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  1. #81
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Where did you get these descriptions? They seem to ring true, but they are saddening to read. It feels like we're all broken products of our environment. I like your point about:

    I was drawn into this thread because of the comedy of extraverts unable to understand why anyone would need validation, and introverts insisting on their personal need for outside validation. Those positions are kind of contrary to the essence of introversion and extraversion.
    I like your point about there being a balance between engaging with the external world and keeping track of our internals. Both are so crucial, lean as we may to one side or other just by inclination or as life stages change.

  2. #82
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    I'm really open I posted my full name...

  3. #83
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    I have a lot going on internally.. I guess it's just the time of year.

    I am noticing that.. it's when I focus on giving love to others, and encouraging them to open up, that I learn to love myself and open up to others.

  4. #84
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    When I first opened myself up to people I did so fully. So much so that I lost my own choices in hopes that this would allow me to make friends. The only thing that has happened from this, for the most part, is my inability to say 'no'. I want to do everything with everyone, but this is ultimately unrealistic. I don't mean to sound pompous, but if I weren't so 'popular' or known I think I'd be a little happier, however I deal with extremes quite often meaning that if I deny people I deny them fully. I don't regret it as I'm made a great deal of relationships that I know I can trust. I just get tired of trying to be everywhere. I feel like it's a pressure for me to spend time with people and show to them and to others that they are special compared to the others. I don't like doing this. If I spend time with someone I do so equally with everyone else. It's an equality that I find comfortable. I just don't feel like others understand this concept.

    Most people I know are more 'You have to like one more than the other." where I ask the question, or make the statement "Why can't I enjoy them equally'. That's why I like the thought of Communism (whether it works or not is of no significance). I like equality.

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Do you ever regret opening up to someone?
    Yes. Obviously it becomes less intense as the time goes by but sometimes, when there's a response that I consider negative or I'm faced with my own inadequacy to convey my thoughts and feelings in a way I would like to because the way I'm doing it just creates more misunderstanding, then yes, I do have regrets about opening up. The feeling of being misunderstood, by somebody not even trying to understand is a hard pill to swallow but I guess one shouldn't have expectations in the first place.

  6. #86
    Member Serenes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Do you ever regret opening up to someone?

    Even my close friends when I show them my true feelings. My unfiltered thoughts, I feel really stupid afterwards. The next day I usually think to myself, "that was a really bad idea, now they have "dirt" on me."

    Do you feel like this sometimes? What do you think it comes from?
    Sometimes I have regretted sharing personal thoughts of mine.. It's like, at the right moment and time, I can feel excited and open up a lot to a friend because they can come across as very understanding. But then suddenly those positive feelings will start to subside when my excitement dies down and I'll start thinking about what I just shared more seriously to myself.

    I think it could be that I can get swept up in the 'moment', as in at the time the atmosphere between us was just good enough to be open (sensing their genuine openness, accepting, easy-going, peaceful, no one around etc.) so I get this urge to just share and connect with them on a more deeper level because it's a good chance to.

    But when I'm away from that 'moment' and more calm.. I'll start to introspect a lot about what was just talked about and start to worry if I sounded stupid or what they think of me. I guess it could be because of my own paranoia and self-esteem issues. I think the main reason why I'd regret telling them is because I don't want people I like to think badly of me and possibly not like me anymore. (If I didn't like them, then I wouldn't care as much). Them having 'dirt' on me doesn't bother me too much though... since I share those kinds of things knowing full well the possible consequences before I share it. The reasons for sharing in the first place is because I usually trust them enough and believe that they cherish the friendship. If they cherished the friendship, they wouldn't use the 'dirt' they have to backstab me or w/e, because they'll probably lose my friendship right away.

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Agreed. I pride myself on helping people, connecting with people, and understanding people.

    I've noticed recently, however, that I do not enjoy people connecting with ME or understanding ME. It's almost like I dont want people to know I'm having a problem with something.
    I recently sort of found this out about myself as well.. how I act with my friends. I like figuring out and understanding other people and to help them feel connected and accepted.. but if someone were to try and do that with me, I think I'd feel really uncomfortable. I think it still ties in with how I don't want people I like to think badly of me or reject me, so I don't want them to see my weaknesses and my insecurities. I rather share on my own terms when I am ready... instead of feeling like someone is trying to pry on my privacy... which is kinda funny and hypocritical of me I guess lol. Well, it's because I know I am not too judging so I can do that for people.. but I don't trust others enough to do the same for me probably. If someone I liked started to judge me negatively because of what I shared.. I think I'd be very hurt and withdraw.
    "You may be one person to the world, but to one person you may be the world."

  7. #87
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    It always comes with 3 presents. Acceptance, rejection and indifference. One just have to look at the big picture. And it's fine. And choose ones audience.

  8. #88
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Do you ever regret opening up to someone?
    Only when the confidence is betrayed.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  9. #89
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    not really. always aware of the consequences.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  10. #90
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Since I tend to share personal information as impersonal information and do it on instinct, sometimes the next day after reconsideration I wonder if I made a big mistake. Once you say things to someone, unless you give them a lobotomy, it's pretty much out there... and you no longer have control over who finds out.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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