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  1. #41
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Default He is distant

    From when I started flirting he became more quiet and distant, avoidant... our last convo, he was silent I asked why are you so quiet? he said because, the computer is slow today... I said 'maybe it's the weather,' and he replies--'maybe its me'(meaning him). ? And, as it so happens I read into everything he says, he told me 'not to analyze my work so much,' which I thought was odd, its like he was telling me just go away... So he may have a girlfriend.
    I've already told him I liked him, kind of, to which he froze up... I will make an attempt bur only with the gf thing in mind... no sense in getting worked up in someone who isn't available, right.

  2. #42
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    No signs of him being taken so far. I made an excuse very similar to what he said. I said something similar to her about not worrying/analyzing a 'problem' so much because I care for her and even that made her felt like a slight diss which was not what I intended to do. I empathized with her and I had this happen with her for quite some time.

    The first time my ENFP said she missed me, I froze. The first time she said she loves me, I froze. And I still froze a gazillion times after that. It took me a looooot of time to loosen up. One of the questions as to why I froze was,"Why does she miss/love me?" etc etc because I couldn't see myself in her perspective. I couldn't see what makes me so special that she has such intense feelings for me. As far as my limited knowledge of MBTI, all I know is that both INFJ and ENFP are intense individuals.

    Frankly, I have never met anyone like my ENFP. And another reason why I froze is that she's special and I have never met anyone with such an amazing heart.

    I have known my ENFP for 3 years now. I only started dating her (in a "I love you, you love me, let's take this to another level" way) just a few months ago. She showed cutesy signs of affection within a few months of knowing me and at that time I didn't even realise she was flirting with me. I have a feeling it is best to know him for who he is first. Take it slow. I mean, you would prefer having someone who loves you for who you are instead of it being a physical thing, right?

    I have to say you're brave for saying you like him in person!
    Last edited by ilovelurking; 10-31-2010 at 12:14 AM. Reason: Forgot to add last sentence.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default

    I know it is scary asking someone out, but I remember reading about a study in one of those body language or social skills books where they had a normal looking guy (complete stranger) ask out women on campus, by saying something similar like, "I've seen you around campus and wondered if you would like to go out to lunch sometime." 2 out of 3 women said yes, and they didn't even know him. The point of the study was that the women were receptive just because he asked. If the guy says no, don't sweat about it, he doesn't know you enough to really dislike you. Take a risk! You never know where it might take you!

  4. #44
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    And, yeah, I agree with ilovelurking. I'm an INFJ, and became totally uncomfortable at several key dating moments. Like the guy who asked if I liked several other guys (as potential dates) and when I said no, he asked if I like him and I said "no" - even though I did! (idiot - slap head). Anyway, the first time my husband said he loved me, I replied with something like "Oh, that's so sweet," even though I was totally in love with him. One problem with being an "I" is that it just brings out the social idiocy in us. Be encouraged!

  5. #45
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    yeah our natural tendency is to try to read you before we can even begin to read ourselves. and even if we know because we've spent time working it over in our minds and growing a deep infatuation, the real thing still surprises us and it's difficult for us to be open and unflinching and in the moment enough to accept it fully as it's happening. we have to let various connections strengthen and take the time to figure out what's true for us. and most of that truth is more past-oriented than in the moment, just because it's harder for us to KNOW the moment than it is to know the past, the aspects of our minds that we have had time to organize/symbolize, interpret, and understand in a context that has been integrated with us, that has become consciously aware of its relevancy for us. we're more invested or have better access + development to declarative memory than we do to episodic momentary realizations of truth.

  6. #46
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Default

    I love this thread. Adorable is the right word for it.

    Ah..... Those INFJ males are slippery devils aren't they? Soul-stealing creatures. And very kissable... even when I want to occasionally whack 'em on the back of the head. I'm waiting with baited breath to find out how to solve these mythic Greek puzzles of the male persuasion.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  7. #47
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    I love this thread as well

    Seems to me like he likes you, but once he realized you liked him too he freaked out a little. The pattern I have noticed seems like some INFJ males will really like someone and be calm and collected until they figure out you are interested in them - then they don't know what to do. They feel awkward, afraid the other person will notice and possibly reject them. Again, just in my observation.

    I vote the thank you note. Be yourself (heartfelt and enthusiastic) - that's the most important part. I believe in the INFJ / ENFP chemistry, while at the same time not putting people in little boxes.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes!!!!

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
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  8. #48
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    @Esoteric Wench
    Please don't do that, you might suffocate. Or is this some passive agressive thing like going on an air strike
    Anyway, when you find out, let me know, I'd like to understand myself too.

  9. #49
    Junior Member Tea-Snob's Avatar
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    Default

    In my experience, ENFPs have an amazing perception of INFJs, even if you don't know us that well, so you should trust the first thing you feel

    Just be your bright and inspiring ENFP-self!!! ...And don't worry if he looks at his feet or runs away - that just means he really likes you
    [sits down in front of the computer] Subject: Fire. "Dear Sir stroke Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out at the premises of..." no, that's too formal [Deletes] "Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire, exclamation mark. Fire, exclamation mark. Help me, exclamation mark. 123 Carrendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best."

  10. #50
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alexx View Post
    The pattern I have noticed seems like some INFJ males will really like someone and be calm and collected until they figure out you are interested in them - then they don't know what to do. They feel awkward, afraid the other person will notice and possibly reject them. Again, just in my observation.
    i'm sure it's related to the fear of rejection, but for 4w5s and 5w4s it's also fear of being unable to maintain steadiness in the moment (e5 detachment from something potentially overwhelming or uncontrollable that might render you incapable in the moment especially in a public way). it's this the state i am in watching the state i am in watching the state i am in experience and trying to correct myself by detaching and overthinking. so what you say about "afraid the other person will notice" is entirely correct! i start to act extra unnaturally bc i'm trying to act natural (and i don't, by default, act natural at all!). so it looks forced and kinda silly (at least how it feels to me), but as an e5, i might be snuffing out more of my emotional tenor than i think and just confusing the hell out of others. as an sx/sp, it also has that awful gross feeling of testing others some times. i think there's a little more obvious power struggle with other sx types in pretty much any and all activities. sx types like to be in the driver's seat, but with relationships and especially for uncertain e5s, we're the worst at it, so it really puts us out there on the line and that produces some weird skittishness, occasional exaggeration, and unpredictable awkwardness.

    also, these weird side effects get much more manageable once the infj has had more practice holding it together and learning how to be a bit more steady/steadfast, but in romantic situations we get the same excitement, burst of energy, and big big kind of resonance that you fps get too. it may not show, but internally we feel it just as much! we may be cautious because it might not register so strongly as a part of us as it does for Fi users, it's more of an external something that we know pulls us towards it and consumes our attention and makes us want to be more open than we normally are, that gives us hope for more openness.

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