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[ENFP] be yourself.

Rachelinpa

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
istp told me that sometimes i do not act like myself around certain people. initially, i was offended by this, but then i started thinking maybe this is true. especially because this has been pointed out to me more than once by people i have been dating.

my analysis is that i know i have my two-sided personality. the deeper, introspective me and the mad-hype puppy love bouncy me... they are both ME! i tried to explain this, but istp kept arguing that i should "be myself" and relax around his friends. i am being myself! i'm just guarding what is important to me (the inner part), just as i would assume other people would do. it seems this is not that unusual, and i don't think that i'm putting up a front. i'm just not laying it all out there. istp seems to think that everyone would love me if they knew the "real me," (i.e. less bubbly extroverted) and i get what he's saying, but i don't think he's right. it's not that i feel like i have something to prove (altho, who are we kidding -- i'm enfp and love attention)... i don't know.

i feel like i did a really poor job of explaining this to istp... and to make matters worse... the waterworks started... the whole NF misunderstood, taking his comments personally crap.... followed by the routine apologies for being overemotional. hahaha. ridiculous.

point is, do any other enfps experience this? am i not being myself? and if i am, like i think i probably am, what is a better way to explain this to someone else?
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
The reason why ENFPs aren't always "themselves" in every situation is about being afraid of being judged. Period.

Maybe you are afraid your SO will judge you for something you saw amongst his friends, maybe you are afraid his friends will judge you...


Just be yourself. Don't care what other people think, not even your SO. But don't extrovert from a place of wanting attention. It has to be a cool kind of extroverting...you say what your self thinks needs to be said when it needs to be said. Completely at peace with who you are, and realizing nothing you say should make you feel ashamed of yourself.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
i am being myself! i'm just guarding what is important to me (the inner part), just as i would assume other people would do. it seems this is not that unusual, and i don't think that i'm putting up a front. i'm just not laying it all out there.

yeah. me too.

some people very close to me have told me that i shift to fit other groups, but i don't see why it's a problem. i mean, if i'm with a group of people who are doing outdoor sports, then i'll be more daring and outgoing. it fits the environment. if i'm with a group of artists lying around and doodling, then yeah, i'll be quieter and sillier. all of those facets are me, but i like taking on different versions of me. it's like "i can be anything i want to be". why limit myself to being one consistent thing all the time because someone else wants me to? i just have a lot of different facets, and some of them are kind of contradictory in nature. :shrug:

i'm working on having the confidence to always lay it all out there, but i don't think it should be an obligation to, either. everyone is entitled to some degree of privacy.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
yeah. me too.

some people very close to me have told me that i shift to fit other groups, but i don't see why it's a problem. i mean, if i'm with a group of people who are doing outdoor sports, then i'll be more daring and outgoing. it fits the environment. if i'm with a group of artists lying around and doodling, then yeah, i'll be quieter and sillier. all of those facets are me, but i like taking on different versions of me. it's like "i can be anything i want to be". why limit myself to being one consistent thing all the time because someone else wants me to? i just have a lot of different facets, and some of them are kind of contradictory in nature. :shrug:

i'm working on having the confidence to always lay it all out there, but i don't think it should be an obligation to, either. everyone is entitled to some degree of privacy.

Does not compute.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
yeah. me too.

some people very close to me have told me that i shift to fit other groups, but i don't see why it's a problem. i mean, if i'm with a group of people who are doing outdoor sports, then i'll be more daring and outgoing. it fits the environment. if i'm with a group of artists lying around and doodling, then yeah, i'll be quieter and sillier. all of those facets are me, but i like taking on different versions of me. it's like "i can be anything i want to be". why limit myself to being one consistent thing all the time because someone else wants me to? i just have a lot of different facets, and some of them are kind of contradictory in nature. :shrug:

i'm working on having the confidence to always lay it all out there, but i don't think it should be an obligation to, either. everyone is entitled to some degree of privacy.

Does not compute.
 

disregard

mrs
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
7,826
MBTI Type
INFP
You're probably not secure with yourself yet. You will be one day. It's certainly nothing to apologise for. If anything, that person should mind their damn business or offer you a solution (a la "you're so cool when you're with me, you don't need to act like them").
 

phoenix13

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,293
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Yes, all the time. Just tell your ISTP that different people and situations bring out different aspects of your personality. Evidently, his friends energize you in a way that he does not. Tell him that "relaxing" would require you to suppress yourself, which is unnatural, uncomfortable, and "not yourself".
 

phoenix13

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Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
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7w8
The reason why ENFPs aren't always "themselves" in every situation is about being afraid of being judged. Period.

