User Tag List

First 23456 Last

Results 31 to 40 of 130

  1. #31
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,025

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TacEight View Post
    I've not been manipulated too much in my life, and I usually see through it beforehand anyhow, but I've almost always felt like an idiot after opening up to others. I still do, and have been told I trust too easily by many. Probably my sx/sp's doing for opening up, and my sx/sp's doing for expressing myself and then feeling like an idiot, lol.
    This stacking is very hot and cold. It seeks intimacy and will connect intensely with others but when feeling threatened will shut down just as quickly, particularly if sp is unhealthy and overinflates the underlying reasons for what it perceives are negative actions from the external source.

  2. #32
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    Almost always regret it. People are rarely very good at making even the ones they love feel accepted and validated, so most of the time I open up, it causes me to remember very clearly why I so rarely do it. I just end up feeling rejected, frustrated, and unappreciated. Better to curl up into my own private little ball and get over stuff on my own, then present my supportive face to the world once again.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #33
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENXP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    296

    Default

    Why is it so hard to simply validate someone though?

  4. #34
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,025

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Why is it so hard to simply validate someone though?
    Why is it so necessary to be externally validated?

  5. #35
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENXP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    296

    Default

    I dont think its necessary. It is nice though.

    When you are in a close relationship with someone (platonic or romantic) and you show a piece of yourself, you want them to be able to accept it. It isn't a need, but it is an intense desire. I think it comes from the want to be able to show the ridiculous hot mess that I am and someone say, "thats ok, I still think you're awesome."

  6. #36
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,595

    Default

    This is an irony that really strikes me. Pain is probably the one thing humanity has most in common, and yet it is the one thing that most isolates us and causes us to misunderstand one another. I think it's because pain has a strong internal focus that tends to project outward. So if you tell someone about your pain, it triggers the memories of their own pain, and they warp and judge what has been said into the context of their own fears.

    I'm cautious about opening up, but do see a reason to have personal honesty and openness along with mutual validation of one's pain and humanity. I think it can be important to share painful experiences because the more it triggers empathy and understanding of another perspective instead of that intense inner fear, judgment and prejudice, the more enlightened and able to solve problems humanity becomes.

    I have also noticed that most everyone has what I would call a "sympathy debt", and until that is acknowledged, until they are validated for the difficulties they have faced, it is difficult for that person to be able to respond in empathy to another person's pain. When opening up I try to watch for any validation the person needs first and fill that or my own words can end up lost behind the wall of their own defensiveness.

    I regret opening up when the reaction is one of distorted comprehension and judgment. It is especially bad if I have barely opened up and a person comes at me with a judgment and distorted concept of what is going on. It actually scares me a little if I can tell that they are reacting to me as though I am someone from their past who hurt them because that can cause a thick blindness. That leaves me with a reinforced sense of existential isolation and that strange, impenetrable irony that what we share most, pain, keeps us most distant from each other.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  7. #37
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    14,031

    Default

    Do you ever regret opening up to someone?
    Never.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    I don't think I have any such regret....but I am sometimes afraid of how well the message has been interpreted by the listener. I fear people might misconstrue the relative strength of what I shared and also its implications.

  9. #39
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Socionics
    SLI None
    Posts
    6,168

    Default

    I have done things in my past that causes me to cringe that I myself would do such a thing... Many have involved me opening up.

  10. #40
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    8,193

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    That doesn't sound like you...

    I can't say I do really. Not since I was a kid.
    It can suck to make yourself vulnerable to someone and fail to get an appropriate response. But even that failure is useful information to refine your estimation of the relationship. So, no. No regrets.
    My memory escapes me, as to how I've answered this question before, so perhaps I am being inconsistent. I'm generally forthcoming with more personal details than others would feel safe enough to expose, but that to me, is not opening up. I dislike giving others certain knowledge or influence over me, so I tend not to do that often or easily. "Opening up" is giving someone the ability to push me in a direction. I always grow to resent those whom I give this ability to. I'd rather not resent the ones I love. Seems counter-intuitive.



Similar Threads

  1. Do you take things up only to drop them again?
    By Survive & Stay Free in forum Health and Fitness
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 07-14-2015, 10:30 AM
  2. Do you feel you're not up to your type?
    By UnitOfPopulation in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: 05-13-2013, 11:37 AM
  3. [ENFJ] When do you ENFJs open up?
    By DoggyGirl in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 07-09-2011, 02:30 AM
  4. [MBTItm] NFs, do you get tired of giving people "the benefit of the doubt"?
    By chatoyer in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 07-30-2009, 05:57 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO