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Thread: be yourself.

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Default be yourself.

    istp told me that sometimes i do not act like myself around certain people. initially, i was offended by this, but then i started thinking maybe this is true. especially because this has been pointed out to me more than once by people i have been dating.

    my analysis is that i know i have my two-sided personality. the deeper, introspective me and the mad-hype puppy love bouncy me... they are both ME! i tried to explain this, but istp kept arguing that i should "be myself" and relax around his friends. i am being myself! i'm just guarding what is important to me (the inner part), just as i would assume other people would do. it seems this is not that unusual, and i don't think that i'm putting up a front. i'm just not laying it all out there. istp seems to think that everyone would love me if they knew the "real me," (i.e. less bubbly extroverted) and i get what he's saying, but i don't think he's right. it's not that i feel like i have something to prove (altho, who are we kidding -- i'm enfp and love attention)... i don't know.

    i feel like i did a really poor job of explaining this to istp... and to make matters worse... the waterworks started... the whole NF misunderstood, taking his comments personally crap.... followed by the routine apologies for being overemotional. hahaha. ridiculous.

    point is, do any other enfps experience this? am i not being myself? and if i am, like i think i probably am, what is a better way to explain this to someone else?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    The reason why ENFPs aren't always "themselves" in every situation is about being afraid of being judged. Period.

    Maybe you are afraid your SO will judge you for something you saw amongst his friends, maybe you are afraid his friends will judge you...


    Just be yourself. Don't care what other people think, not even your SO. But don't extrovert from a place of wanting attention. It has to be a cool kind of extroverting...you say what your self thinks needs to be said when it needs to be said. Completely at peace with who you are, and realizing nothing you say should make you feel ashamed of yourself.

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    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    i am being myself! i'm just guarding what is important to me (the inner part), just as i would assume other people would do. it seems this is not that unusual, and i don't think that i'm putting up a front. i'm just not laying it all out there.
    yeah. me too.

    some people very close to me have told me that i shift to fit other groups, but i don't see why it's a problem. i mean, if i'm with a group of people who are doing outdoor sports, then i'll be more daring and outgoing. it fits the environment. if i'm with a group of artists lying around and doodling, then yeah, i'll be quieter and sillier. all of those facets are me, but i like taking on different versions of me. it's like "i can be anything i want to be". why limit myself to being one consistent thing all the time because someone else wants me to? i just have a lot of different facets, and some of them are kind of contradictory in nature.

    i'm working on having the confidence to always lay it all out there, but i don't think it should be an obligation to, either. everyone is entitled to some degree of privacy.

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    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    yeah. me too.

    some people very close to me have told me that i shift to fit other groups, but i don't see why it's a problem. i mean, if i'm with a group of people who are doing outdoor sports, then i'll be more daring and outgoing. it fits the environment. if i'm with a group of artists lying around and doodling, then yeah, i'll be quieter and sillier. all of those facets are me, but i like taking on different versions of me. it's like "i can be anything i want to be". why limit myself to being one consistent thing all the time because someone else wants me to? i just have a lot of different facets, and some of them are kind of contradictory in nature.

    i'm working on having the confidence to always lay it all out there, but i don't think it should be an obligation to, either. everyone is entitled to some degree of privacy.
    Does not compute.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    yeah. me too.

    some people very close to me have told me that i shift to fit other groups, but i don't see why it's a problem. i mean, if i'm with a group of people who are doing outdoor sports, then i'll be more daring and outgoing. it fits the environment. if i'm with a group of artists lying around and doodling, then yeah, i'll be quieter and sillier. all of those facets are me, but i like taking on different versions of me. it's like "i can be anything i want to be". why limit myself to being one consistent thing all the time because someone else wants me to? i just have a lot of different facets, and some of them are kind of contradictory in nature.

    i'm working on having the confidence to always lay it all out there, but i don't think it should be an obligation to, either. everyone is entitled to some degree of privacy.
    Does not compute.

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    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    You're probably not secure with yourself yet. You will be one day. It's certainly nothing to apologise for. If anything, that person should mind their damn business or offer you a solution (a la "you're so cool when you're with me, you don't need to act like them").

  7. #7
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Yes, all the time. Just tell your ISTP that different people and situations bring out different aspects of your personality. Evidently, his friends energize you in a way that he does not. Tell him that "relaxing" would require you to suppress yourself, which is unnatural, uncomfortable, and "not yourself".

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

  8. #8
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    The reason why ENFPs aren't always "themselves" in every situation is about being afraid of being judged. Period.

    Maybe you are afraid your SO will judge you for something you saw amongst his friends, maybe you are afraid his friends will judge you...


    Just be yourself. Don't care what other people think, not even your SO. But don't extrovert from a place of wanting attention. It has to be a cool kind of extroverting...you say what your self thinks needs to be said when it needs to be said. Completely at peace with who you are, and realizing nothing you say should make you feel ashamed of yourself.
    In my mind, insecurity would make one speak less for fear of being judged. ENFPs are almost always criticized for being TOO hyper, not not hyper enough. Rachelinpa is being accused of artificially pumping herself up in front of the ISTP's friends, which isn't something an ENFP would do if they feared being judged.


    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    You're probably not secure with yourself yet. You will be one day. It's certainly nothing to apologise for. If anything, that person should mind their damn business or offer you a solution (a la "you're so cool when you're with me, you don't need to act like them").
    You're assuming that she isn't being herself. Her point is that she IS being herself. ENFPs by nature adapt to their environments while remaining grounded by their values. To act similarly across a spectrum of situations would require tremendous self-control, because it is NOT NATURAL FOR US. Insecurity has nothing to do with it.

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

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    You can never be anyone else but yourself. No matter how you behave.. It's you.. who else is it going to be?

    On that note.. no one behaves with 100% consistency. Moods ,situations and the people present at any given time will alter your behavior.

    When I am with a girlfriend is not how I am going to behave when I am with my mother or at work.

    No matter.. Each behavior is still me,despite how different they might appear to an observer.

  10. #10
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    In my mind, insecurity would make one speak less for fear of being judged. ENFPs are almost always criticized for being TOO hyper, not not hyper enough. Rachelinpa is being accused of artificially pumping herself up in front of the ISTP's friends, which isn't something an ENFP would do if they feared being judged.

    You're assuming that she isn't being herself. Her point is that she IS being herself. ENFPs by nature adapt to their environments while remaining grounded by their values. To act similarly across a spectrum of situations would require tremendous self-control, because it is NOT NATURAL FOR US. Insecurity has nothing to do with it.

    Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I was seeing her as a person not a "type" belonging to a theory with dubious merit. Next time I have anything to say to her I'll just say it to you since you two share some bond that allows you to answer for her.

    Shit, I'll just let you write my posts from now on since you have such a clear view into my head.

    What's it like to be so fucking brilliant? And for everyone else to draw the false assumptions?

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