFs’
    milestones are not heeded, they are deeply hurt, as deeply as they are appreciative when theirs are
    noticed.
    Although NFs, especially the male NF, become restless if others (including mates, children, or parents)
    are dependent, NFs have in their own personality characteristics that promote this dependency. They
    pride themselves on being sensitive to others and caring about them. It is almost impossible for NFs to be
    unaware of others’ psychological needs. Yet the NF becomes restless when these ties begin to bind, as
    they do when the amount of emotional input becomes a psychological overload for the NF. At this point
    the NF can seem cruel, insisting unexpectedly that the other “stand on his own two feet.” This shift in
    attitude is usually abrupt and the person who heretofore believed that he was very special in the eyes of
    the NF now finds himself apparently rejected. The NF does not mean to be unkind; he or she is simply
    disconnecting a relationship which can no longer be handled – in spite of the reality that the NF created
    this dependent relationship through expressions of empathy and unique understanding. Building
    empathic relationships is second nature to this temperament, a master of the art of intimacy. But as
    those around the NF want more and more attention, more and more expressions of this unusual
    appreciation, more and more signals of deep affection, the NF seemed promised; the ideal love, the
    perfect friendship, complete understanding, and total acceptance.
    The NF is vulnerable to this kind of misunderstanding because of his extraordinary capabilities to
    interject. He can take into himself the point of view, the emotions, and the psychological state of another
    so completely that the other feels totally received. The other person may not realize that the NF does this
    in most relationships, and may be hurt on discovering that he is not valued as uniquely as he first
    thought. When the NF leaves each person, the NF no longer resonates to that person, but relates to the
    person now present. Understandably, this can cause some difficulty in the mating relationship for mates
    who want this characteristic to be exercised more exclusively; the NF may not know how not to respond
    to the emotional demands of others.
    Social
    A danger an NF faces in his intimate relationships is that he will move from relationship to relationship
    rather than making the necessary effort to develop those already existing. The NF’s tendency to
    experience anticipation as more attractive than consummation can cause him to use his energies pursuing
    the dream at the expense of what is actually available. Once an NF believes that he or she knows all there
    is to know about another, disinterest sets in; restlessness and a sense of boredom develop. NFs, as do
    other types, want a certain amount of variety and change in their lives. Other types, however, may seek
    this through intellectual pursuits, adjustment of living routines, vacations, and new activities. The NF is
    most vulnerable to seeking this through searching out new relationships, more often than not at the
    expense of deepening those already existing.
    A quality an NF can bring to intimate relationships is an extraordinary sensitivity and ability to
    communicate emotionally. In the affective areas the NF is without equal. No other type is as sympathetic
    to others as is the NF. As mates they can be a source of warmth, appreciation, and support which other
    types have difficulty emulating.
    Domestic
    After the honeymoon is over, the mate of an NF can feel let down when the reality of living with the NF
    may be in some contrast with what was anticipated. The discovery by the mate that the NF is, after all,
    less than perfect often results in feelings of resentment ill-deserved by the NF, but nonetheless real. NF
    mates themselves are in a dilemma. They are caught up in the romanticized expectations of the
    psychological and sexual experience generated in their own perceptions and encouraged by others. The
    fantasy is more than likely to be exaggerated by both the NF and the mate, and it is a common experience
    for NFs to express that anticipation was more delightful than consummation. The actual sexual act, in
    particular, can be less than anticipated, for, more often than not, the NF’s romantic nature will not allow
    him or her to acquire sexual expertise through study. Rather they see themselves as somehow supposed
    to know the appropriate loving and tender approach intuitively. Consulting scientific studies is seen as
    cold an objective and somehow destructive. Thus, the actual sexual relationship may be a let down
    initially and a disappointment to both partners until both acquire the necessary competency.
    Although NFs are almost hypersensitive to the moods of their mates, especially if they are also introverts;
    they may not always be willing to deal positively with the other’s emotional reactions. NFs report that
    they find their own emotional circuits often so overloaded with their own concerns that they cannot deal
    with the emotional experiences of others who are especially close to them, particularly when experiences
    involve conflict and hurt. Thus, the mates of NFs can see their mates responding to relative strangers
    with a degree of warmth and acceptance that may not be available to them.
    As parents, NFs are sensitive to the viewpoint of their children, sometimes to the point of siding with
    them in a way which reinforces the youngsters’ antisocial, self-defeating behaviors. An NF parent, for
    example, can rush to rescue a child from consequences of his wrongdoing and, in the process, not permit
    the child to develop necessary skills which he needs to deal with the realities of a less protective world.
    NF mates may have difficulty de taching themselves from their jobs or social demands in order to
    preserve time for family. In this the NF is like the SP. They have some difficulty saying “no” to
    attractive offers and thus may neglect priorities. Whoever is there and demanding time gets it, even
    though other may be waiting elsewhere.


