alt title: why Ne is a bitch.
and other NFs.
i'm a career-searching recent graduate, as you guys may or may not have heard me talk about (it's been my recent obsession, haha). and i've done enough research where i'm at a point that i'm ready to be done with thinking and start acting.
the thing is, the career path i think i want to go into (becoming a physician) sends up red flags all over Ne-land. what makes me hesitate is that, prior to knowing the MBTI, i probably wouldn't be so concerned... but i can't tell whether this is me better knowing myself and being aware of my pitfalls, or projecting worries that wouldn't surface otherwise. i've already begun down this path a little in securing a job at a hospital (haven't started yet) and i don't know if all these red flags are just popping up because i'm scared that i've locked myself in, or because they're genuine concerns.
what i mean is:
doctors (stereotype): confident, dedicated, work long hours, not have a lot of room outside their jobs to do what they want, precise, not messing up otherwise they get their butts sued, etc etc
which kind of flies in the face of Ne. kind of. not completely. but i'm worried about feeling locked in, getting sick of being around sick people, getting sick of other doctors, being stuck in one place and not having time to travel, messing up or getting too emotional and getting a bad reputation or sued, not being confident enough to make diagnoses, etc. on the other hand, part of me says i could be a great doctor (probably OB/GYN or pediatrician specialist) because i'm curious, warm, sensitive, passionate... intellectual but with an awesome bedside manner. i spent my early life in hospitals/doctors' offices and am comfortable in them and with medicine in general. and when someone IRL is hurt, i jump to take control of the situation. i feel like i'm in my element. i'm calm and confident, and pleased with myself once i'm done.
the other career path i'm considering is being a reporter. it's always listed for ENFP careers. it's long hours too, but gives me more space to move around. i'm good at writing, i like being in the public eye, and it's wide and varied. i'd get to learn about everything, not just one field. it's not well-paid and it's stressful, though, and i've heard you need a thick skin. and maybe i'd love the freedom, but is someone else dictating where you travel and what you learn about really freedom? i'm not sure. i've been around newsrooms and i'm not sure i like the atmosphere. i also kind of suck at deadlines. medical deadlines seem easier because it's in-the-moment. reporter deadlines seem more like homework. and man do i suck at being on time with homework. and no security or structure... part of me thinks i really need that. but reporter is sounding more appealing to me recently - i suspect because i've now gotten a job in medicine.
i guess it sounds like Ne and Fi are fighting... i guess i'm scared that i'll lose my freedom if i'm a doctor and i won't be able to make a satisfying living and won't have the security that i want if i'm a reporter.
Ne Fi smackdown
(mediated by Ne, which is a bitch, because i can see all the potential great and terrible things but i can't tell which ones ultimately outweigh the others.)
ps - i know there are ways of reconciling these things when i'm older and have some money under my belt, but for now, i have to start down a single path...