Initial attraction is almost purely intellectual. I love in depth conversation with intelligent and open minded people. I personally find them so rarely in my every day life.
The qualities that facilitate transition into an actual relationship are numerous and quite a bit more involved.
Occasionally I'll have a positive intuitive feeling about someone, and unexplainable attraction...never sexual, just friendly... that's always a good sign.
You and me both.
I sometimes feel pretty cursed by the NF thing because I don't just want, I require, an all-systems fusion. Add that to a weird peculiarity in my attractions plus my need to be sure of what I'm seeing (which entails some passage of time to get to know him better), and you have "alone forever" lurking at the end of the equation.
I didn't realize this about myself until I met someone with whom this is seeming actually possible. I think I had a vague idea of, "oh wouldn't it be nice?" Had engaged in several relationships where I settled, but ultimately couldn't keep it up. I had an idea that it would never happen for me, I was being too picky.
Then I had the most strange courtship experience... I made an intellectual connection with someone, a friendship that evolved into a months long extended interview between two strangely passionate persons.
We were both in a relationship at the time, and not really particularly looking for anything else. When we began to compare notes, both admitting to settling with our current companions. It started with discussing that we both wanted to some day be married and raise a family, and what reasons we had for feeling apprehensions about our current companions. Then probing one another about values, proper ways to handle various situations, child rearing ideas, personal strengths and weaknesses, what kinds of things we would want out of our ideal partners, etc.
So at first there was this very stimulating intellectual discourse attraction that could have been anything, then this objective realization that this person shares my aspirations, my values, my ideas about everything important and has certain aspects that bolster my weaknesses and I theirs, then we found we like all the same foods, all the same music, we had similar childhood experiences, and a difference in IQ of exactly 3 points... it was bizarre, it is bizarre. After that we figured we wanted to explore "us" and admitted that we were quickly developing feelings for one another. So we ended our relationships and decided to see what would happen.
So far, the single most pleasant dating experience of my life. I'm stunned with how well we handle our issues, in other relationships it was this massive dramatic drawn out frustrating process...misunderstandings up to wazoo. We rarely have them, when we do it's usually caused by anxiety from previous relationships or experiences, we talk about it, we talk about what would help to fix or at least lessen the anxiety/problem, and those needs then get attended to right away.
I guess... don't lose hope?