    And yeah, there ya go.

  2. #2
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Some proofreading would be greatly appreciated.
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

    "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Greg King
    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    I don't mean to be rude, I have always liked these profiles, but the links to each part of this description on personalitypage.com probably would have been better, as the layout of this is hard to read.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I enjoyed reading it.

  5. #5
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Default edited. :)

    i wanted to read it but was just difficult to look at, so i broke it into sections. cool intro to INFJs. i thought the general NF stuff was interesting too, though it think it's really interesting how NFJs and NFPs manifest a lot of very similar thoughts and feelings in often nearly opposite ways - easy to see given the very different "vibes" given off by the type pairs.

    INFJ

    Overview

    INFJs focus on possibilities, think in terms of values and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (1 percent) is regrettable, since INFJs have unusually strong drive to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their fellow men. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people. It is an INFJ who is likely to have visions of human events past, present, or future. If a person demonstrates an ability to understand psychic phenomena better than most others, this person is apt to be an INFJ. Characteristically, INFJs have strong empathic abilities and can be aware of another’s emotions or intents even before that person is conscious of these. This can take the form of feeling the distress of illnesses of others to an extent, which is difficult for other types. INFJs can intuit good and evil in others, although they seldom can tell how they came to know. Subsequent events tend to bear them out, however.

    INFJs are usually good students, achievers who exhibit an non-ostentatious creativity. They take their work seriously and enjoy academic activity. They can exhibit qualities of overperfectionism and put more into a task than perhaps is justified by the nature of the task. They generally will not be visible leaders, but will quietly exert influence behind the scenes. INFJs are hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. Because of their vulnerability through a strong facility to interject, INFJs can be hurt rather easily by others, which, perhaps, is at least one reason they tend to be private people. People who have known an INFJ for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that INFJs are inconsistent; they are very consist and value integrity. But they have convoluted, complex personalities, which sometimes puzzle even them.

    INFJs like to please others and tend to contribute their own best efforts in all situations. They prefer and enjoy agreeing with others, and find conflict disagreeable and destructive. What is known, as ESP is likely found in an INFJ more than in any other types, although other types are capable of such phenomena. NFJs have vivid imaginations exercised both as memory and intuition, and this can amount to genius, resulting at time in an INFJ’s being seen as mystical. This unfettered imagination often will enable this person to compose complex and often aesthetic works of art such as music, mathematical systems, poems, plays, and novels. In a sense, the INFJ is the most poetic of all the types. Just as the ENTJ cannot not lead, so must an INFJ intuit; this capability extends to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come. INFJs can have uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

    INFJ in Careers

    Job Preferences
    INFJs often select liberal arts as a college major and opt for occupations, which involve interacting with people, but on a one-to-one basis. For example, the general practitioner in medicine might be an INFJ, or the psychiatrist or psychologist. As with all NF’s, the ministry holds attraction, although the INFJ must develop an extraverted role here, which requires a great deal of energy. INFJs may be attracted to writing as a profession, and often they use language, which contains an unusual degree of imagery. They are masters of the metaphor, and both their verbal and written communications tend to be elegant and complex. Their great talent for language usually is directed toward people, describing people and writing to communicate with people in a personalized way. INFJs who write comment often that they write with a particular person in mind; writing to a faceless, abstract audience leaves them uninspired. INFJs make outstanding individual therapists who have the ability to get in touch with the archetypes of their patients in a way some other types do not. The INFJs are also the most vulnerable of all the types to the eruption of their own archetypal material. As therapists, INFJs may choose counseling, clinical psychology, or psychiatry, or may choose to teach in these fields. Writing about these professions often intrigues and INFJ. Whatever their choice, they generally are successful in these fields because their great personal warmth, their enthusiasm, their insight, their depth of concentrations, their originality, and their organizational skills can all be brought into play.

