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  1. #1
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Default Do you regret opening up to people?

    Do you ever regret opening up to someone?

    Even my close friends when I show them my true feelings. My unfiltered thoughts, I feel really stupid afterwards. The next day I usually think to myself, "that was a really bad idea, now they have "dirt" on me."

    Do you feel like this sometimes? What do you think it comes from?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Yes. I have a pattern of opening up and clamming shut even with my most beloved, most loyal friends. I need to be the ideal version of myself and that includes being cool-headed all the time even though I realize it may not be realistic and losing your cool once in a while doesn't mean you're vulnerable/weak. It stems from our natural strong qualities like empathy, compassion, sensitivity that makes us vulnerable and we over-compensate this by pretending nothing disturbs us on a personal, emotional level. By we, I mean me. We associate too deeply all of our emotions and actions to the core of who we are as a person, to our principles and values whereas for others, opening up is just sharing information and bonding. For us, it's something more significant, more corrosive, more disturbing.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Agreed. I pride myself on helping people, connecting with people, and understanding people.

    I've noticed recently, however, that I do not enjoy people connecting with ME or understanding ME. It's almost like I dont want people to know I'm having a problem with something.

  4. #4
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    If I've opened myself up to anyone and they in some way use this information for nefarious or manipulative purposes, it's a quick way to find out who not to trust. That's why I have many layers of trust. Each layer reveals information of which only the inner most layer is information that can do damage.

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    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    I feel like there's no point in living if I can't ultimately reveal myself to the world, which in turn will help me to reveal myself to ... myself. I mean being accepted is very important to me - that is something I can't deny. But unless it's something life-threatening, I'm not going to worry about what others will think about/use the information that I tell them about myself. I am willing to justify all of my actions with honesty. Whether people are open to my justifications or not is not something I will ever be able to control, so I choose not to let this factor into any aspect of my decisions and interactions with people.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  6. #6
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Yes, I do. As much as I crave being able to do that..It makes me very aware that I still have a lot of imperfections to deal with, and makes me feel guilty that i burdened someone else with this. Oversharing...meh.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  7. #7
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    makes me feel guilty that i burdened someone else with this.
    How would it burden someone?
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    holy shit am I a feeler?
    if you like my avatar, it's because i took it myself! : D

  8. #8
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    overshare is defined as a dealbreaker to many. i am easily flattered by it.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Agreed. I pride myself on helping people, connecting with people, and understanding people.

    I've noticed recently, however, that I do not enjoy people connecting with ME or understanding ME. It's almost like I dont want people to know I'm having a problem with something.
    I always thought it was an "introversion" preference and I guess some of it is. It's as much not wanting people to be able to pinpoint us in our weakest moments/weakest states and us not accepting ourselves when we are less than perfect. I think emotional outbursts are very ugly and messy and god forbid I lose control of myself and lose my cool. It has happened and it has bought me closer to my loved ones because in that state, they were all there for me. And it surprised me. But I still don't feel comfortable doing it. We also idealize the people in front of us so we don't want to risk them not being there for us in the perfect way. It's a combination of different factors that makes it extremely unnatural and disturbing for me.

  10. #10
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I only regret opening up to people when they have absolutely no input to throw back at me or when it peaks their interest in me and I don't desire it.
    Someone having 'dirt' on me isn't nearly as bad of a feeling as laying who I am internally on the line and getting blank "deer in headlights" stares back. Also, sharing being misinterpreted as an open invitation to be all and try to date me. It can kill friendships, because their primary focus and the interaction switches gears.

    I would actually bow down to someone who properly utilized what I share with them in a negative way. Anyone who has trampled on my openness has done so unintentionally or just out of circumstance. Part of me would be proud of anyone who could really dig in there and honestly affect me, instead of constantly missing the mark. More of my friendships and relationships have ended because they didn't read into actual dirt and just created their own.
    But! I wouldn't view it as a bad idea. It is better to be open and learn of yourself and of the people you know through your openness, than it is to be closed up and unaware.
    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    The next day I usually think to myself, "that was a really bad idea, now they have "dirt" on me."
    This is your brain after an ENFJ.
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