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  1. #91
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Recently I exposed my deepest thoughts, putting me in a vulnerable position. My motivation was mixed, in partially the act was manipulative, and partially it was expressive. I only regret the manipulative aspect in that it I wish I could've found a better way to do it. I don't regret anything else even though the results were near as bad as I could've imagined. Basically, it resulted in a lot of things that were personal to me being broadcasted to a lot of people with a lot of negative effects.

    In the end, I couldn't dispute the rumors, and in a way it was a mirror held up to my face on the equivalent of a very unflattering morning. I laid low for a bit, I used that experience to fix those things I didn't like seeing. People that respected before came back, people who didn't, didn't. And incidentals complimented me on my changes. All within 6 months a 'crawl in a hole and die' experience left me in a better place than if it hadn't happened.

    Regret, with a big 'R', is really too passive an activity.

  2. #92
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Do you ever regret opening up to someone?

    Even my close friends when I show them my true feelings. My unfiltered thoughts, I feel really stupid afterwards. The next day I usually think to myself, "that was a really bad idea, now they have "dirt" on me."

    Do you feel like this sometimes? What do you think it comes from?
    I actually think that in this day and age people should be much more reticient and not feel compelled to share their inner most self all the time. I also think there's something maturational about this, people should as they grow up develop a proper sense of self and individuality that they will require less and less others to share their innermost selves and dialogue with, they can manage it themselves.

  3. #93
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    I admire when people are comfortable being open. I admire it in myself when I can jump free of the fears of judgment and just be myself. I have a hard time opening up, really opening up. The hard things to admit can grant you strength and relationship with others. I have noticed that if I open up, acknowledge fears and such, it can give permission to others to share themselves as well or to see my vulnerability and have it awaken empathy and understanding in their own breast. At the end of the day, perhaps it is self-serving, but part of my journey through relating is to trust exposing my vulnerabilities to others. Almost universally, these expressions of the truth of my own feelings have been met with extreme kindness and humanity. It has tended to improve my feeling of respect for others.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #94
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    People are kind because they like to see other's vulnerabilities exposed - it makes them feel superior, which makes them feel good about themselves.
    I've always resented the way that emotional incontinence is rewarded with sympathy, whereas emotional resilience is condemned as "inhuman".
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    People are kind because they like to see other's vulnerabilities exposed - it makes them feel superior, which makes them feel good about themselves.
    I like it because it makes me feel like I can relate to people when I see that they struggle with things too, that I'm not the only one who has a hard time, it makes me feel similar to others, but not superior. It's nice when people see my vulnerabilities and don't judge me but accept me anyway.

    I don't think emotional resilience is inhuman though. I think it's a good thing as well.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I don't think emotional resilience is inhuman though. I think it's a good thing as well.
    And to me, emotional resilience does not mean closed off. It just means you can bounce back. Being open and resilient are not exclusive, I think they tend to go together.

  7. #97
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    I like it because it makes me feel like I can relate to people when I see that they struggle with things too, that I'm not the only one who has a hard time, it makes me feel similar to others, but not superior. It's nice when people see my vulnerabilities and don't judge me but accept me anyway.
    Don't you think it's terribly egocentric that we have to be able to "relate" to people in order to like them? And specifically, relate to the things that make them weak - their vulnerabilities.

    It's no coincidence that "like" and "alike" are so alike...
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #98
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    People are kind because they like to see other's vulnerabilities exposed - it makes them feel superior, which makes them feel good about themselves.
    I've always resented the way that emotional incontinence is rewarded with sympathy, whereas emotional resilience is condemned as "inhuman".
    I'm not going to argue that people are always kind for good reasons, but I have witnessed people who appeared kind with no other motive. It is humbling to meet such a rare person. I do like your phrase "emotional incontinence". It is quite evocative! I do think we are biased against people who do not "share", unfortunately. But, all too often, the rare sharing is met without respect and attentiveness so we can mistakenly train people to keep things to themselves by way of operating superficially. I am a horrible listener (working on it), but sometimes just simply listening and acknowledging can affect more relating than what passes for "kindness".
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  9. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    Don't you think it's terribly egocentric that we have to be able to "relate" to people in order to like them? And specifically, relate to the things that make them weak - their vulnerabilities.

    It's no coincidence that "like" and "alike" are so alike...
    I didn't say in order to like them. I said to RELATE to them. I typically already like and probably even admire the person, anyway.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  10. #100
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    Don't you think it's terribly egocentric that we have to be able to "relate" to people in order to like them? And specifically, relate to the things that make them weak - their vulnerabilities.
    Yes, definitely.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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