    At Work
    At work as well as socially, INFJs are highly sensitive in their handling of others and tend to work well in an organizational structure. They have a capacity for working at jobs, which require solitude and concentration, but also do well when in contact with people, providing the human interaction is not superficial. INFJs enjoy problem solving and can understand and use human systems creatively and humanistrically. As employees or employers, INFJs are concerned with people’s feelings and are able to provide in themselves a barometer of the feelings of individuals and groups within the organizations. INFJs listen well and are willing and able to consult and cooperate with others. Once a decision is made, they work to implement it. INFJs are generally good at public relations and themselves have good interpersonal relations. They value staff harmony and want an organization to run smoothly and pleasantly, themselves making every effort to contribute to that end. They are crushed by too much criticism and can have their feelings hurt rather easily. They respond to praise and use approval as a means of motivating others, just as they, the INFJs, are motivated by approval. If they are subject to a hostile, unfriendly working condition or to constant criticism, they tend to lose confidence, become unhappy and immobilized, and finally become physically ill.

    INFJ Relationships

    With a Partner
    As mates, INFJs are usually devoted to their spouses, but may not always be open to physical approaches. They tend to be physically demonstrative at times, but wish to choose when, which is when they are in the mood. This may be quite confusing to an extraverted mate. Often an INFJ’s expressions of affection will be subtle, taking a humorous, unexpected turn. INFJs need and want harmony in their homes and find constant conflict, overt or covert, extremely destructive to their psyches. Their friendship circle is likely to be small, deep, and longstanding. As parents, INFJs need and want harmony in their homes and find constant conflict, overt or covert, extremely destructive to their psyches. Their friendship circle is likely to be small, deep, and longstanding. As parents, INFJs usually are fiercely devoted. A female INFJ, particularly, is linked to her children in a way different from the other types; with almost a psychic symbiosis. This deep bond can create an overdependency that can be unhealthy for both mother and child. At the same time, INFJs tend to be good friends with their children, while firm in discipline. They usually are concerned about the comfort of a home and most especially the comfort, physical health and emotional well being of both mates and children.

    Partner Preferences
    The particular INFJ may opt for the inventive ENTP, but also may go for a different kind of contrary, namely the ESTP. The ESTP and ENTP, to the casual observer, look pretty much alike. Charming, suave, urbane, humorous, witty, fantastically easy to approach, venturesome, even reckless. But one is out to invent, the other to promote; this is not small difference. It takes an inventor to make a mousetrap, it takes a promoter to make an enterprise. To succeed, the promoter has to be, in the best sense of the word, a con artist. He must be able to get people’s confidence. Now why would a meaning-giver INFJ be intrigued by an entrepreneur ESTP? Because he wishes to rescue this iconoclast from his seeming folly (and let’s face it, most inventions are abortive, or stillborn).

    Midlife
    At midlife an INFJ can best continue developing the thinking function in the form of logic and the pursuit of theory. The pleasure of taking a theoretical model and applying it to a situation may be a source of interest, which an INFJ may have been neglecting. While continuing to pursue the person-to-person in feeling-type relationships, at midlife INFJs may want to get more involved in working with NTs, who offer a dimension not dominant in NFs and vice versa. Carefully providing for rest and taking care of physical health is vital to the INFJ at all times, and mandatory for midlife on.

    NFs in Relationships

    Courting
    If ever a person died for love, it was sure to have been and Apollonian (NF). Romeo and Juliet, both NFs, could not face the prospect of life without each other and so chose to die in a way which was symbolic of their single minded and eternal commitment to each other. Other famous lovers, such as Heloise and Abelard, the Brownings, Antony and Cleopatra, Beth the landlord’s daughter and her highwayman, all created a work of art in their courtships. This is not surprising, since one of the arts at which the NF is skilled is that of creating the romantic relationship. In fact, the term sex would seem somehow crude when used in discussing the NF; love better captures their appreciation of the physical relationship. Both the NF female and male respond to their mates with sympathy, tenderness, and frequent, passionate expressions of love, both verbal and nonverbal. Possessing facility with language. NFs are able too express nuances of emotions that may escape other types. NFs are not afraid of using poetry, that may escape other types. NFs are not afraid of using poetry, music, and quotations to enhance their courting relationships: the romantic developments in the lives of NFs thrive on receiving these tokens of affection and dedication.

    Historical Shift to Equal Rights in Relationships
    In the last decade or so a curious phenomenon has occurred, perhaps arising from the female NFs characteristic of maintaining her romantic dream even in the face of a contradictory reality. The group that spearheaded the sexual revolution were the female NFs. It has been the female NFs who have said “NO” to the double sexual (and other) standards. It has been the female NFs who have been most militant in demanding equal orgasmic rights. It has been the female NFs who have decided that they are not sure they will be true, even as long as their male partners. Somehow female NFs have decided that their vision of a better, more satisfactory mating relationship can be actualized. They seem willing, in ever growing numbers, to take whatever risks are necessary to find that relationship, either in or out of a legal contract. In fact, more and more the NF females seem reluctant to tie themselves down to a legal arrangement, putting off the urgings of their housemates, asking that both wait until she is sure she is doing the right thing. More and more NF females seem to be willing to bear their children outside a legal arrangement and to raise them alone. This is not to say that other types are not also involved in this movement, but it is the NFs, along with a limited number of NT females, who provide the vanguard of the revolution. Instead of being ready and willing to die for love, the current NF female seems to be willing to live for the possibility of a better way of relating to mates.

    Interpersonal
    Both male and female NFs are likely to be charming mates, and a source of continuing warmth, support, and understanding. They are usually ready to lend sympathy to a mate when the outside world turns hostile and are not apt to use that moment to point out the errors of a mate’s ways, something which other types might be tempted to do. The NFs are generally skilled socially, and people usually feel wanted and well-hosted in their homes. They often are experts in the arts of appreciation, especially in the area of personal characteristics, and they are apt to be generous in expressing these appreciations to their mate. It is probably the NF who is the most loving, dedicated, affectionate, appreciative mate, and is unstinting in the expression of these emotions, both to mate and to children. Their conversations, particularly those of extraverted NFs, are apt to be sprinkled with terms of endearment, especially in private. The NF can be as extravagant as an SP when expressing love through the media of gifts, but the NF is more than likely to present the gift in private, and select with extraordinary care something with special or even symbolic meaning. NFs, both male and female, usually remember birthdays, anniversaries, and the like without being prompted, or at most needing only a hint. If, in turn, the NFs' milestones are not heeded, they are deeply hurt, as deeply as they are appreciative when theirs are noticed.

    Idealization
    NFs have a flair for dramatizing their courtships, making each the perfect love. A storybook flavor permeates their courtship behavior. The NF suitor is certain he will live happily ever after, and transmits this certainty to the object of romantic pursuit. The ideal of the perfect love that will never die motivates the NFs in their search of a partner who can relate spiritually as well as physically. They strive to be authentic lovers capable of sustaining deep intimacy. Seeing their identity as mate is a major part of their personality. Just as the possible rather than the actual lures NFs in other parts of their lives, so do the possibilities in relationships inspire them. When a relationship is being established, the recipient of the NF's attention is apt to be the center of his world. The pursuit is given almost single-minded attention and no effort is spared in the wooing. An undying love is in the offing, and once the physical relationship is consummated (for a male NF) or the words of love spoken (for a female NF) the relationship will be blessed with romantic bliss. Both NF males and females are likely to be blind to any flaws in their beloved in the early stages of a romance. Life will be happy ever after (although the details of this happy ever after are usually not explored in depth). The romantic gesture and the idealization of the relationship are characteristic of the courting behaviors of the NF. The dream is sometimes referred to reality. At times the fantasy of the sexual encounter cannot survive the reality of consummation, especially for the male NF.

    Sex, Devotion, and Ennui
    It appears female NFs are more able to sustain the depth of romanticism involved with a relationship longer than male NFs. Once the physical side of the relationship is acted out, the male NF can lose interest and turn to pursue the impossible dream of a larger than life, giant-screen goddess who will be Madonna, mistress, lover, whore, mother, daughter, and wife. His real-life mate is not always able to measure up. The NF male, in hot pursuit, is likely to express a love which is undying but which can vanish all to soon in the harsh light of the morning after. The female NF does not demonstrate this characteristic; rather, she is likely to increase her dedication after the physical relationship is consummated. She becomes more and more devoted, continuing to romanticize the relationship and believe in its perfection. To give small transactions profound significance, to dramatize the interactions with her mate, to be willing to die for love. She seems seldom disappointed in the sexual act; orgasmic response on her part is seen as inconsequential compared to the pleasure of giving pleasure to her mate. What matters is that he is fulfilled and satisfied. For the male NF, ennui can set in as a result of familiarity; for the female NF, this is not as likely to happen. The SP can say, and mean, with Dorothy Parker, “I’ll be true as long as you, and not a moment after…,” the female NF is more likely to have as a part of her mating identity the image of falling in love once and for a lifetime. The fact that his does not always work out does not negate the possibility of the dream coming true. Fortunately, both male and female NFs have a capacity for deep affection and caring over and above sexual expression, and out of this capacity can grow a lasting, satisfactory relationship.

