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[NF] Do you regret opening up to people?

Synarch

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Which part? The claw-hammered-face-rapist? Or the secretive egoist?

I relate to your searching. Your grasping after things. The raw tender emotions that hide behind your words.

An interesting conversation would represent a pleasing novelty.

Hmm, I wonder.

Conflict does a better job of sharpening the wit than platitude. :)

Are you saying I purvey platitudes? Conventional expressions have their place. It's like soothing cream to dollop all over everything.

Conflict can also be a way for two bristly individuals to develop rapport.
 

Zoom

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Which mainstream? Are you asking whether "the mainstream" is banal? Sure. Almost by definition. But some mainstreams are more banal than others. ;)

Global mainstream and those specific to each country are interwoven to the point of being difficult to separate, and though the source of much of it could possibly be tied back to the US, I have seen much here worth experiencing and learning. Are ye dismissing the entire country? :jew:

Is it necessarily better to copy (if lightly) a form of banality - such as a country taking on some of the worst parts of American culture at the expense of their own - or to originate it?

Nice description.
I can "relate". ;)
I am silver and exact....unmisted by love or dislike

That poem is a lovely one I hadn't read in a while.
 

gromit

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It's possible. I admire people who are self-contained, and I really admire people who take risks, emotionally speaking. Those are alternative expressions of courage. The only people I can't admire are those who lose their shit constantly or those who use expressions of suffering to manipulate others. Both those things are contemptible, in my view.

I agree with it, more or less, and I forget even what I disagreed with before.
 

Tiltyred

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There's nothing to talk about if you're agreeable. You get more strokes if you present a problem (or, present as a problem).
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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I was thinking about this question of pity when someone opens up and although I can easily see a potential correlation, it is also foreign to me. It made me realize that some people discuss emotions in a more abstract way using moments of personal experience to demonstrate credibility or to just serve as an applied example of whatever social or emotional system is being discussed. When viewed with the following assumptions, pity just isn't a part of the process.

For example, if there was a discussion about growing up with alcoholic parents, and someone opened up about their experience, it wouldn't occur to me to pity them - or that they were seeking pity. It would establish information and their position in viewing that information. If they had learned from the experience and were able to look at it, define it, and create systems of thought making sense of it, then I would admire that and appreciate a type of expertise and strength they had developed. There are inexperienced, naive people online making big claims, so in discussions it helps if people approach things honestly and with openness to get a sense of where they are coming from. I suppose discussions could look for credibility in statistics and research, but if the focus is on personal impact, then it makes sense to explore it in that way.

Being on the receiving end of pity is not an enviable position, and I tend to doubt it is a common motivation. The assumption that emotional discussion correlates with pity assumes it also correlates with weakness. Most emotionally based discussions I perceive as being about how to be stronger - a person can't be strong if that hasn't been tested and placed at great risk (i.e. if they haven't been in a position of vulnerability). There isn't a way to know how strong a person is until you understand how they respond to vulnerability because that usually reduces a person to their core self pitted against obstacles. It's about seeing a person with all their advantages stripped away and seeing who they are and who they choose to become after that experience.
 

Salomé

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I relate to your searching. Your grasping after things. The raw tender emotions that hide behind your words.
LOL. I’m afraid I’m more cynical than you pretend not to be.
Are you saying I purvey platitudes?
No.
I’m saying that I find discord more stimulating than agreement/validation.
Is it necessarily better to copy (if lightly) a form of banality - such as a country taking on some of the worst parts of American culture at the expense of their own - or to originate it?
There is little of American culture that is truly original. Just a melting pot of diluted influences from elsewhere, with some added commercialism.
 

Thalassa

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Not usually because I'm a pretty open person and it feels good to share and connect, though sometimes I get hurt. Hurting is painful but sometimes you can learn things.

Like for example, you open up to Person X too quickly, and it freaks them out and they pull away, I can feel regret that opened up to them. But is not doing so a game? Is it false to play one's cards closer to one's chest, am I better off without Person X? Or should have I not opened up so fast.

In that case, there can be regret. Yet you can learn from regret.