Maybe you are afraid your SO will judge you for something you saw amongst his friends, maybe you are afraid his friends will judge you...


Just be yourself. Don't care what other people think, not even your SO. But don't extrovert from a place of wanting attention. It has to be a cool kind of extroverting...you say what your self thinks needs to be said when it needs to be said. Completely at peace with who you are, and realizing nothing you say should make you feel ashamed of yourself.

In my mind, insecurity would make one speak less for fear of being judged. ENFPs are almost always criticized for being TOO hyper, not not hyper enough. Rachelinpa is being accused of artificially pumping herself up in front of the ISTP's friends, which isn't something an ENFP would do if they feared being judged.


You're probably not secure with yourself yet. You will be one day. It's certainly nothing to apologise for. If anything, that person should mind their damn business or offer you a solution (a la "you're so cool when you're with me, you don't need to act like them").

You're assuming that she isn't being herself. Her point is that she IS being herself. ENFPs by nature adapt to their environments while remaining grounded by their values. To act similarly across a spectrum of situations would require tremendous self-control, because it is NOT NATURAL FOR US. Insecurity has nothing to do with it.
 

Arclight

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
3,177
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
You can never be anyone else but yourself. No matter how you behave.. It's you.. who else is it going to be?

On that note.. no one behaves with 100% consistency. Moods ,situations and the people present at any given time will alter your behavior.

When I am with a girlfriend is not how I am going to behave when I am with my mother or at work.

No matter.. Each behavior is still me,despite how different they might appear to an observer.
 

disregard

mrs
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
7,826
MBTI Type
INFP
In my mind, insecurity would make one speak less for fear of being judged. ENFPs are almost always criticized for being TOO hyper, not not hyper enough. Rachelinpa is being accused of artificially pumping herself up in front of the ISTP's friends, which isn't something an ENFP would do if they feared being judged.

You're assuming that she isn't being herself. Her point is that she IS being herself. ENFPs by nature adapt to their environments while remaining grounded by their values. To act similarly across a spectrum of situations would require tremendous self-control, because it is NOT NATURAL FOR US. Insecurity has nothing to do with it.


Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I was seeing her as a person not a "type" belonging to a theory with dubious merit. Next time I have anything to say to her I'll just say it to you since you two share some bond that allows you to answer for her.

Shit, I'll just let you write my posts from now on since you have such a clear view into my head.

What's it like to be so fucking brilliant? And for everyone else to draw the false assumptions?
 

Synapse

New member
Joined
Dec 29, 2007
Messages
3,359
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4
Oh oh, I know, I know. Puts my hand up.

Your tapping into your game face and and your poker face. :D
You know like gently exfoliating your skin one minute then bungee jumping the next.
Shifting gear sticks between energy states and moods and adapting to the energy states you find yourself in. Of course this is also an intuitive thing more than an introverted or extroverted thing I think. Its like when your in class your in a focus state where as in a playground totally different and at work different again. You show different energy states for different energy states maybe.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
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ISFJ
In my mind, insecurity would make one speak less for fear of being judged. ENFPs are almost always criticized for being TOO hyper, not not hyper enough. Rachelinpa is being accused of artificially pumping herself up in front of the ISTP's friends, which isn't something an ENFP would do if they feared being judged.

Well i can imagine a scenario where the ENFP would sort of force extroversion, force the being hyper to get feedback.

That's insecurity too.
 

skylights

i love
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
7,756
MBTI Type
INFP
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6w7
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Does not compute.

what about it doesn't compute? doesn't everyone adapt to situations somewhat? one is quieter in a nice restaurant; louder outside playing tag. spontaneous on vacation; focused during test-taking. to me it seems very natural

You're assuming that she isn't being herself. Her point is that she IS being herself. ENFPs by nature adapt to their environments while remaining grounded by their values. To act similarly across a spectrum of situations would require tremendous self-control, because it is NOT NATURAL FOR US. Insecurity has nothing to do with it.

:yes:

it'd also, ironically, require... well, not being ourselves. to act the same all the time... that'd be awful. i couldn't be all the things that i am.

we're actually probably more likely to change if we are secure, because we don't feel like we're restricted by needing to be accepted.

You can never be anyone else but yourself. No matter how you behave.. It's you.. who else is it going to be?

On that note.. no one behaves with 100% consistency. Moods ,situations and the people present at any given time will alter your behavior.

When I am with a girlfriend is not how I am going to behave when I am with my mother or at work.

No matter.. Each behavior is still me,despite how different they might appear to an observer.

yes exactly!

i understand how it could be frustrating to someone to not be able to understand me because i change a lot though. sometimes it's hard for me to understand me because i change a lot. lol.
 

Snuggletron

Reptilian
Joined
Sep 25, 2009
Messages
2,224
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
10
You can never be anyone else but yourself. No matter how you behave.. It's you.. who else is it going to be?

On that note.. no one behaves with 100% consistency. Moods ,situations and the people present at any given time will alter your behavior.

When I am with a girlfriend is not how I am going to behave when I am with my mother or at work.

No matter.. Each behavior is still me,despite how different they might appear to an observer.

Yeah, I believe this too. People are chameleons...there are advantages to this. It's not always insecurity.
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
what about it doesn't compute? doesn't everyone adapt to situations somewhat? one is quieter in a nice restaurant; louder outside playing tag. spontaneous on vacation; focused during test-taking. to me it seems very natural

No, you are mixing things. If I go to a restaurant the reasons for me being quieter is not the same as being more outgoing when surrounded by a sports crowd. One is confirming to good etiquette, not to bother other people. Another is trying to please other people.

Some of those statements sounded contradictory so that's why I replied with "does not compute". They also sounded very un-Fi.
 

Arclight

Permabanned
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Nov 5, 2009
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INFJ
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6w5
No, you are mixing things. If I go to a restaurant the reasons for me being quieter is not the same as being more outgoing when surrounded by a sports crowd. One is confirming to good etiquette, not to bother other people. Another is trying to please other people.

Some of those statements sounded contradictory so that's why I replied with "does not compute". They also sounded very un-Fi.

I don't see how what you are saying is any different.. Whatever the motivation is, it's irrelevant .. You adapt to each situation. Whether it be in the name of etiquette or personal values., it still amounts to the same thing, your behavior changes.

This does not mean the core does not remain intact.

It would also be nice if maybe, you refrained from telling people what their functions should look like?
 

Moiety

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Aug 3, 2008
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5,996
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ISFJ
I don't see how what you are saying is any different.. Whatever the motivation is, it's irrelevant .. You adapt to each situation. Whether it be in the name of etiquette or personal values., it still amounts to the same thing, your behavior changes.

To me motivation and intent means the world, as I'm sure it does to other ENFPs. You're a Fe user so it's probably more foreign to you.

It would also be nice if maybe, you refrained from telling people what their functions should look like?

Why are you buttin in trying to make my comments ad hominem when they weren't?
 

Arclight

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To me motivation and intent means the world, as I'm sure it does to other ENFPs. You're a Fe user so it's probably more foreign to you.

It would also be nice if maybe, you refrained from telling people what their functions should look like?

Why are you buttin in trying to make my comments ad hominem when they weren't?

My protective nature??

And motivation and intent mean the world to me too.. But don't you see how they are the cause of adaption not the counter to it.

You are saying the exact same thing she is.. and getting fussed over semantics.. and telling her she doesn't sound very Fi

That's why I am butting in :)
 

Moiety

New member
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Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
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My protective nature??

And motivation and intent mean the world to me too.. But don't you see how they are the cause of adaption not the counter to it.

You are saying the exact same thing she is.. and getting fussed over semantics.. and telling her she doesn't sound very Fi

That's why I am butting in :)

No, I don't. Because as any Fi user will tell you preserving our identity irrespective of the crowd is very important sometimes. My intent and motivations have prevented me from adapting to the crowd numerous crowds.
 

Sparrow

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May 28, 2010
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2,366
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
There is a time and place for everything, just because someone acts a different way around different groups of people doesnt mean they arent themselves ;).

Examples:

If you cuss like a sailor, you would do that at the bar with your friends, but you wouldnt do that at your nephews birthday party, or at church service (if you go to church).

If you have friends who dont like punk rock or hardcore music, you wouldn't talk about it all night just because you like it....what would be the point in doing that when they arent interested it whatsoever.

If you like to get wasted and do drugs, you wouldnt get wasted and do drugs at your annual work cruise, lol.
 
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