I've not been manipulated too much in my life, and I usually see through it beforehand anyhow, but I've almost always felt like an idiot after opening up to others. I still do, and have been told I trust too easily by many. Probably my sx/sp's doing for opening up, and my sx/sp's doing for expressing myself and then feeling like an idiot, lol.
This stacking is very hot and cold. It seeks intimacy and will connect intensely with others but when feeling threatened will shut down just as quickly, particularly if sp is unhealthy and overinflates the underlying reasons for what it perceives are negative actions from the external source.
Almost always regret it. People are rarely very good at making even the ones they love feel accepted and validated, so most of the time I open up, it causes me to remember very clearly why I so rarely do it. I just end up feeling rejected, frustrated, and unappreciated. Better to curl up into my own private little ball and get over stuff on my own, then present my supportive face to the world once again.
“There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.” ~ John Rogers
When you are in a close relationship with someone (platonic or romantic) and you show a piece of yourself, you want them to be able to accept it. It isn't a need, but it is an intense desire. I think it comes from the want to be able to show the ridiculous hot mess that I am and someone say, "thats ok, I still think you're awesome."
This is an irony that really strikes me. Pain is probably the one thing humanity has most in common, and yet it is the one thing that most isolates us and causes us to misunderstand one another. I think it's because pain has a strong internal focus that tends to project outward. So if you tell someone about your pain, it triggers the memories of their own pain, and they warp and judge what has been said into the context of their own fears.
I'm cautious about opening up, but do see a reason to have personal honesty and openness along with mutual validation of one's pain and humanity. I think it can be important to share painful experiences because the more it triggers empathy and understanding of another perspective instead of that intense inner fear, judgment and prejudice, the more enlightened and able to solve problems humanity becomes.
I have also noticed that most everyone has what I would call a "sympathy debt", and until that is acknowledged, until they are validated for the difficulties they have faced, it is difficult for that person to be able to respond in empathy to another person's pain. When opening up I try to watch for any validation the person needs first and fill that or my own words can end up lost behind the wall of their own defensiveness.
I regret opening up when the reaction is one of distorted comprehension and judgment. It is especially bad if I have barely opened up and a person comes at me with a judgment and distorted concept of what is going on. It actually scares me a little if I can tell that they are reacting to me as though I am someone from their past who hurt them because that can cause a thick blindness. That leaves me with a reinforced sense of existential isolation and that strange, impenetrable irony that what we share most, pain, keeps us most distant from each other.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY
I don't think I have any such regret....but I am sometimes afraid of how well the message has been interpreted by the listener. I fear people might misconstrue the relative strength of what I shared and also its implications.
I can't say I do really. Not since I was a kid.
It can suck to make yourself vulnerable to someone and fail to get an appropriate response. But even that failure is useful information to refine your estimation of the relationship. So, no. No regrets.
My memory escapes me, as to how I've answered this question before, so perhaps I am being inconsistent. I'm generally forthcoming with more personal details than others would feel safe enough to expose, but that to me, is not opening up. I dislike giving others certain knowledge or influence over me, so I tend not to do that often or easily. "Opening up" is giving someone the ability to push me in a direction. I always grow to resent those whom I give this ability to. I'd rather not resent the ones I love. Seems counter-intuitive.