The question is, do you learn to not be so open, or do you learn to just open up to a different kind of person?
 

rav3n

.
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The question is, do you learn to not be so open, or do you learn to just open up to a different kind of person?
Maybe it's a combination of a few things like opening up to the right person at a rate and manner that's comfortable to both of you. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing scenario.
 

Zoom

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There is little of American culture that is truly original. Just a melting pot of diluted influences from elsewhere, with some added commercialism.

I might suggest that being original is a bit difficult considering the amount of history cultures have to be compared against, but it most likely doesn't matter as it is. :)

Also, as it is a melting pot of other influences, what makes American culture more repugnant than others?
 

Salomé

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Also, considering it is a melting pot of other influences, what makes American culture more repugnant than others?

Ubiquity. :)

Did I say everything about it is repugnant? I don't think that. Aspects of it are quite charming, I'm sure.
In the context of this thread, one of the things I most dislike are the cringe-inducing confessional shows – Oprah, Jerry Springer – all that shit. The public airing of private grievances (or private joys). The sensationalist, crass, exploitative, mindless fluff that passes for entertainment (or news!). I blame the lowering of British reserve, inhibition and standards on American influence. X-Factor/Got Talent, for example, are despicable British inventions, ironically, from the brain of a man who demonstrates the greatest contempt for the people that make the format successful, but it was made possible because of the insidious absorption of American values: the cult of the individual, the overinflated sense of one’s own importance. The obsession with celebrity for celebrity’s sake (rather than any genuine accomplishment). Catering to the lowest common denominator and making commercial factors the only criteria for success.

On the other hand, they did give us some pretty good jazz...and Harley Davidsons... so it's not all bad. ;)
 

Froody Blue Gem

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When I trust a person and I find that I can open up to them, it is a relief. But there is usually stuff I constantly hold back on. There are times when I get closed off, and hold back, and I'm barely aware I'm doing it because it's a defense mechanism that happens on a subconscious level. This frustrates people who want to get to know me who I'm not 100% sure of.

There have been times I have regretted opening, because people have taken what I've told them and used it against me in the past when I thought I could trust them. Or when people want me to open up and say more than I'm ready to say. I tend to clam up and keep people like this at a distance. It's hard to know who I can trust and who I can't. When I let my guard down and am comfortable, there are times when I get into over-sharing territory when the rest of the time it's more undersharing territory.
 

Coriolis

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I rarely have cause to regret opening up to other people, because I rarely do it.
 

Fidelia

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I'm fairly judicious about what I share and with whom, even though I'm a relatively open person. I've rarely regretted telling people things.
 
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I have in the past. Then I became far more selective about who I imparted sensitive information to. Then of course there are different levels of trust even with the few people I confide in.
 

Galena

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I don’t do it with many people, so that eliminates a lot of potential regrets. But I also refuse to regret when I do, even if the results are flawed. The choice of where and when to open up isn’t calculated for me - the process is very difficult to describe, but what can be said for sure is that it is visceral in a way that placing “should have”s on it feels gross. There is an assumption in naming something “result” or “effect” that it is the end, but that whatever doesn’t spill past that boundary is no longer alive.
 

Abcdenfp

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All the damn time.
I never learn.. sometimes it's almost in defiance.. to hell with them I will not be a closed book .. I will be a open book.. this is who I am.. and if they judge me they judge me .. two years later why did I tell her every damn thing.
 

The Cat

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I never learn.. sometimes it's almost in defiance.. to hell with them I will not be a closed book .. I will be a open book.. this is who I am.. and if they judge me they judge me .. two years later why did I tell her every damn thing.

omg right? It's like a choice of evils it feels like, I feel so dead inside when I have to keep every little thing locked down. But then it's the worst when the sword erupts from your chest, and you turn around and huh I guess they werent worthy of my trust after all? And its hard to not like blame myself.
 

Lark

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I'm fairly judicious about what I share and with whom, even though I'm a relatively open person. I've rarely regretted telling people things.

Much the same here, with a few exceptions, those exceptions were really doozies though.
 

Firebird 8118

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It's not opening up to people that I regret, at least not anymore. It's holding back.
 
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