• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] NFs; what do you find attractive?

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
I find it very difficult to find an attractive person. I wish I could be like some of my friends who see somebody good looking walking down the street and instantly fall for them. I don't think looks are all that important. Maybe I'm just too critical or selective. So what attracts you folks to a possible mate?
 

Mempy

Mamma said knock you out
Joined
Jul 29, 2007
Messages
2,227
Are you asking for what physically attracts us, or what attracts us mentally and psychologically? Granted, you could say all attraction takes place in the brain, whether it's lust or compassion or loyalty. Are you looking for anything and everything that attracts us?
 

allison

New member
Joined
Dec 23, 2007
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INFp
I'm like you. Looks really don't matter all that much to me; personality is far more important. I also find it hard to be physically attracted to someone if I'm not mentally/emotionally attracted as well. However, I find that I'm usually attracted to guys with dark hair. Eye color doesn't matter so much, but I love the dark hair. I also love for them to be taller than me (doesn't take much, by the way) and I like 'em skinny. I really don't have much of a preference, but these are the kind of guys I'm typically attracted to.

As for personality, I usually like someone outgoing because I'm introverted. Definitely someone who can make me laugh, and someone I can have fun with. I'm kind of "one of the guys" and have a pretty good amount of guy friends, so I also need someone who can handle that and not get jealous. I love light-hearted, easygoing guys with a good sense of humor. I prefer someone who can have a meaningful conversation with me, someone who thinks and feels as deeply as I do, but it's not necessary, as long as they understand that I'm like that.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
I find it very difficult to find an attractive person. I wish I could be like some of my friends who see somebody good looking walking down the street and instantly fall for them. I don't think looks are all that important. Maybe I'm just too critical or selective. So what attracts you folks to a possible mate?

I need a mind that understands. Ni is attracted mainly to the mind. Then there are other little things... mutual attraction, humor, ease in communication, personality. I suppose these things are difficult to pick out at a glance.

Physical attractiveness is nice... but it's not something I require. All this makes me sound cold... but I do like hugs and kisses. :wubbie:
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I can't remember what I said about attractiveness, but I'm peculiar too, Kid. Something just strikes me right between the eyes and I can never know what it is until some time later when I've had a chance to really get a good look at him or her that says "I'm electric - plug me in! :) "

Almost always it has something to do with their confidence levels, quick-wittedness and their strong (I or E) personalities. I like some flash in the eyes. Whatever it is that sets off the "mongoose-cobra" tangle.

"Too pretty" people (self-consciously or synthetically) turn me off.
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
Are you asking for what physically attracts us, or what attracts us mentally and psychologically? Granted, you could say all attraction takes place in the brain, whether it's lust or compassion or loyalty. Are you looking for anything and everything that attracts us?

Granted, I was looking for the most attractive thing an NF would find in a potential mate.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Ni - mental (based on INFJs I know)
Ne - confidence (based on my ENFP sister)
Fi - avant garde
Fe - death wish swinging from a chandelier

lol

I say these things loosely. :dry: :D
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
Ni - mental (based on INFJs I know)
Ne - confidence (based on my ENFP sister)
Fi - avant garde
Fe - death wish swinging from a chandelier

lol

I say these things loosely. :dry: :D

Hm....I'm guessing the mental connection has to extend well beyond simple intelligence. I dated an INTJ who was extremely intelligent, but we were so incompatible it was sad. He always seemed so insensitive and critical, a good friend but a lousy potential mate.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Hm....I'm guessing the mental connection has to extend well beyond simple intelligence. I dated an INTJ who was extremely intelligent, but we were so incompatible it was sad. He always seemed so insensitive and critical, a good friend but a lousy potential mate.

Agreed. The mental component, while very necessary (at least speaking for myself... I love-love a smart man...), isn't everything. There *must* be some all-systems fusion from the get-go. My kind of magic. The Piranha "it" factor.

I've tried that method of 'waiting it out' and it doesn't work. You can't make a whole relationship out of just one or two aspects. You have to have it all clicking into place.

I dated this guy once, the funniest guy I or anyone else had ever met. We had interests in common and he was a good person, but I just couldn't, I don't know. He wasn't right for me. Pretending to be cool with him when I wasn't was the biggest mistake. I've learned to stop trying to talk myself into things for "practical" reasons because it just makes a mess.
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
Agreed. The mental component, while very necessary (at least speaking for myself... I love-love a smart man...), isn't everything. There *must* be some all-systems fusion from the get-go. My kind of magic. The Piranha "it" factor.