    Potential for Social Restlessness
    A danger an NF faces in his intimate relationships is that he will move from relationship to relationship rather than making the necessary effort to develop those already existing. The NF’s tendency to experience anticipation as more attractive than consummation can cause him to use his energies pursuing the dream at the expense of what is actually available. Once an NF believes that he or she knows all there is to know about another, disinterest sets in; restlessness and a sense of boredom develop. NFs, as do other types, want a certain amount of variety and change in their lives. Other types, however, may seek this through intellectual pursuits, adjustment of living routines, vacations, and new activities. The NF is most vulnerable to seeking this through searching out new relationships, more often than not at the expense of deepening those already existing. A quality an NF can bring to intimate relationships is an extraordinary sensitivity and ability to communicate emotionally. In the affective areas the NF is without equal. No other type is as sympathetic to others as is the NF. As mates they can be a source of warmth, appreciation, and support which other types have difficulty emulating.

    Issues with Dependency
    Although NFs, especially the male NF, become restless if others (including mates, children, or parents) are dependent, NFs have in their own personality characteristics that promote this dependency. They pride themselves on being sensitive to others and caring about them. It is almost impossible for NFs to be unaware of others’ psychological needs. Yet the NF becomes restless when these ties begin to bind, as they do when the amount of emotional input becomes a psychological overload for the NF. At this point the NF can seem cruel, insisting unexpectedly that the other “stand on his own two feet.” This shift in attitude is usually abrupt and the person who heretofore believed that he was very special in the eyes of the NF now finds himself apparently rejected. The NF does not mean to be unkind; he or she is simply disconnecting a relationship which can no longer be handled – in spite of the reality that the NF created this dependent relationship through expressions of empathy and unique understanding. Building empathic relationships is second nature to this temperament, a master of the art of intimacy. But as those around the NF want more and more attention, more and more expressions of this unusual appreciation, more and more signals of deep affection, the NF seemed promised; the ideal love, the perfect friendship, complete understanding, and total acceptance. The NF is vulnerable to this kind of misunderstanding because of his extraordinary capabilities to interject. He can take into himself the point of view, the emotions, and the psychological state of another so completely that the other feels totally received. The other person may not realize that the NF does this in most relationships, and may be hurt on discovering that he is not valued as uniquely as he first thought. When the NF leaves each person, the NF no longer resonates to that person, but relates to the person now present. Understandably, this can cause some difficulty in the mating relationship for mates who want this characteristic to be exercised more exclusively; the NF may not know how not to respond to the emotional demands of others.

    Domestic
    After the honeymoon is over, the mate of an NF can feel let down when the reality of living with the NF may be in some contrast with what was anticipated. The discovery by the mate that the NF is, after all, less than perfect often results in feelings of resentment ill-deserved by the NF, but nonetheless real. NF mates themselves are in a dilemma. They are caught up in the romanticized expectations of the psychological and sexual experience generated in their own perceptions and encouraged by others. The fantasy is more than likely to be exaggerated by both the NF and the mate, and it is a common experience for NFs to express that anticipation was more delightful than consummation. The actual sexual act, in particular, can be less than anticipated, for, more often than not, the NF’s romantic nature will not allow him or her to acquire sexual expertise through study. Rather they see themselves as somehow supposed to know the appropriate loving and tender approach intuitively. Consulting scientific studies is seen as cold an objective and somehow destructive. Thus, the actual sexual relationship may be a let down initially and a disappointment to both partners until both acquire the necessary competency. Although NFs are almost hypersensitive to the moods of their mates, especially if they are also introverts; they may not always be willing to deal positively with the other’s emotional reactions. NFs report that they find their own emotional circuits often so overloaded with their own concerns that they cannot deal with the emotional experiences of others who are especially close to them, particularly when experiences involve conflict and hurt. Thus, the mates of NFs can see their mates responding to relative strangers with a degree of warmth and acceptance that may not be available to them.

    Parenting
    As parents, NFs are sensitive to the viewpoint of their children, sometimes to the point of siding with them in a way which reinforces the youngsters’ antisocial, self-defeating behaviors. An NF parent, for example, can rush to rescue a child from consequences of his wrongdoing and, in the process, not permit the child to develop necessary skills which he needs to deal with the realities of a less protective world. NF mates may have difficulty detaching themselves from their jobs or social demands in order to preserve time for family. In this the NF is like the SP. They have some difficulty saying “no” to attractive offers and thus may neglect priorities. Whoever is there and demanding time gets it, even though other may be waiting elsewhere.

  6. #6
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Ahhhh.... Te at work. I love it Skylights.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  7. #7
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Thanks so much! When I copied it from the website and pasted it it looked fine on here, but now that I'm on a different computer it does look alot different. Thanks skylights.

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