I've tried that method of 'waiting it out' and it doesn't work. You can't make a whole relationship out of just one or two aspects. You have to have it all clicking into place.

I dated this guy once, the funniest guy I or anyone else had ever met. We had interests in common and he was a good person, but I just couldn't, I don't know. He wasn't right for me. Pretending to be cool with him when I wasn't was the biggest mistake. I've learned to stop trying to talk myself into things for "practical" reasons because it just makes a mess.

Well the difficulty I seem to be having is finding somebody I have that "all-system fusion" with. But I agree, the worst mistake I think I have ever made was going with a guy I just wasn't attracted to. Trying to make yourself be attracted to a person is just unfair to yourself and to the other person.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Well the difficulty I seem to be having is finding somebody I have that "all-system fusion" with. But I agree, the worst mistake I think I have ever made was going with a guy I just wasn't attracted to. Trying to make yourself be attracted to a person is just unfair to yourself and to the other person.

You and me both.

I sometimes feel pretty cursed by the NF thing because I don't just want, I require, an all-systems fusion. Add that to a weird peculiarity in my attractions plus my need to be sure of what I'm seeing (which entails some passage of time to get to know him better), and you have "alone forever" lurking at the end of the equation.

My older sister tried to push me into various practical arrangements. She's a very cut-and-dry ST and she honestly meant well, but she was coming at it from her perspective. She told me she'd LIKE to marry for love, but it wasn't necessary. I was astonished when she said that. I mean, I see her point, but I couldn't ever see myself marrying for anything other than love. If I did, it would be a desperate maneuver and the man involved would be relegated to caretaker status, which I KNOW isn't what a man wants out of me. She told me that I would just have to get over my "idealism" and stop behaving like I've got the time to burn and the choice to be attracted.

Maybe I don't. Maybe she was right.

But it doesn't change the nuts and bolts of the matter for an NF like me. I'd be miserable married to someone that I wasn't all-in for.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
I could sit here in this solitary environment and write a grand dissertation of the qualities and characteristics I find attractive, but alas, that would do or procure nothing.

-meh men

-meh mating
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
You and me both.

I sometimes feel pretty cursed by the NF thing because I don't just want, I require, an all-systems fusion. Add that to a weird peculiarity in my attractions plus my need to be sure of what I'm seeing (which entails some passage of time to get to know him better), and you have "alone forever" lurking at the end of the equation.

My older sister tried to push me into various practical arrangements. She's a very cut-and-dry ST and she honestly meant well, but she was coming at it from her perspective. She told me she'd LIKE to marry for love, but it wasn't necessary. I was astonished when she said that. I mean, I see her point, but I couldn't ever see myself marrying for anything other than love. If I did, it would be a desperate maneuver and the man involved would be relegated to caretaker status, which I KNOW isn't what a man wants out of me. She told me that I would just have to get over my "idealism" and stop behaving like I've got the time to burn and the choice to be attracted.

Maybe I don't. Maybe she was right.

But it doesn't change the nuts and bolts of the matter for an NF like me. I'd be miserable married to someone that I wasn't all-in for.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to accept that because I'm an NF it is an all or nothing proposition. Better to be alone than to be stuck with someone I'm miserable with. I guess I'll just have to get to know as many people as possible and overtime I might get lucky and if not, then I'm okay with that.
 

wedekit

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
694
MBTI Type
INFJ
Good looks may not be the most vital point, but there still has to be some kind of attraction in that aspect for me. I prefer a nice face over a nice body. I prefer guys that have just as much as an imaginative capacity as I do, but actually act on it, unlike me. "Ideally" (hilarious, since we're idealists) I want someone who I balance out but who also balances out me.

I prefer order and watching, while my ideal mate prefers spontaneity (not overboard though) and doing. Together we would (hopefully) find balance and grow as people together. I must admit that I fall for the cynical/skeptical guys, which would also balance out since I am an optimist.

Of course, I have been told that one day I will have to admit that there is no ideal love out there waiting for me... but I can still dream; and when I do I dream big.
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
Granted, I was looking for the most attractive thing an NF would find in a potential mate.


I was tired last night and read the post different. I thought you were specifically asking what NF would find attractive in someone walking down the street. ;)

I seem to be attracted to Ni in a mate.
Idealism
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
It's strictly Ti or Ne, for me.

But sometimes, an INFP pops up. :D
 
Top